gopherstory

The debonair and handsome gopher was going to eat a supposedly ambrosial “Kid Cuisine” TV dinner which was an amalgam of different meal parts like chicken nuggets and a small amount of macaroni and cheese with cheap cheese. He's a carnivorous gopher so he's perfectly fine with eating chicken n nuggets. When the dinner was put in the microwave it made a cacophonous sound and the microwave projected Wayne Brady on the wall and the projection demagogued that he would get gophers to the moon if he was elected president. The gopher cogitated and thought for awhile and decided to vote for Wayne. The caucus for Wayne's political party selected him as the candidate the next day. The gopher realized that he still hadn't eaten the food and he looked at it again but the bizarre Kid Cuisine had grown an appendage and had picked up a pencil and it wrote out an arcane and cryptic message that the gopher could not figure out. It was a billet-doux from the Kid Cuisine because it loved him but it also warned in the letter that it would full of carcinogens and that the gopher should not eat it or else he might get cancer. Fortunately the Kid Cuisine was gross and he wasn't planning on eating it anyway. Later several months from then the gopher voted for Wayne Brady which elected him and an entire rocket was shipped to the gopher's lawn, his conveyance to go to the moon. He got in and the rocket took off and he was looking back at his house but he didn't get rid of the Kid Cuisine and it lit something on fire which grew into a big conflagration. He was so embarrassed that he forgot and he called it a contretemps. Unfortunately the rocket came with Sonic the Hedgehog and he said “GOTTA GO FAST” which caused the rocket to go too fast and the gopher was comatose but he woke up when the rocket crash landed in some 1980s arcade on the moon. The rocket had gone back in time. An angry amphibious frog-like guy was bellicose and looked ready to fight. They had an altercation and argued about the gopher ruining part of the arcade but the gopher said it was Sonic's fault. He called Sonic a buffoon for being that stupid. Sonic got mad and he got involved in the ballyhoo. The gopher then tried to leave the arcade but he was stopped by the Kid Cuisine who started throwing Super Mario Bros. Cartridges at him so he decided he had to escape another way. He circumvented the Kid Cuisine by going to the apex of the building, the roof, and he cut down a deciduous tree that someone had planted that had lost its leaves by then due to the time of year, and chiseled it into a new rocket and went home again but he left Sonic behind so the rocket wouldn't go too fast.