mIRC Funny Popups

menu nicklist,query {
  -
  Funny
  .Fight Actions !
  ..Random Action !:slap $+ $rand(14,29) $$1
  ..-
  ..Kick Him !:slap15 $$1
  ..Kick Where?:slap16 $$1
  ..Punch Him !:slap17 $$1
  ..Punch Where?:slap18 $$1
  ..-
  ..Hang Him !:slap19 $$1
  ..Hit His Balls:slap20 $$1
  ..Hit With Sword:slap21 $$1
  ..Throw Grenade:slap22 $$1
  ..Tail Whip Where?:slap23 $$1
  ..Burn Him !:slap24 $$1
  ..Burn Where?:slap25 $$1
  ..Shoot Him !:slap26 $$1
  ..Shoot With?:slap27 $$1
  ..Turn To Monster:slap28 $$1
  ..-
  ..Block His Attack:slap14 $$1
  ..Give Him Chance:slap29 $$1
  .Mean Actions !
  ..Random Action !:slap $+ $rand(30,42) $$1
  ..-
  ..Give Shit Bag:slap30 $$1
  ..Piss On Him !:slap31 $$1
  ..Crap On Him !:slap32 $$1
  ..-
  ..Grin Wickedly:slap33 $$1
  ..Smile Warmly:slap34 $$1
  ..Laugh At Him:slap35 $$1
  ..-
  ..Have Problem:slap36 $$1
  ..Turn To Smurf:slap37 $$1
  ..Cast A Spell:slap38 $$1
  ..Send To Hell:slap39 $$1
  ..LawnMow Him:slap40 $$1
  ..Stretch Him !:slap41 $$1
  ..-
  ..Give Him Beer:slap42 $$1
  .Mean Slaps !
  ..Random Slap !:slap $+ $rand(43,55) $$1
  ..-
  ..Throw A Melon:slap43 $$1
  ..Throw Cantalope:slap44 $$1
  ..Pumpkin Guts:slap45 $$1
  ..-
  ..Lose Your Dog:slap46 $$1
  ..Eros Picture:slap47 $$1
  ..Natural Blond:slap48 $$1
  ..Goat Zaney:slap49 $$1
  ..Turn To Stone:slap50 $$1
  ..Butt Ugly:slap51 $$1
  ..Drown Him !:slap52 $$1
  ..Give Warning:slap53 $$1
  ..Dislike Him !:slap54 $$1
  ..-
  ..Trout Slap !:slap55 $$1
  .Funny Slaps !
  ..Random Slap !:slap $+ $rand(1,13) $$1
  ..-
  ..Wine Bottle !:slap1 $$1
  ..Throw Banana:slap2 $$1
  ..Shout At Him:slap3 $$1
  ..-
  ..Slam Door !:slap4 $$1
  ..Cliff Push !:slap5 $$1
  ..Chop Him !:slap6 $$1
  ..Crush Toes !:slap7 $$1
  ..-
  ..Ginsu Knives:slap8 $$1
  ..Tissue Rub:slap9 $$1
  ..Drown To Lake:slap10 $$1
  ..Chainsaw Him:slap11 $$1
  ..Hire Murder !:slap12 $$1
  ..-
  ..Give Company:slap13 $$1
  .-
  .Love Actions !
  ..Random Action !:lact $+ $rand(1,17) $$1
  ..-
  ..Give Loving Hug:lact1 $$1
  ..Give Tight Hug:lact2 $$1
  ..Give Embrace:lact3 $$1
  ..-
  ..Give Light Kiss:lact4 $$1
  ..Kiss Slowly:lact5 $$1
  ..-
  ..Perfect Rose:lact6 $$1
  ..Yellow Rose:lact7 $$1
  ..Cuddle With:lact8 $$1
  ..Gentle Caress:lact9 $$1
  ..Fall In Love:lact10 $$1
  ..Beautiful:lact11 $$1
  ..Ask To Marry:lact12 $$1
  ..Sing Love Song:lact13 $$1
  ..Slow Dance:lact14 $$1
  ..Tickle All Over:lact15 $$1
  ..Great Body !:lact16 $$1
  ..-
  ..Have Hard Sex !:lact17 $$1
  .-
  .Normal Slap:/me slaps $$1 around a bit with a large trout
  -
}

;-=> Slaps
alias slap1 { me Smashes A Five Liter Wine Bottle To $1 $+ 's Head ! Oh My... Not That One ! It Was My Last 1895 Le Chateau Brie Gallo Bottle ! }
alias slap2 { me Lights A Banana On Fire And Throws It At $1 $+ 's Cousin ! | say $1 $+ , If Your Parents Got Divorced, Would They Still Be Cousins ? }
alias slap3 { me Starts Shouting "Long Live The Moose People" At $1 And Watches $1 Go Totally Insane ! So It Looks Like This When Someone's Brains Come Out From Their Ears... }
alias slap4 { me Slams The Door On $1 $+ 's Fingers And Then Locks It ! | say Hey $1 $+ , Don't Go Anywhere ! }
alias slap5 { me Shoves $1 Off From The Nearest Cliff ! | me Starts To Count Seconds, And Gets To 15 Before $1 Hits The Ground ! }
alias slap6 { me Chops $1 Up With An Axe In Millions Of Pieces And Buries $1 In Their Backyard ! Have Fun There With The Others... }
alias slap7 { me Crushes $1 $+ 's Toes With A Hammer ! I Heard That They Take A Long Time To Heal... | say Is That True $1 ? }
alias slap8 { me Starts Playing With Ginsu Knives And "Accidently" Gives $1 A Neat Trim... | me Thinks $1 Looks Very Nice As Scarfed Baldie ! | say Yeah. Definately Your Style $1 ! }
alias slap9 { me Grabs A Snotty Tissue And Rubs It All Over $1 $+ 's Face ! Come Back After You Wash Your Face ! }
alias slap10 { me Drowns $1 In The Nearest Lake ! $1 Gets A New NickName As "Sleeps With The Fishes" ! }
alias slap11 { me Runs After $1 With A ChainSaw ! Let's See How Well This New Blade Can Cut Human Flesh... | say SKREEK... KRRAKK... Hmm Pretty Well Actually ! }
alias slap12 { me Hires Someone To Murder $1 ! I Am Willing To Pay Serious Money For It... | me Looks At Their Wallet And Sees Only Dust Balls In There... | say I Guess I Have To Let You Go Then $1 $+ ... }
alias slap13 { me Thinks $1 Looks Pretty Lonely And Would Like Some Company... | me Gives $1 A Blow Up Doll To Make Their Life Dream Come True: To Find Out That Someone Else Is Just As Stupid As $1 Themself ! }
alias slap14 { me Blocks $1 $+ 's Futile And Hopeless Attack ! You Got To Try Harder... }
alias slap15 { me Warms Their Muscles Up For A While... | me Then Points A Powerful Kick To $1 $+ 's Head ! }
alias slap16 { me Moves Back To Do A RoundHouse Kick And Hits $1 In The $$?="Where Do You Want To Hit?:" ! | me Tries To Control Their Power... But What Can You Do ! There's Too Much Of It ! }
alias slap17 { me Punches $1 Sharply In The Nose ! | say You Bleed Like A Pig $1 ! Here's Some Paper :) }
alias slap18 { me Pulls Back Their 5 Kg Fist And Hits $1 Sharply In The $$?="Where Do You Want To Hit?:" ! | say Damn, That Must Have Hurt (Guess U Can't Feel Anything Anymore Though) ! }
alias slap19 { me Puts A Tight Rope Around $1 $+ 's Neck And Pushes Them Off From The Cliff ! | say You Are Hung ! HeHe ! $1 Is A Swinging Pendulum ! }
alias slap20 { me Hits $1 Quickly In The Growings ! | me Watches As $1 Rolls Around In The Ground ! }
alias slap21 { say $1 $+ , Want To Bring This Back In Time ? | me Gets On Their Armor And Pulls Out Their Version 12 °ShowDowN PrO° Executioner Sword ! | say You Asked For It $1 ! (Here We Go...) | me Hits $1 With The Sword In Their $$?="Where Do You Want To Hit?:" ! | say A Big *!CRACK!* Fills The Air ! }
alias slap22 { me Takes Out A Grenade ! ...Pulls The Pin ...4 ...3 ...2 ...1 And Tosses It To $1 ! | say !*#*! KABOW !*#*! Damn... what a BLAST ! }
alias slap23 { say MwHaHaHaHaHa ! | me Whips Their Monstrous Tail To Break $1 $+ 's $$?="What Do You Want To Break?:" ! | me Shows Their 300 Teeth And Then Eats $1 Balls ! (Yummy) }
alias slap24 { me Lights A Match And Sets $1 On Fire ! | me Thinks That $1 Makes A Great Torch ! }
alias slap25 { say GRRRRRR... | me Opens Their Mouth And Blows Fire, Burning $1 $+ 's $$?="What Do You Want To Burn?:" ! | say Who Wants Fryed Chicken ? }
alias slap26 { me Blows $1 $+ 's Head Away With A Double Barrel Shotgun ! Ka-BLAST ! }
alias slap27 { say OK, You Are Bugging Me, Time To Get Rough, $1 ! | me Pulls Out Their $$?="What Weapon Will You Use?:" And Hits With It At $1 To Cause Some MAJOR Damage To Their $$?="Where To Cause Damage?:" ! | say Oh Man... That Sure Was Effective :) }
alias slap28 { say ArrrgH ! You Are Almost Beating Me $1 $+ ... | me Falls To The Ground And Starts To Shake ! | me Turns In To A Huge Monster With 300 Teeth And A Large Tail Full Of Horns ! | me Growls And Bites $1 $+ 's Head Off ! | say Ahh.. That Was Delicious ! BURP ! }
alias slap29 { say I Am Not Being Fair Am I ? | me Turns Back To Mortal... | say Now You have At Least A Little Chance $1 ! }
alias slap30 { me Hands $1 A Flaming Bag Of Shit ! Have Fun With It ! }
alias slap31 { me Pisses All Over $1 And Watches Them Melt... }
alias slap32 { me Craps All Over $1 ! | say Damn ! That Is What I Call A ShitPileMan ! What A Stinch ! }
alias slap33 { me Grins At $1 Wickedly ! }
alias slap34 { me Smiles Warmly At $1 ! LaLaLaa... What ? Me Planning Something ? Nahh... :) }
alias slap35 { me Laughs Uncontrollably At $1 ! No Offense ! Hahahahaa ! }
alias slap36 { me Wonders: $1 $+ , DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM ? | say WELL SOLVE IT BUTTMUNCH BUT DON'T GO CRYING TO ME ABOUT IT ! }
alias slap37 { me Falls To The Ground... Changes To Blue... And Turns Into A GIANT SMURF ! THEN SINGS THE SMURF SONG TO $1 ALL NIGHT LONG! | say LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA ! | say Hey $1 $+ , You Want An Encore Performance ? }
alias slap38 { me Casts A Ancient Magic Spell Of $$?="Whose Spell Will You Cast?:" Upon $1 ! | say $1 Is Blinded And Paralized Immediately... }
alias slap39 { me Moves Couple Of Steps Back... And Then Runs Forward Towards $1 ! | me Kicks $1 $+ 's Ass All The Way To The Moon ! }
alias slap40 { say Ahhh ! It's That Time Again ! | me Takes Out A LawnMower And Starts To Cut Some Gr(ass) ! | say La La La... THUD ! What Was That ? | me Notices That He Has Given $1 A Permanent HairCut ! }
alias slap41 { me Ties $1 $+ 's Feet To A Lamp Post... | me Then Ties $1 $+ 's Hands To The Rear Bumper Of Their Car And Drives Away With A Maximum Speed ! }
alias slap42 { me Hands $1 A Nice Cold $$?="Enter Brand Of Beer?:" | say You Sure Look You Needed That $1 :) }
alias slap43 { me Lights A Watermelon On Fire And Throws It At $1 ! I Am Not Taking It Back ! }
alias slap44 { me Lights a Cantalope On Fire And Throws It At $1 ! }
alias slap45 { me Grabs A Handful Of Pumpkin Guts And Sticks Them Down $1 $+ 's Throat ! | me Wonders Why $1 Is Coughing... Have You Catched Cold Again ? }
alias slap46 { me Lets Their Dog Loose After $1 $+ ... | say $me $+ 's Dog Never Returns... Damn... What Happened To It ? | me Gets Sad After Their Dog Left... So $me Writes A Melancholic Country Song About Their Dog's And $1 $+ 's Sexual Affair ! }
alias slap47 { me Forces $1 Stare At Eros's Picture ! | me Watches As $1 Goes Blind ! (MwHaHaHa) }
alias slap48 { me Thinks $1 Is A Natural Blond By The Way (s)He Types... | me Does An Intensive Research Going Through Several Hair Dyes To Find Out That $1 Is Just Plain Stupid ! | say Man... And All This Trouble... And Just Got Lost Brains And Bad Hair ! }
alias slap49 { me Looks At $1 Who Is Staring At Hairy Old Goat Zaney... | me Thinks $1 And Zaney Make A Cute Couple Since Both Smell Bad And Need A Haircut Badly ! }
alias slap50 { me Has Been Turned To Stone Because Of $1 $+ 's Uglyness ! }
alias slap51 { me Is Tired Of Seeing $1 $+ 's Butt Ugly Face ! | me Gives $1 A Bag For Their Monstrous Head To Hide ! | say I Hope You Keep It In There ! }
alias slap52 { me Drowns $1 In A Cup Of Water ! Wow... That Was Easy... }
alias slap53 { me Warns $1 To Watch Their Mouth Because There Is A Risk Of Being Kicked To The Moon ! }
alias slap54 { me Says: Sure I Like You $1 $+ ... | say BUT NOT TODAY ! }
alias slap55 { me slaps $1 around a bit with a Hairy, Slimy, Smelly, RadioActive trout ! }
;-=> Love Actions
alias lact1 { me gives $1 a big 4loving (((( HUG )))) ! }
alias lact2 { me is hugging $1 -tightly- ! (I hope you can breath...) }
alias lact3 { me gives $1 a 4loving tight embrace ! }
alias lact4 { me (((( kisses )))) $1 lightly on their soft rosy cheek ! }
alias lact5 { me takes $1 into their strong arms and kisses $1 slowly and gently... just like in the movies. }
alias lact6 { me gives $1 a perfect red rose  4@3--,-'--- ! | say It's straight from my heart ! }
alias lact7 { me hands a yellow rose to $1 $+ ... 8@3-}--}--- ! It was not cheap but you sure are worth even more ! }
alias lact8 { me cuddles up closely to $1 ! I hope you don't mind having such an attractive person next to you ? }
alias lact9 { me caresses $1 gently and holds them tight. | say It's allright baby... I am here now for you... }
alias lact10 { say I must be in 4LOVE big time with $1 $+ ... (((( -Blush- )))) ! }
alias lact11 { me falls in love with $1 's beautiful appearance... Ahhhh... No words to describe it ! }
alias lact12 { me gets down on the knees before oh so beautiful and lovely $1 $+ , and asks: " $+ $1 , will you marry me ?" | say *SMILE* ...(say yes please please(!)... }
alias lact13 { me sings "You Are So Beautiful To Me" with passion to $1 $+ , meaning every word ! }
alias lact14 { me dances slowly, body to body with $1 to soft romantic music... the pale moonlight reflects $me $+ 's and $1 $+ 's figures on the wall. Both can feel how the passion starts to grow... }
alias lact15 { me *tickles* $1 all over ! }
alias lact16 { me is melting down like wax every time they see a body like $1 has ! | say I must be dreaming... can you pinch me please $1 ? }
alias lact17 {
  me is whispering something to $1 $+ 's ear... | say Few minutes pass and then... (things go like I planned them...)
  .timer 1 7 me has proceeded and is now having hard and passionate *sex* with $1 $+ ... It's amazing... $me lasts for hours...! | .timer 1 18 say Time goes on and $1 begs me not to come but... eYh, ahHH... hmmMM... ...oooOOOHHH !!!!!
  .timer 1 20 say Sorry couldn't help it ! I was great as long as it lasted. Here, have some paper $1 $+ . Now who's laughing there!? :)
}