Get triggered, people need thicker skin

offensive ()
{
#   Requires the offensive fortunes from fortune-mod to be installed; sudo apt install cowsay-off
#   If you're the type of person that turns insults on in sudo then i recommend adding this to your ~/.bash_profile
    fortune -s -n 144 -o
: <<PACKAGE_NOTES
$ sudo apt-cache policy cowsay-off fortunes-off funny-manpages
cowsay-off:
  Installed: 3.03+dfsg2-8
  Candidate: 3.03+dfsg2-8
  Version table:
 *** 3.03+dfsg2-8 500
        500 https://http.kali.org/kali kali-rolling/main amd64 Packages
        100 /var/lib/dpkg/status
fortunes-off:
  Installed: 1:1.99.1-7
  Candidate: 1:1.99.1-7
  Version table:
 *** 1:1.99.1-7 100
        100 /var/lib/dpkg/status
funny-manpages:
  Installed: 2.3-1
  Candidate: 2.3-1
  Version table:
 *** 2.3-1 100
        100 /var/lib/dpkg/status
PACKAGE_NOTES
}
random_cow ()
{
    if [[ ! -d /usr/share/cowsay/cows ]]; then
        COWPATH=$(find /opt/ /usr/share /usr/local/share ~/ -type d -name 'cows' -exec dirname "{}" \;; find ~/ -type d -name 'cows' -exec dirname "{}" \;);
    fi;
    if [[ ! -n ${COWPATH} ]]; then
        find /usr/share/cowsay/cows/ -type f | grep -Po '(?!\S+[/])[\w\-]+[._]cow' | sed -e 's/[.]cow$//g' | sort -R | head -1;
    else
        find $(tr ':' ' ' <<< ${COWPATH}) -type f | grep -Po '(?!\S+[/])[\w\-_]+[.]cow' | sed -e 's/[.]cow$//g' | sort -R | head -1;
    fi
}
motd ()
{
    if [[ -x `which cowsay 2>/dev/null` ]] && [[ -x `which fortune 2>/dev/null` ]]; then
        if [[ -n ${COWPATH} ]]; then
            COWPATH=${COWPATH};
            local rc=$(random_cow);
            offensive | env cowsay -f ${rc};
        else
            local rc=$(random_cow);
            offensive | env cowsay -f ${rc};
        fi;
    fi
}

motd