kali:	The kiss hurt. As bad as it sounded, they hurt. He jerked back, at first, but allowed himself to relax into it, finally calming down enough to allow his moirail to give him what he needed. Despite the fact that physically, it was difficult, it ached a little and his lip felt like it was going to bust apart again, he allowed it. It meant more to him than he'd admit, than he COULD admit, and soon enough he found himself attemping to return the pale affection with kisses of his own. They were unpleasant, likely tasted awful and he couldn't do them very well because moving his mouth hurt, but he tried to press his lips back against the others. When Mituna would sign that he's sorry, Kurloz took his wrist, brought it down, and shook his head. He didn't want Mituna to be sorry. It wasn't his fault, none of it was. The smile he had on his lips when he pulled away was weak, but still there, and better than the blank expression he'd held before.
TG:	Sniffling a little, he too found himself able to breathe more evenly as Kurloz tried to be a little more... normal around him. When Kurloz was calm, Mituna could be calm. It had sent a spike of terror down his spine when his moirail had jerked back from his kiss, eyes wide and brows pinched together with a very sudden and very real fear that he'd done something unspeakably wrong. But then he'd eased up, and even tried to kiss him too and it made Mituna feel very happy; made him calm down, made him feel better about himself and the situation. Shaking still, he whined quietly and made his way to curl up in Kurloz's lap, holding one of his hands against his chest. He leaned against him, still trembling, still crying - but he felt... a little better. Just a smidgeon. He took in a shuddering breath, and let it out. He had to do something more to help. Maybe he could try his psionics, just once more...? Anything... He whimpered and sighed, craning his neck to kiss Kurloz's jaw. "I w-want to.. help."
kali:	He shook his head. There wasn't much he could do to help, honestly. Kurloz let out a sigh through his nose, his arms looping around his moirail's waist and his head dropping back on the others shoulder. His lips hurt, his vow of silence had been broken when he'd told, or at least TRIED to tell his dancestor to STOP. He messed up. He messed up and there was no fixing that. It hadn't come out right, more of an "ah" sound than anything but it was still there, and it was still spoken. His voice had been hoarse from sweeps of disuse and his hands were trembling but he didn't know what to do, and it didn't matter, either. Gamzee hadn't stopped. There was no helping him right now. There was little to nothing that Mituna could do about his emotional state, because what that troll had done to him was traumatizing in ways that he hadn't experienced in a long, long time. His hold tightens on Mituna for a moment, before he lets go, a small noise escaping him, muffled by sewn lips.
TG:	Head rest against his moirail, sighing in a defeated way. It upset him, knowing he couldn't help. "I c-could... try..." He lifted his hands, holding Kurlo's face and giving him as serious a look as he could. "I know I... got br-broken... But I can th-thtill try..." He didn't know what else to do. He was running out of options ((well, really, he had none to begin with and this was the only one)) and he just... he felt indebted to his moirail. For being there for him, for tolerating him. Especially now. Mituna just loved his moirail, and he wanted to do anything he could for him. It was.... all in all, really sad. He twitched nervously, hands falling back to rest against his own chest. "Th-thit... let me t-try... Pleathe..."
kali:	Kurloz didn't know whether or not he wanted to let Mituna try. It wasn't as if he was afraid of what would happen, so much as he didn't want his moirail to be disappointed, were things not to work. His expression wavered, and he, for a moment, looked contemplative. He ran the thought over in his mind, trying to figure out whether or not he wanted to let Mituna go through with this. He knew that the Gemini didn't really want to have his head on his shoulder, by the way that he kept pulling his face up to meet his, but he didn't want his moirail to look at the bloodied lips that were beginning to scab over. He signed, "if you want," and dropped his head back on the others shoulder. He just wanted to hide.
TG:	He hiccupped a little and swallowed, nodding. "I w-wanna do what... whatever I can for y-you." He nervously touched his moirail's hair, and his cheek, and rubbed his own cheek against him. He just wanted him to be better. He was scared, he was anxious, and finding his best friend like this had really upset him. He grabbed Kurlo's hands and held them tightly in his own shaking grip, and tried his hardest to concentrate. It was difficult; mixed with the constant noise and colours and distractions it had become plagued with since his accident. He closed his eyes and set his jaw in a frustrated line, thinking as hard as he could. A growl started, his head hurt - little pathetic sparks of blue and red blinking next to his closed eyes. Cmon... cmon... Anguished little sounds of pain left him, whimpers and whines amongst the sparks. His whole form shook. "Cmonnnnn... Thhhhittt...."
kali:	Kurloz didn't like seeing Mituna struggle so much. He didn't like the way that his moirail appeared to hurt when he struggled, didn't like how utterly and completely useless it was to attempt to help Kurloz in the first place. There was no helping him. His hands wound around the others waist and he kneaded gently at his sides, attempting to calm him, to keep him from overexterting himself. He would've spoken, he would've said something to help Mituna but through lips sewn shut and then sewn shut again it was no use. He'd already broken his vow once, he wouldn't do it again. He looked up, watching Mituna, before shaking his head, a little. Telling him it was pointless.
TG:	Eventually, his sounds of frustration and pain tapered into a long whine, hands flying to his eyes to rub them furiously as he... cried again. Cried in pain, in fear, and just general hopelessness. He just wanted to help so bad, do something to make his moirail stop suffering. He was crying like a child, snivelling and touching Kurlo's face and shaking his head. "I-I'm th-thorry..." He couldn't think of anything else. His psionics were broken, kisses weren't helping... At a complete and total loss he curled up against him, drained and useless. "I j-jutht want to h-help," he whimpered.
kali:	He nodded. He knew that. He knew Mituna wanted to help and he understood, acknowledged it. He appreciated it. He let out a soft churr, a tiny sound that was barely even there, less voice and more breath. His lips pressed against the other, desperate and soft, though it hurt him as much as it made him feel better. He didn't want Mituna to feel this horrible on his account. His hand wandered up to his moirail's cheek, letting thumb brush up against cheekbone, a soft, broken smile working its way onto his features. He had to keep himself from breaking down on his own. Part of why he'd wanted to be alone was so he could do just that.
TG:	He closed his eyes at the affections, not really feeling deserving of them. A little too exhausted to do much to contend them, however; he let them happen and instead appreciated them with everything he could. He opened his eyes to watch him, another quiet whine leaving him on a sigh. Nuzzled into the hand on his cheek, even laid his own hand over it. "Ith th-thith okay? C-can I jutht th-thtay here...? I love you lotth..." Latula said that to him a lot, and he knew she liked him a lot - so the sentiment made sense to him. "Can I thtay...?" He at least hoped being here was... somehow helpful. But if it wasn't, for some reason - he was being really obnoxious, he was still smart enough to know that much - he didn't... want... to be a problem. He kissed Kurloz's palm, nuzling it still. Anything he could think of that might do any amount of good.
kali:	He swallowed the lump in his throat, a slight grin on his face that wavered on his features apparent as he attempted to keep his moirail placated. He loved Mituna, too. With every ounce of him, he loved his moirail. He nodded, somewhat, pulling his palemate to his chest, a low sound escaping him for a second time. His lip quivered beneath stitches and he found himself nuzzling as close as he physically could. For some reason, despite the fact that his moirail couldn't do much, he was a comfort. Knowing that someone there cared enough to try, to hurt themselves, it helped. He'd tell Mituna what happened once he was able to compose himself. He'd try, because.. If anyone deserved it, this troll, right here, cuddled up against him did.
TG:	Calming down, and hoping that his emotional calm could be passed on and absorbed by his moirail somehow, he shivered a little on an exhale and hummed a quiet note of contentment. Hugging the arm he could reach that was around him, he rubbed faces and comforted with his hands as much as he could. When Kurloz was calm like this, when he was okay and not... acting all weird and scary and warranting any sort-of panic, Mituna could allow himself to be at ease. He was like an empathetic little pet, almost; willing to defend its master to the death and pick up on subtle emotional nuances and act on them, even if he took it out of hand. He picked up his moirail's hand again, putting it on his face so when he spoke, his lips moved against the palm. "We'll b-be okay, right?" Tic, and he gripped Kurloz's wrist harder. The tiny fit passed, and he sighed softly. "I j-jutht really w-want... I r-really want th-that."
kali:	He nodded. Yes, they'd be okay. Kurloz? Maybe a little less, but they'd be alright. Kurloz couldn't ask for a better moirail, or a better friend. Mituna was, perhaps, his favorite troll in all of existence. He'd never want anyone else to fill the place Mituna had. The smile faded right off his face, however, when he finally decided he should explain. He withdrew for a moment, taking his hands to himself, before, finally, he began to sign. He told Mituna all about how his dancestor had spoken to him. How he'd met with him, though for what, he left the details out. He didn't want Mituna knowing he wasn't as.. good, as he seemed. His hands moved skillfully, explaining in detail what had happened between them. How he said (or, voodoo'd, he never really said anything) to Gamzee that apparently hadn't gone over well. How Gamzee didn't like how he didn't speak, how Gamzee had ripped out or cut every one of his stitches and how, eventually, he'd broken his vow of silence. How he'd asked to stop, or at least tried.
TG:	A small panic overtook him as Kurloz moved away, a whine heard as he reached out bu - oh, he was... huh? His own hands wrung themselves nervously, Mituna visibly mouthing what was told to him and even speaking some of the words out loud just to keep his place. He said each letter out loud as 'Gamzee' was spelled. The fuck was a Gamzee? "G-Gam...thee," he iterated with a huff. His frown grew more though, more tears threatening to fall down his clammy, wet face. Brows pinched and he shook his head, a quiet 'no no no no' starting up. Eventually he couldn't take it anymore and he reached out, grabbing and stopping Kurloz's hands from telling him anything else. "Th-thtop," he pleaded, looking up at him and shaking his head more. He swallowed thickly, another sad, scared sound leaving him.
kali:	He did as he was asked, his hands shaking as his moirail stopped him. He wanted to get it all off his chest, but he wouldn't. It felt good to share it, to not have to carry the burden alone, but on the same note, he didn't want to talk about it. So, he smiled, nervously, lips bloodied and his hands trembling. He didn't get closer, again. He didn't want to. He wanted to stay back on his own, not touch anyone, not say a thing. He didn't want to have to think about it anymore, as good as it felt not to have to be burdened by it all on his own. He could feel a sob bubbling up, begging to slip past his lips, but he refused, turning his gaze away from his moirail.
TG:	There was a feeling that was budding in his chest. The way his moirail shrank from him, the way he looked alone and seemed like he wanted to stay that way, even knowing full and well Mituna really, really just wanted to curl up with him forever - the feeling hurt. It was a sharp feeling, mixed with the sorrow and fear, stirring it up into something that made his tears fall down his cheeks, but into the creases of a snarl. It was anger. Anger that someone, something could unseat his moirail like this, the strongest troll he knew. He groped for his helmet, taking in a shaky breath before replacing it on his head and using the cave wall to rise into an unsteady stand. His legs were numb; he'd been sitting for so long, not to mention being so worked up had really drained the energy out of him. But he was steadfast in his sudden decision. "I'm g-going.... to... t-to hurt him." Kill him, if he was lucky. No one could do this to someone he loved and get away with it.
kali:	No, no no no, no. He couldn't. Gamzee had an important role, Gamzee was IMPORTANT in the plans he had. He couldn't hurt him. Mituna couldn't hurt him no matter how much Kurloz appreciated the gesture. He stood to his feet, the tossed paper and drawings cruching beneath his heels as he moved forward, as quickly as he could. His own legs felt wobbly, from sitting in the same position for such a long time. It took him a few quick steps to get to his moirail, and he didn't even have to think about what to do before his arms were looped around the others waist, his face pressed into his moirail's shoulder and a whine, pitiful as it was, escaping him. Kurloz wasn't always strong, no. Sometimes, he was fragile, when it came to matters concerning his moirail, or his dancestor. No, no, no. He couldn't. Gamzee was important. He wished he could explain, but he never would, as he knew Mituna wouldn't understand that this was for their own good. He wasn't betraying them. Any of them. This was meant for the greater good. They'd all see that, soon enough. He nuzzled against the Gemini's shoulder, palms pressed against his chest, and pulled him close, refusing to let go.
TG:	Entirely confused, he shook his own head, caught in the moment. "B-but I... I have to..." Why didn't he want him to go? Because he was worried Mituna couldn't handle it? Because he was weak and pathetic and useless? Okay, he was all of those things, sure - but he had to prove to someone that he was worth it. That he was worth his weight beyond being the retard that just bogged everyone down. And the fact someone was going around and hurting all his friends? Starting with the one he cared about most? What if he went after Latula next, or Porrim? Mituna didn't even want to see Kankri get hurt. In spite of himself he hugged around Kurloz tightly, feeling like he wanted to cry again. No, he couldn't lose his bravery - ! "H-he hurt you," he whimpered. "I can't l-let... let him d-do that." As much as he wanted to stand here and hug his moirail and make sure he was okay, he could not let this anger go to waste. It was for a good cause, dammit.
kali:	That didn't matter. No, it didn't matter, it couldn't matter. He pitied Mituna, he loved Mituna in every pale way possible but he COULDN'T let him hurt Gamzee. He let go, for a moment, walking in front of his palemate and giving him a desperate look, his lips curled into a frown despite how badly it hurt him to do so. Moving anything near his lips seemed to hurt. He signed out that Gamzee was important. That he could've fought back, that he could've attacked his dancestor, too, but he didn't. Even if he'd asked him to stop, he didn't stop it himself, because the other Capricorn was a necessity. /Higher than us/, he signed, his hands trembling as he did, /important, he is important/. His eyes watered and he offered a shaky smile, doing all he could to reassure his moirail that it was okay, even if it wasn't.
TG:	"I d-don't fffffucking care!" he whined, stamping his foot like a stubborn child. "Wh-what the fffffuck c-can he do for uth n-now, anyway?" He was crying more, angrier than he was upset or scared. "We're al-already fuckin d-dead cauthe of th-the thell-thucker. I'm n-not fuckin g-getting thmarter an-any time th-thoon!" And how could he just let that happen to himself? Something was wrong. Kurloz didn't just... let shit like that happen. He was sobbing again, his statements little more than hoarse barks. "He th-thouldn't do that! Jutht becauthe... becauthe he'th im-important!" He slammed his fist into the wall of the cave for emphasis, and cried out in pain, cradling his hand to himself suddenly. It inspired a fit, and he began shaking and swearing worse than he had before. No, fuck that. He had business. "Th-thomeone needth to put... to put him in hith pl-plathe." Someone needed to let him know that... you shouldn't mess with a Captor, no matter how broken they were. "F-for hurting y....you," he croaked. Bring it on, then. Hurt him, break him - just stay the fuck away from his moirail.
kali:	NO, oh, sweet merciful messiahs NO. He couldn't have Mituna mixed up in this. He shook his head, again, holding his hands up in an urgent manner, his palms pressed against his moirail's shoulders. He couldn't let this happen. As much as it hurt him, as much as it'd traumatized him, that troll was important and he couldn't let harm befall him. He signed, again, /Please,/ reduced to nothing more than pleading. He knew he shouldn't have said anything. He knew he shouldn't have told his moirail what he'd done to him, what difficulties he'd been put through because of Gamzee Makara. /Don't do this,/ trembling hands forming desperate signs, quickly and fumbling over eachother, /I'll be okay,/ except that he wouldn't, ever again, /you won't be able to find him./
TG:	Still holding his injured hand to himself, he whimpered, shaking his head. What did it matter, anymore? They were all dead. What could this stupid fucking troll do for them to cause any good? If Kurloz hadn't told him what happened, he probably would have felt worse. He would have felt more alienated than he usually did; more secluded, forgotten, and scared. "I-I'm thorry," he mumbled through his miserable tears, bowing his head like a kid in trouble, and moving to shuffle past him. He'd find him. He had to. He was losing his courage very steadily, but he just had to find out why he did what he did. What could make him hurt someone like Kurloz when he did nothing wrong? "F-fuckthit," he twitched, his unhurt hand rubbing the side of his helmet methodically, the throes of another fit rising in him.
kali:	He shook his head, again. No - he didn't want to see Mituna deal with this right now. It was enough that he had to feel secluded on a nightly basis but to have him go through another fit that, this time, was caused by Kurloz himself - made his chest clench. His arms looped around his moirail, his hands tracing little patterns and shapes against his back. He inhaled tightly and exhaled shakily through his nostrils, cheek pressed against the others. He would've spoken were it possible, had he not taken a vow, had he not made the promise that he had. He would've said everything soothing to keep Mituna calm and he would've, perhaps, even sang to him. But he couldn't. There wasn't much he could do without his voice, but hold the troll close to him and hope that he'd relax.
TG:	Mituna stopped, a whine leaving him as he stood there, his head hung, tears dripping down his face from under his helmet. "L-let me go," he whispered, even though every fiber of his being didn't want him to. He breathed unevenly, fighting the urge to shove him away, get his moirail off him so he could go find this Gamzee - go find help, go find something that could make any of this better. His head was a dizzy void, and he hated feeling so useless. He just... he just wanted... A shudder came through him as well as another frustrated sound, the Gemini writhing a little uselessly. "Why w-won't you let me help?" he cried weakly, hands anxiously rubbing his helmet, his face, his arms. A wave of disappointment in himself overtook the anger and he stamped, taking off his helmet and throwing it against the cavern wall so he could rub his eyes. "Th-thupid... utheleth... f-fuck g-goddamn- THIT..."
kali:	He shook his head, burying his face in his moirail's neck. He wouldn't let him help for a multitude of reasons. Gamzee was dangerous - even to those who were already gone, and.. No, no. Mituna wasn't useless. Kurloz knew that. Behind stitched lips, he ground his teeth together, brows knit tightly and hands running up and down Mituna's back. When he pulled away.. Okay, fuck. This was going to be hard to do. He had to tell him at some point, didn't he? This troll was truly the light of his life - despite that Meulin was an excellent influence, he didn't have the connection that he did anymore. Best friends, that's all they were. He didn't know what it was about Mituna that captured his attention but there was something there that made his chest tight when he saw him with Latula, something that made him tense. No, no. He couldn't do this now. He clung tighter, letting out a sigh through his nostrils.
TG:	Every breath was a whine, the troll still considerably worked up. He was falling apart inside, torn between what he wanted to do, what he should do, and what he was capable of doing. He leaned into his moirail and cried, mumbles of pitiful anguish heard from him. "I'm th-thorry," he groaned, wiping off his face onto the back of his glove. He was gross. Really gross. Snoth and tears and just... everything. He felt pitiful. He looked it. "I-I'm thorry.... I'm thorry..." Maybe he should just go, back to his hive and curl up and never leave. Close up his quadrants and - well, he couldn't exactly die again, but he might be able to convince himself that he didn't exist. Latula didn't need him, and he couldn't do anything to help the trolls he cared about. Dismayed, he tried to break away to execute this plan.
kali:	He wasn't pitiful. Not at all, not to Kurloz. He wouldn't let go, not for a moment, his arms wound tightly around Mituna and his face buried in his neck, cheek brushing up against the locks of his hair. When he tried to pull away, Kurloz shook his head, tugging him closer to his person, body pressed against body and his own eyes stinging the more he thought about all of what had transpired. His heart lurched, and he let out a little muffled sound against his moirail's skin. It had no voice, just a tuff of air, really. When he finally did pull away, it was with a long look, one that held pity - a little of the red and the pale kind. Stark white eyes stared back at ones that mirrored his and he leaned forward, without a second thought, his poorly sewn lips pressing to his moirail's.
TG:	Whining again, he struggled; a finger of terror and sudden panic flashing through him. Why wasn't he letting go? He couldn't process the fact that Kurloz couldn't read his mind, and that he too hadn't come to the logical conclusion that he was terrible and should just lock himself away forever. His heart raced and he tried to form some sort-of plan to get away, because he didn't like the fact that someone so good was touching someone so bad. He'd hurt him, he'd infect him with his awfulness - but he was looking at him, now, and as much as he wanted to be illiterate he could read his eyes. He didn't understand. And he really didn't understand the kiss. Mituna wasn't hurt. So why was he - ? He stepped back a little, trying to form a coherent thought and being unable. His hands very clumsily and nervously formed the words 'what are you doing, i don't understand.'
kali:	His teeth clenched together behind stitched lips. He pulled away. Brows knit, and he moved forward again, arms looping around his moirail's neck and his lips pressed back against the others. He didn't sign a word, he didn't say a thing and instead, simply moved stitched, sore lips from his moirail's, to his chin, and then to his jaw. He was nervous, he was hurting - knowing that his pale quadrant - and, the one he'd been hiding flushed feelings for, at that, was hurting so much because of him. He couldn't kiss properly, he couldn't give him what he needed to, he couldn't even calm him down enough. He didn't usually have this problem, and.. he was out of options. This is the only way he could handle this situation, now, even if it did put his feelings on the line.
TG:	Another soft whimper left him, but he couldn't get away this time. He had exhausted himself, and didn't have the energy to fight the affection. He just... he didn't understand what Kurloz was doing. Why he was being this way, all of a sudden. It was oddly red, and he wasn't sure he liked that. He loved his moirail. An awful, awful lot. But his simplistic mind couldn't parse out the possibility that maybe Kurloz didn't quite feel just pale anymore. He literally couldn't wrap his head around the prospect or the very thought of it. "Kurloth," he began quietly, a shaky breath leaving him as he looked up into his eyes again. "I d-don't... und-derth... f-fuck-" Twitch, and his hands flew up to grip Kurloz's biceps while he fought off the tic. "Thtand. I don't... why..." He looked ashamed, suddenly, looking down at his own feet. "I'm thorry..."
No, no. Mituna had no reason to be sorry, it was he who should've been. It got him off track, at least, even if it put his own hide on the line. He moved back, taking a couple steps behind him and signing, a little slower than usual, that he was sorry. /I don't mean to be intruding on your space, my palemate,/ he speaks with his hands, slow because he's nervous, but still very particular in the way that he does it, /I just../ His hands fell to his sides, and he took another step back. His moirail wouldn't understand. He had a very specific place for Kurloz set in his mind and that is where he was going to stay, right? ..
TG:	Mituna frowned. He didn't like it when Kurloz said he was sorry to him. It was usually Mituna doing something wrong, Mituna fucking up, Mituna breaking rules that he shouldn't have been. He hugged his arm to himself when his moirial stepped back; even though Mituna had been struggling to get away, he was instantly anxious with him not being close. Idiot. It was probably the way he'd said he was sorry, and used the slow, deliberate signs to continue. "N-" he began, but he couldn't get his thoughts out again. Awkwardly, he signed 'tell me' to the other troll. It took him a few tries, but he finally got his fingers to work. It was embarrassing. He was blushing. He wished he could just have gotten used to being a retard already. A sudden whimper was heard, too. More signing: 'come back'. He was walking away and apologizing... so Mituna feared the worst.
kali:	He didn't want to come back, though. It made him nervous - and he wasn't made nervous easily. Mituna didn't see Kurloz the way that Kurloz saw him. They were pale. That was it, wasn't it? Instead of coming closer, he took a step back, shaking his head. The lightly curled locks fell over his face as he looked down at his feet, and then up at the top of the cave where the light filtered through. He really did look a mess. It took him a moment before he finally signed, again, with hands that shook nervously. /I've got a bit more than mother fucking pale feelings for you,/ he signs, /but I wasn't thinking./
TG:	His hands nervously came to his face, fingertips curling against his cheeks as he whimpered. "C-come back," he whined again, trying to put as much confidence into his voice that was proportionate to how badly he wanted him to. A fear was sinking into his belly again, making him whine and twitch and grip his clothes and tic and swear. He hiccupped on a sob as Kurloz shook his head and stepped back, shaking his own head and taking a step forward to - "F-fuckthit, damn, godd-damn cockf-fuck-" He gripped his hair, shaking his head and nearly falling over with the intesity of this attack. "H-help - thhhhhhhitfuck-" He'd seen him sign, and that might have been what set him off. But he was still just as unable to control himself as he usually was. "N-not th-thinking abo - fuck!! - about wh-what? Fuck, pith-" More than pale? What did he mean? His head screamed at him. He didn't seem to want to be by him, were they black feelings...? He thrashed, landing against the wall of the cavern and sinking to his knees with a frightened sob.
kali:	He couldn't have him be alone like that, couldn't have him be scared like that, even if he wanted to avoid dealing with the fact that he was.. way redder than he should've been. When Mituna landed against the wall of the cavern and sunk to his knees, Kurloz was at his side in a moment. He shook his head, again, taking his moirail's face in his hands and pulling his gaze up to meet his own, thumbs brushing over cheekbones and brows knit in concern. No, don't cry. Don't be upset - that's not what he wants for you. He lets out a little noise, if you could call it that - a sort of tuff of air through his nose. He pulls his hands away long enough to sign, /Read my hands/, his shaking hands. He's been wanting to do this for a long time. /I don't know what it all is about you,/ he's practically fumbling over the symbols. He's a bit of an emotional wreck, too, though he hides it behind a pokerface and eyes so white they couldn't show the emotion in them if he tried, /but there is more than just pale that I am mother fucking feeling for you./ He pauses. His hands stop moving, and it takes him a moment before he finally signs the word "red".
TG:	Unable to help it, Mituna was in fact crying again - hands weakly gripping at Kurloz and almost trying to feel where he was, to make sure he was really there. He looked up at him, into his eyes, hands migrating to grip his wrists with an almost bruising force. He didn't mean to, he really didn't - he didn't mean to grip so hard, or grab his knees when Kurloz let him go to sign. He said the words out loud as he did so, mixing up a few things at the curse words since... well, they were curse words. They really weren't real, they were sort-of made up by everyone to mean what they did. He twitched and whined and got scared again when he took the long pause, chewing on the fingertips of his gloves anxiously. Instantly he feared the worst - had he finally upset him enough? Did he hate him? Was it black? "How-" words escaped before he thought of them, Mituna shaking his head roughly. "No no no no no," he defended, grabbing Kurloz by the shoulders. "How c-can you-?" It made no sense. Quadrants were like shapes in holes. They just fit that way, and they didn't fit anywhere else no matter how hard you tried to pound them in. Furthermore, how could anyone aside Latula even... feel like that for him? "I d-don't... f-fuck... damn... fuck...!"
kali:	He tensed when Mituna's hands took hold of his shoulders and he felt his hands shake. He wasn't scared, so much as he was nervous. He didn't want to upset his moirail, he didn't want to make him confused, to hurt him, to do anything but make him happy and he didn't understand how he could feel two at once, how he could feel so red but so pale and you know what? He didn't really care that much. He didn't want to understand, because it didn't matter anyway. Things weren't going to change. He was frowning, and signing again. /Forget it,/ he says, /please forget it/. His lips hurt. Frowning hurt. Smiling hurt. Making any facial expression hurt because his stitches were crusting over and ripped and torn. He inched closer, letting his face bury in Mituna's neck, arms at his sides.
TG:	"N-no, I-" he shook his head again, grabbing more fistfuls of his own hair and hurting himself; making him cry harder. "P-pleathe I... I don't... d-dickth, f-fuck-" His whole body was shaking worse than it had been up to this point, and he'd been crying so hard his voice was hoarse and squeaky through his whining. "I j-jutht don't underth-thtand, Kurloth, I-" He sat back, rocking back and forth and shaking his head; looking from side to side as if he lost something and was trying to find it. "I want to, I want to, I want t-to." So badly he wanted to, because he upset Kurloz, and he wante to make sense of something that he knew, he just knew if he wasn't so horribly damaged would make all the sense in the world to him. "I don't w-want to forget it!" he wailed, craning his head forward and hitting himself in the temple with the heel of his palm. All he knew was how to be red with Latula, because she was the only troll to ever show him that sort-of thing. It just didn't occur or make sense to him that anyone else could feel red for him. Both hands were in his hair again, pulling; the boy staring into his lap and muttering under his breath 'i hate myself, i hate myself, i hate myself.'
kali:	This was totally out of control. This is why he didn't mention it, why he didn't want to mention it. This is the reason that he kept his red feelings to himself. When he withdrew, he was signing, frantically, /You have a matesprit/ and /We're moirails/, quickly and with unsteady hands. There was an anxiety creeping up within him that wasn't normally there and it made him unsteady, made the way that he signed a little sloppier than usual and fuck if he wasn't PANICKED because he knew that he messed up. He shouldn't have said a word. Signed a word. Whatever it was. /Don't hate yourself/ was all he offered after that, hands on his knees, an attempt to grin resulting in a cracked scab and fresh blood and one of the hands on his knees automatically coming back to his mouth.
TG:	He was exhausting himself, his body shaking unevenly. He was trying so hard to scour his brain and just... form any coherent thought as to how... why... what... was going on. He sobbed weakly, shaking his head. "I d-don't even... kn-know." Did he really have a matesprit? Was Latula actually his matesprit, or was she just feeling sorry for him, dating him because no one else would? She had been kinda off lately, it seemed; taking Mituna's follies more and more personally. She was never ever mad at him, but the more he messed up, the more he failed, the more she looked... like it was painful to her, too. "D-doethn't detherve me," he said suddenly, pulling at his shirt again anxiously. "Too good f-for me, I'm bad - fuck, cock - getth better, I d-don't..." Latula didn't deserve someone like Mituna. She needed someone brave, someone strong, someone not broken. He flinched and whimpered when he saw the hand move so fast, concern rising again when he noticed why. He moved, their knees touching as he moved the hand held it close to him. Don't give up on me, he willed silently. "I'm thorry..."
kali:	The touch to his hand was nearly electric. He didn't know why he pitied this troll so much, why he loved this troll so much but it mattered little to none. Perhaps it was the way that he was so passionate, despite how much he struggled or maybe it was the fact that he was so true when others weren't. One thing was certain. Though he knew logically that Mituna wasn't what he used to be, that he'd exerted himself too much, that he hurt his pan and that he wasn't mentally sound anymore like he was a long time ago, Kurloz never saw him as broken. His lips were bleeding, but he paid no mind to it. He focused on the touch and kept his face straight, his expression unreadable and his posture stiff. He shook his head, and with the hand that wasn't in his moirail's grip, he signed that he was sorry. Mituna had no reason to be.
TG:	Another whine and he shook his head. No, don't be sorry - "Thtop," he whispered hoarsely, grabbing his other hand and pulling it to himself as well. He had both his hands, now, and he put them on his cheeks as he closed his eyes to enjoy their touch. He always did love it when Kurloz was gentle with him. He was different than Latula; she wasn't rough or mean but she was... careful. Like he'd break even more. Kurloz seemed to understand that he was okay. Would be okay. Not that they'd - or that he'd thought((well maybe just like once???)) - nnf. His heart was still racing and he was still trembling, but he was calming down, like that. How could he say what he was thinking? He didn't deserve Kurloz. Not even as a moirail. Kurloz was too good for him. If he finally understood that his moirail was feeling red, he accepted the fact that he wasn't worth feeling red for. It made him feel a little worse. Eyes still closed, he smiled wanly. "I don't d-detherve you. In... in any quadrant."
kali:	Well, that just made him mad. Mituna deserved Kurloz, just as Kurloz deserved Mituna. They were fated, meant for eachother, whether it be red or pale he didn't know but Mituna and he belonged together. He inched forward, shaking his head, his expression stern as his hands locked with the others. Thighs spread and knees pressed against his moirail's ribs so they could get closer, so they could be close together with nothing in the way and when his hands, now trembling less though still stiff and unable to keep still, clasped around Mituna's own, the look in his face said it all. That Mituna deserved him. That he needed him, that they were meant to be together. That it hurt him to hear his moirail speak that way.
TG:	His brows knit, hands nervously wiggling free and wringing as he watched his moirail. He didn't... he didn't fully understand? Still. But he really... really wanted wanted Kurloz to be happy. And he wanted to be happy, too. And he... well, Kurloz made him happy. But Latula did too, so the red feelings confused him. Did he have them for Kurloz, too? Is that what he felt fluttering in his tummy whenever he saw his moirail? "I don't... I'm thorry... I d-don't know...." He shook his head and whined, biting the tips of his fingers through his gloves. "I think... I th-think..." He suddenly grabbed Kurloz's face and pressed their foreheads together, a worried look in his eyes. "It'th o-okay. Okay. I j-jutht - it'th okay. Red. Red ith okay." The trouble he would be in didn't matter. Mituna could keep secrets. He could do it. It would be okay.
kali:	He didn't exactly understand what Mituna meant by okay. Did it mean that he wanted to be red, or that he was acceptant of his red feelings? Did it mean that he he felt the same? He swallowed thickly, with difficulty from his severed tongue, trying to get the lump in his throat to go down. He drew back to sign, but changed his mind - and instead, slowly leant forward. His lips hurt, they were sensitive and injured but that didn't stop him from pressing soft lips against his moirail's own, rough from stitches and cracked from the inability to wet them but he still did - fingers trailing behind his neck and tugging him closer.
TG:	"Red ith okay," he whispered again, nodding as if to assure himself. He wanted to try to do whatever he could to make Kurloz happy because he deserved it, he was scared and in pain and didn't really have anyone else anymore and Mituna wanted to just... be there for him. Be as much as he could, do whatever he could even though he was damaged, broken, and could barely figure out how to work his boots or his helmet or take off his clothes. He was largely useless but if he could help fill a quadrant... Confusing as it was, as much as he didn't understand the shift from pale to red, he wanted to try it. He could keep it a secret from Latula. He could keep it a secret from everyone. Childish grabby hands clung to the front of Kurloz's shirt as he kissed him, whining softly and wanting absolutely nothing more than to be as close as possible and to do whatever he could for him. Moirail, matesprit... Mituna just wanted to be there for him.
kali:	His heart soared. He shouldn't have let this happen - he knew he shouldn't have, but it's not like he could help it. Mituna... well, Mituna was different. Mituna cared for him unconditionally. When their lips connected, he had to keep himself from smiling. His face was sore, his stitches uneven and crusted over with dried blood but there couldn't be anything more perfect than this moment, right here, right now. Fingers slipped behind his moirail's head and carded through his hair, soothingly as he possibly could. Had the the ability to speak he'd say a million things. He pulled away, finally, looking at his moirail with concern written on his features and hesitance - because he didn't want to mess anything up, either.
TG:	The second he started really calming down, letting everything sink in - that's when Kurloz pulled back. Mituna pulled at his capelet uncomfortably, whining a little and looking back and forth anxiously. "Wh-what ith it?" he whispered; keeping his voice low because all of a sudden, this was dangerous - this was risqué, this was against the rules and something he could get into trouble for. His worry overshadowed his excitement for... well, breaking the rules, and he looked up at Kurloz again. Clunkily signed 'what's wrong?'. Covered his mouth like a child trying not to make a peep. One hand left his face to very gently touch his moirail's, caught up in an adrenaline rush of happiness and excitement and fear and worry. "I w-won't tell," he assured through his fingers. Was Kurloz afraid he couln't keep a secret?
kali:	No, he wasn't afraid he couldn't keep a secret. He trusted Mituna with his very life. He shook his head, before signing with careful fingers, "Are you sure?". He didn't want to make a mistake. He didn't want his moirail to not really want this, he didn't want to force him into something that he shouldn't be forced into. He let out a little sigh through his nostrils and inched forward even closer. They both needed comfort, right now, and despite that he needed to have this cleared up, that he needed to make sure that Mituna wasn't going to regret it, he wanted to be as close as he possibly could. Legs wrapped around his moirail's waist and he signed again, this time a little quicker and higher up because the two of them were very, very close. "You're not getting a motherfucking lie out of those lips are you?"
TG:	He nodded quickly, the motion nearly giving him whiplash. He was so sure. Sooooo sure. Even if he wasn't... that... sure. He just wanted - to do good, to be something that someone wanted. If Kurloz wanted him this bad, if the one other person in the entire world he cared for this much wanted him in that way... He had to oblige. Hell, Kurloz would do it for him, right...? He didn't know if he could straight up break his matespritship with Latula, but he could try really, really hard to keep this a secret. He wouldn't tell. He could keep a secret. Squirming a little as Kurloz wrapped his legs around him he watched the signing, shaking his head. "N-no," he pouted. "No, I.. I j-jutht..." He wasn't lying! He grabbed Kurloz's face in his hands, his brows pinched as he brought their foreheads together. "I'm not lying. I w-w-wouldn't lie t-to you." Whine. "I promithe... I promithe."