Fertility

Good_Vs_Evil posted:

    ...here is what I believe to be the key to pumping out a gaggle of children with not difficulties:

    1). Be poor. Money causes infertility. The ability to pay for and financially prepare for the next 20 years of a child's life and education lowers your fertility exponentially.

    2). Develop addictions. Gambling, drugs, alcohol, lying, smoking -- it doesn't matter. Just pick a fucking vice and don't look back. Make sure you lie to everyone and get mad when confronted. Apparently, this makes eggs swoon and drop like birds in winter.

    3). Don't plan for it -- or even want it. This is motherfucking key. Wanting a baby is like uterine bleach. Your body senses this using sophisticated science and reacts defensively by sending out egg catchers.

    4). Live in a squat 1-bedroom filthy apartment (preferably on welfare [see rule 1]). The less room you have the better. The fewer places you have to put a crib, the more likely your body will be ready to accept seed.

    5). Have relationship troubles. Not little squabbles that we all have, but serious, hair-pulling, chair-throwing, fucking Jerry Springer brawls. Daily. Seriously hate one another but be too poor and lazy to get a divorce. Bonus: Be female and so attached and addicted to your husband that even if he set fire to you, you wouldn't ever leave him.

    That's it. Easy!