Stephen Merchant

I fucking hate smerch

I can't fucking take it. I see an image of a random object posted and then I see it, I fucking see it. "Oh that looks kinda like stephen merchant" it started as. That's funny, that's a cool reference. But I kept going, I'd see a fish that looked like stephen merchant, I'd see a cgi alien that looked like stephen merchant, I'd see a greta thurnberg that looked like stephen merchant. And every time I'd burst into an insane, breath deprived laugh staring at the image as the words MECHANT ran through my head. It's torment, psychological torture, I am being conditioned to laugh maniacly any time I see a skinny object with bulging eyes. I can't fucking live like this... I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't! And don't get me fucking started on the words! I'll never hear the word arbitrary again without thinking of stephen merchant. Someone does something bad and I can't say anything other than "man alive." I could watch a man murder everyone I love and all I would be able to say is "I’m a rapist-murderer" and laugh like a fucking insane person. And the word "lanky" is ruined. The phrase "goggle eyed" is ruined. I can't live anymore. Stephen merchant has destroyed my fucking life. I want to shoot a portal to the moon and suffocate in the cold, uncaring vacuum of space. MAKE IT STOP!