Guards Guards - Trinkets

“Just shut up, will you?” he snapped. “We don't really need the Wheels of Torment tonight. Stop it, the pair of you. Now, Brethren-you have all brought the items as instructed?”

There was a general murmuring.

“Place them in the Circle of Conjuration, ” said the Supreme Grand Master.

It was a sorry collection. Bring magical things, he'd said. Only Brother Fingers had produced anything worthwhile. It looked like some sort of altar ornament, best not to ask from where. The Supreme Grand Master stepped forward and prodded one of the other things with his toe.

“What, ” he said, “is this?”

“ 's a amulet, ” muttered Brother Dunnykin. “ 's very powerful. Bought it off a man. Guaranteed. Protects you against crocodile bites. ”

“Are you sure you can spare it?” said the Supreme Grand Master. There was a dutiful titter from the rest of the Brethren.

“Less of that, brothers, ” said the Grand Master, spinning around. “Bring magical things, I said. Not cheap jewellery and rubbish! Good grief, this city is lousy with magic!” He reached down. “What are these things, for heaven's sake?”

“They're stones, ” said Brother Plasterer uncertainly.

“I can see that. Why're they magical?”

Brother Plasterer began to tremble. “They've got holes in them, Supreme Grand Master. Everyone knows that stones with holes in them are magical. ”

The Supreme Grand Master walked back to his place on the circle. He threw his arms up.

“Right, fine, okay, ” he said wearily. “If that's how we're going to do it, that's how we're going to do it. If we get a dragon six inches long we'll all know the reason why. Won't we, Brother Plasterer. Brother Plasterer? Sorry. I didn't hear what you said? Brother Plasterer?”

***

Guards Guards - p42-44