999 gigabytes, by HastyDeparture on Something Awful

You and I in a computer shop
Buy a terabyte drive with the money we've got
Fill it up to the break of dawn
'Til one by one, gigs are gone
On the board, bugs in the firmware
Flash the OS, "hard disk failure"
Idling under fluorescent light
999 gigabytes go by

999 gigabytes burning in fluorescent light
Panic beeps, S.M.A.R.T. drive alert
The bits in here match nowhere else
Neckbeard CJ springs to life
Opens up one eager eye
Focusing it on the drive
Where 999 gigabytes go by

999 Diagnostic Street, 999 CJs meet
To worry, worry, super-scurry
Call IT out in a hurry
This is what we've studied for
Low mean time between failure
The shop owner is on the line
As 999 gigabytes go by

999 knights of drive care
Run super-high-tech live CDs
Everyone's a CJ hero
Everyone's an RMS
With firmware patches to apply
User fault imply, files awry
Scramble in fluorescent light
As 999 gigabytes go by

999 drives I have had
On every one a bad sector
It's all over and I'm sitting pretty
Next to a platter, dirty, gritty
If I could find a good career
Something my kids could revere
And here is a PATA drive
I think of you and toss it out...