Oregairu Vol 13 Interlude 5

Interlude 5
Though he’d left, I hadn’t stood up from the park bench.
I have no words to respond with if you say such a big lie with that expression.
In the end, we didn’t exchange any other words and he drank the rest of his canned
coffee before saying “later” in a small voice that could have been mistaken for the wind
and leaving. Maybe he’d just run away from being unable to bear the embarrassment.
Thanks to that I was left alone in the park.
I hate him after all. I seriously can’t forgive myself for having been shaken by those
words even for a moment.
I don’t know how many times I’ve deeply sighed and looked at the phone that’s remained
in my hands. To be honest, I just wasn’t in the mood to have to be the one to make the
call.
But, if I didn’t confirm it, neither me, nor him, nor her would be able to move on forward.
In the words of his grand lie, even I have something called a man’s stubbornness.
With my fingers frozen due to being exposed to the blowing wind for a while, I pushed
the buttons on the phone to make the call. While praying she doesn’t even answer the
call.
However, she would definitely answer during this time. At the same time I thought that,
the call connected and I heard a long voice coming from the other end.
“Hel–loo”
I replied with the words I’d prepared.
“Can we meet up now?”
“...Yeah. Sure.”
In that short moment of silence, it seemed she’d sensed something. She was as observant
as usual it was seriously troubling. I’d never been able to hide anything from her. It’d
surely be the same this time as well.
While having a bad feeling about this as always, the call quickly disconnected after two,
three business-like exchanges.


The designated cafe was the one she’d often used to come to.
After finishing drinking a Blue Mountain, priced expensively from a high school student’s
perspective, I ordered another cup and looked at my wristwatch.
It was already past the time we’d agreed on. But there hadn’t been any contact made in
particular from her side.
If I was even a little bit late when she was the one who suddenly called me over, she’d
phone over and over to tell me to hurry up. Despite that, this was how she was when she
was the one late. Because I was used to this, I didn’t forcefully call her.
I’ve asked her once before if she does this with other people as well. She proudly
answered, “that’s right”, but that wasn’t the truth in reality. Surprisingly, she was the
type of person who was very punctual. There’d been times she’d left far too early to meet
up with her friends and she wouldn’t thoughtlessly chase them up if they kept her
waiting.
But it looked like there was just one subset of people she corresponded with roughly.
It was possible for her to comprehend things like having a deep affection and expressing
trust. In reality, he and maybe her little sister tended to be seen in that way.
It’s just, an exception also existed. To those she’d hurt like a toy, she’d see them as
nothing more than an existence worthy only for her to sharpen her claws.
While I was lost in thought, the second cup of Blue Mountain was brought to me. Lifting it
to my mouth, I felt it was strongly more bitter than it was before.
At last, the sound of a bell mixed in with the mild jazz music playing in the background.
When I looked at the entrance, a rouged figure jumped into the shop at the noir keynote.
When she took off her coat and stated her order at the counter, she didn’t even show she
had to look for my figure as she walked straight towards where I was and sat on the seat
facing me.
“What’s up?”
I lightly shook my head to her question and waited for the Guatemala she ordered to
come. When she held the cup in her hands and took a sip, I finally cut into the matter.
“Co-dependence… Did you say that to him?”
Maybe because it was unexpected, it looked like she was slightly surprised. It was rare
for her to show that kind of expression that my mouth broke into a smile. She also
laughed as if to answer my question.
“...You heard? That’s unexpected. He talks about stuff like that with you.”
I ended up thinking about how I should interpret the meaning of that smile. Was she
simply just amused by the unexpectedness of his actions, or could it be she was laughing
in contempt at the fact he would tell that to someone like me?
Either way, whichever way, it wasn’t me who was the subject of interest, but him. That’s
why I should have been talking about him, not about me.
“No, he just said it in regards to another matter. ...But I had an idea of someone who
would instigate him into purposely using that word.”
“Not bad, super detective. You’re correct.”
Though she spoke like it was a joke, the depths of her eyes were ever so cold. Her gaze
told me she was obviously displeased at me interfering. It was a sign telling me to stop
while she was only half teasing. I dropped my gaze to the coffee cup in my hand as soon
as I saw it.
“Why would you do something like that…”
“But it’s the truth.”
With a reverberating tone, and without losing any composure, she spoke as if she was
having fun. Only seeing her gesturing with her long fingers in the edges of my field of
vision, I let out a thin sigh.
“They were fine as they were. Just like that, little by little…”
“Isn’t that just a sham? I only want to see the real thing.”
A cold voice interrupted me. I was probably the only one who could feel it sounding like a
sulk. Because we’d been together for a long time, I could have just been imagining it on
my own, but even so, only I could understand.
As the coffee warmed my chest, I lifted my face and stared into her eyes.
“I think there are feelings that can grow from there.”
“Impossible. That’s how it was, no?”
She slowly narrowed her eyes and pierced through me with her frozen glare. The way she said it overlapped with what she'd said that summer.
That glare, that voice, they always tied me down. In the end, I’m unable to move forward
and she was again stopped in place.
It never changes. To make sure nobody could hurt the things she held dear any further,
she’d hurt it first herself. And she would never forgive anyone that hurt it; not a single
person.
“Do you… hate __ that much?”
I didn’t ask who she hated.
As if she was caught off guard, she blinked her eyes. But she soon smiled as if she was
satisfied.
“No, I like __ very much.”
She rested her chin on her hands, looked up at me with her moist eyes, and smiled
alluringly with her light crimson lips.
This is a curse.
I just couldn’t get an opportunity to atone.
That’s why I pushed it onto him. At least they alone would be able to.
Ah, I’m sincerely envious.
They are beings that can’t not be together, and there would be nothing that made them
happier even if they fell into hell together.
Even if it was a sham, if there was only one distorted sham in this world, then nobody
should be able to call it a fake.
If, just if, I put a hand on it, I’d surely give this distorted shape one name.
That’s why I’m still regretting to this day.
That time, if I’d helped with everything I had.
If I’d done that...
Would you have forgiven me?