Spaghetti Monster - Cause of Gravity

Chapter 1:1 - The Need for Alternative Theories , page 3

Take gravity, for example: the force of attraction between massive
particles. We know a great deal about the properties of gravity, yet we
know nothing about the cause of the force itself. Why are particles attracted to one other? If we review the literature, we find a lot of material dealing with the properties of gravity, but very little dealing with the
underlying cause of this attraction. Until we have a proven answer to
this question, it seems irresponsible to instruct students in what is, ultimately, just a theory. However, if we must discuss the theory of gravity at all, then it's reasonable that all suggested theories should be given
equal time, since none have been proven or disproven. Therefore, I formally submit that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is behind this strange and often misunderstood force.
What if it is He, pushing us down with His Noodly Appendages, that
causes this force? He is invisible, remember, and is undetectable by
current instruments, so in theory it is possible. And the fact that the
gravitational powers of the Spaghetti Monster haven't been disproven
makes it all the more likely to be true. We can only guess as to His motives, but it's logical to assume that if He is going to such trouble, there
is a good reason. It could be that He doesn't want us floating off earth
into space, or maybe just that He enjoys touching us—we may never
know.