My sacrifice...

I feel depressed. The one good thing that had happened to me over the course of 6 Years has come to a sheer end. For now at-least. I hide my emotions behind my face, but only my eyes tell of the truth. Of how i really feel. Of how hurt I am. I don't see the point in even trying to progress anymore. I feel empty. Abandoned. Lost. Forsaken. Expelled. An exile. I genuinely loved her. She speaks of not loving herself. Of feeling empty. I'm willing to take on that burden, so that she does not need bare it. Nothing last forever. Pain. Sorrow. Morn. All expelled by never ending time. I would give the world to her if I could, But this is as close as I may ever get. Giving her what I, myself do not even have. A feeling of being accepted, loved, and happiness. She'll never know how hurt i really am. I'll simply hide it. If she even notices what sorrow i have adopted, then she would feel terrible. I only want her to be happy. That's why I have to let her go... I'll never forget her. She's the literal love of my life. No one can ever replace her. But i'll always be there for her. As her best friend. And if she wishes to be more then friends again, my sorrow would be lifted. But until then it shall remain an augmented reality. Blinded by emotions and despair. I'm already broken. So i might as well use my spare parts to fix her. Then at-least she can have what I would want her to have. Self-Acceptance. We'd been best friends for about 9 months. Then we started Dating on the 6th of June, the last day of school. At the end of the day, that one kiss, lifted my spirits, blinded my daemons, and expelled my sorrows. It was a long 2 months before we'd seen each other again, due to school ending, and her living in the next town over. I didn't have any transportation, so i couldn't see her. I wanted to so bad. After the 4th day of being apart, she reassured me of the love we had. She told me "I want my loves with me everywhere i go <3" That immediately  made me want to just run to her house, and hug her like i did on the last day of school. Time passed on, and not with haste. The 2 months felt like years. Finally when school started back up on the 26th of August, we met again. I gave her that same hug i did 2 months ago. I wanted to never let go. I wanted to protect her forever. To give her the world. The first week was filled with love, and joy. All until the next. I noticed she hadn't been as "Loving" Twards me. Ignoring me, no kisses,  soft hugs, not like the ones we used to have. I didn't say anything about it. I wanted too, but i didn't. By then, it was about the 1st of September. We no longer held hands when I walked her to class. We had not hugged before I left her, She simply said, "Have fun...". It was trivial. I didn't think i did anything wrong, but then i started to take things personal. I though I was the problem. I feel into a deep and dark state, and assumed the worse. I thought she had forgot of my love. Adopted another s. But the harsh reality was she didn't love herself. Yesterday, September 7th, is when she messaged me while I was in a game of League of Legends. She started with " i have to talk to you rq after that game..well type..i cant talk, my voice", "a warning, its not going to be good. well i mean i can say what i have too now and you can reply if you want but i dont think you'll want to reply " My heart sank at that very moment... I responded with "Oh... Okay...", " Well, hit me with it I guess..." She then proceeded to say what was inevitable, "I'm having an issue within myself and its incredibly unfair to you. i see your replies to my Skype statuses and i wish that i could say those messages i have are for others but they're for myself
honestly
im having a problem
loving myself
and
i cant love someone else
if i don't love myself
and its incredibly unfair because im basically ignoring you
and
its just not good for either of us
i think that
 (11:21): i need time on my own, not in a relationship, to just, recover and recuperate, and maybe finally love myself and not have to worry about loving or caring about someone else as much"

I felt dead. Left to rot, and die alone... I told her, "I don't know how to respond..." She said " I didnt think you would
so
I'm thinkin that
maybe
it'd be best if
we'd go back to friend status, if you're okay with that"

I then froze. I was speechless. All my moral drained. My heart; Shattered. I manage to reply with "I only want you to be happy... And if that's what it takes, then okay..." I wanted the best for her... No matter what the cost. Even at the expense of my own happiness. The only thing i really had left. She told me "thank you for being so understanding<3" I felt empty even though it's not her, or my fault. It would be unhealthy for her to of continued the relationship, not bearing to love herself... I wanted to make her happy, and i though that i had failed... I asked her "Do you think that in time, things might change?", she responded with "I have no clue... I need alot of time to myself..." That little bit of hope. This small, possibly insignificant piece of information. Is what keeps me going. Though it may not matter, its my light in a dark tunnel... And now only time can tell how far along the tunnel I've traveled. I can only hope she doesn't lose hope...