18 maja

People keep putting meaning of today. Still, it is just one day like any other. There is nothing special, nothing good and no reason to celebrate. People keep thinking of me, 'cause some years ago I was born and the number of days since then (more or less) sum up to a number mod 365 =0. I don't really get it, never did. What should be special or good about this day?

Today is the day my suffering began. A being not suited for living. A being, so missplaced...

No, that is too negative. I get along quite well actually. I've been halfway around the globe and back. I've learned how to speak several tongues. I've come to learn and understand so many things, never really suffering lack of anything.
I guess that is part of why I feel to be such a waste. I consumed so many things simply by existing, there must have been a better use.

Never mind, apparently there wasn't. Or even better: it doesn't matter. I am, therefor I was. I am, therefor I will be.
I was, therefor I suffered, simply because human existence is filled with suffering as it is. While I never really lacked anything essential for life, it was never enough. I never really got the hang of things.
I will be, therefor there will always be the memory of the moments that hurt the most. Most of those don't have a date written on them. But today has, as the beginning of it all. For me, anyways.
So, I am and therefor I can make decisions. And I decided something.
As from now on, today will have a meaning for me. It will be a day of remembrance, not a day of celebration, but a day for the memory of all the things it brought upon me. Since I try to celebrate the good things every day and keep them, this day will be for all the negative things there are. Indeed, there are plenty, and this shall be their day.
For what it's worth, cheers.