Thief of Time - Angel

'Excuse me?'

YES? said Death. WHAT IS IT?

'This is the Apocalypse, yes?' said the shining figure petulantly.

WE ARE TALKING.

'Yes, right, but is it the Apocalypse? The actual end of the actual whole world?'

No, said the Auditor.

YES, said Death. IT IS.

'Great!' said the figure.

What? said the Auditor.

WHAT? said Death.

The figure looked embarrassed. 'Well, not great, obviously. Obviously not great, as such. But it's what I'm here for. It's what I'm for, really.' It held up the book. 'Er, I've got the place marked ready. Wow! It's been, you know, so long...'

Death glanced at the book. The cover and all the pages were made of iron. Realization dawned.

YOU ARE THE ANGEL CLOTHED ALL IN WHITE OF THE IRON BOOK FROM THE PROPHECIES OF TOBRUN, AM I CORRECT?

'That's right!' The pages clanged as the angel hurriedly thumbed through them. 'And it's clothèd, by the way, if you don't mind. Clo-theddd. Just a detail, I know, but I like to get it right.'

What is happening here? the Auditor growled.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THIS, said Death, ignoring the interruption, BUT YOU ARE NOT OFFICIAL.

The pages stopped clanking. 'What do you mean?' said the angel suspiciously.

THE BOOK OF TOBRUN HAS NOT BEEN CONSIDERED OFFICIAL CHURCH DOGMA FOR A HUNDRED YEARS. THE PROPHET BRUTHA REVEALED THAT THE WHOLE CHAPTER WAS A METAPHOR FOR A POWER STRUGGLE WITHIN THE EARLY CHURCH. IT IS NOT INCLUDED IN THE REVISED VERSION OF THE BOOK OF OM, AS DETERMINED BY THE CONVOCATION OF EE.

'Not at all?'

I'M SORRY.

'I've been thrown out? Just like the damn rabbits and the big syrupy things?'

YES.

'Even the bit where I blow the trumpet?'

OH, YES.

'You sure?'

ALWAYS.

'But you are Death and this is the Apocalypse, right?' said the angel, looking wretched. 'So therefore-'

UNFORTUNATELY, HOWEVER, YOU ARE NO LONGER A FORMAL PART OF THE PROCEEDINGS.

***

The Thief of Time - p307-309