The Activity Club #uranium-chef 11/9/2018

DiscoDude: Session logging commenced
GM: HOLLY: “And that was an impressive performance indeed from Team Perfection! Next up we have Team… Cold Shoulder! Nice pun, Professor!”
GM: Greto turns back to the group. “I think the Professor should start with our amuse bouche, followed by Dovelia with the salad. I’ll present the soup and main course, and Dovelia finishes off with the dessert. Sound good?”
Dovelia: "A workable arrangement."
GM: "Ah- before we start," says Gula, "I'm feeling a bit full." He takes out a small tablet as Hapax and Demargo nod and take out their own tablets.
"I'm a robot," says Ziziphus. "I burn my fuel instantly, so I don't need one."
The three organic judges swallow their tablets, some thump their chests as a green gas bursts out of mouths and nostrils.
"Oof, okay," says Hapax. "We should be ready to go for Round 2."
GM: "Yepperdoodle!" Prof. Norstar does a hop, skip, and jump up to the table to present the first dish. "Thank you for the thank you, Holly! Let us begin with an amuse bouche of my own design!" A row of miso spoons is brought forward on a plate. "This is crabadger ceviche, neatly arranged with julienned bitterleaf peppers with SCIENTIFIC PRECISION in a miso spoon lined with just the right amount of soy sauce! One spoon per person, no exceptions."
GM: - JUDGING: TEAM COLD SHOULDER -
GM: SOY CRABADGER CEVICHE

• [Chilled Crabadger Ceviche - Cool] (Value:5)
  | - [Julienned Bitterleaf Peppers - Bitter] (Value:1)
  ^ - [In a Soy-Lined Miso Spoon - Savory] (Value:-1)
  GM: || HL: “I find ceviches to be usually underwhelming…” ||
  || HL: “But then, bitterleaf peppers have this great crunch to them…” ||
  || Z7: “Soy sauce is an excellent way to enrich the other flavors, too…” ||
  || AG: “Crab ceviche; I’m a teensy bit worried… but also intrigued…” ||
  || PHD: “Salmonella is fine for me, but for your sake, I’d just be ‘worried’…” ||
  || PHD: “Then again, Ziziphus makes an excellent point for its flavor…” ||
  GM: !roll 4dF (Impressions)
  DiscoDude: <@GM> rolled 4dF for 2 [4dF = [+][ ][+][ ]] (Impressions)
  GM: (This works. XD)
  GM: HAPAX: "Mm! The bitterleaf peppers serve as an excellent contrast to this soft crabadger meat!"
  The prince, meanwhile, is thinking to himself... 'I'm not tasting the soy... Did she forget it...? Or perhaps my palette isn't refined enough to detect it...?'
  ZIZIPHUS: "I'm not tasting any soy..."
  DEMARGO: "Nonsense. I can taste it just fine. You just need to refine your palette." The other three judges give him an odd look, but shrug.
  FINAL SCORE: 9
  GM: "I knew soy was the right choice," says Prof. Norstar as she bounces back to the group. "The floor is yours, <@!Dovelia>!"
  GM: "What. Is. That." Hapax looks pretty excited.
  Dovelia: "Mmmyes." Dovelia approaches the judges, personally wheeling her creation forward. "This is a variant on a traditional preparation often seen in the households of the Chater elite. The native word is...unfamiliar. But it translates more or less directly to 'salad sculpture.' The body of the chlororam has been rendered in chunks of its own flesh, gently macerated, and within is a tree tomato salsa topped with generous portions of Royal Blood dressing." She smirks: "As much as I hate to disappoint the conqueror, the name is a reference to the color; there is no actual blood in it." She winks. "Bon appetit."
  GM: > - [Rampant Chlororam Salad Statue - Bitter] (Value:7)
  | - [Tree Tomato Salsa - Sour] (Value:4)
  ^ - [Topped with Royal Blood Dressing - Savory] (Value:1)
  GM: || HL: “YOU MADE A RAM! OUT OF ITS OWN FLESH…!” 8D ||
  || PHD: “Blood dressing, even if only in spirit? You know me too well…” ||
  || Z7: “Well, I for one can’t wait to taste how it goes with the rest of it…” ||
  || AG: “Seems a bit loud for a salad, doesn’t it…?” ||
  GM: !roll 4dF (Impressions)
  DiscoDude: <@GM> rolled 4dF for 1 [4dF = [+][ ][-][+]] (Impressions)
  GM: (Ooh... Should the Professor invoke the prince's favorite flavor she discovered? Or should she save it for something more dire?)
  GM: (I think she'll save it.)
  GM: HAPAX: "This is the most awesome salad I have ever seen! I... sniff I kinda didn't want to cut it open. It's so majestic!"
  DEMARGO: "I know you said the dressing didn't have literal blood, but why call it that if you aren't going to even attempt to emulate the flavor?"
  GULA: "You see not tasting literal blood in your dish as a bad thing?"
  DEMARGO: "... You're right. I'm being unreasonable by demanding something the others would not enjoy. My apologies."
  GM: FINAL SCORE: 15
  Dovelia: smiles. Of course the salad was well-received. Now Greto's turn...
  GM: "My turn." Greto steps up and half-heartedly gestures to the soup in a skull.
  "Buh-jeebus," stutters Ziziphus. "What is it?"
  "... Egg drop soup, with dried stratosquid strips, served in a, ah... chlororam skull."
  GM: HAPAX: "Don't be a baby! Let's just eat!"
  GM: > - [Egg-Drop Soup - Cool] (Value:3)
  | - [Dried Stratosquid Strips - Sour] (Value:2)
  ^ - [Edible Chlororam Bowl (Gruesome) - Bitter] (Value:-1)
  GM: || AG: “Quite a feat to make egg drop soup that doesn’t taste watery…” ||
  || PHD: “You’re being fairly optimistic about this, aren’t you…?” ||
  || HL: “Ha! That skull looks awesome…” ||
  GM: !roll 4dF (Impressions)
  DiscoDude: <@GM> rolled 4dF for 1 [4dF = [+][-][ ][+]] (Impressions)
  GM: HAPAX: "Mild, but impactful! I love how it's served in a skull!"
  ZIZPHUS: "It's staring at me... I can't eat this with it... judging me!" shudder
  GULA: "While unconventional, I do appreciate the reprieve from the salad before it. Not that it wasn't good to begin with!"
  GM: (And I think Greto will invoke Hapax's favorite flavor.)
  GM: HAPAX: "Come on! You're being a wuss! EMBRACE THE SKULL!"
  ZIZIPHUS: "NOOOOO!"
  Hapax holds up the skull and attempts to dump its contents into Ziziphus 7. When most of it ends up on the floor, Hapax eats the skull.
  "Tastes good, too."
  GM: FINAL SCORE: 8
  Dovelia: stifles a SNRK.
  GM: Ambassador is laughing out loud outright, and the prince himself is concealing an amused grin.
  "O-kay. So next we have our main course." The skillet comes forward. "A marble steak and set of crabadger claws marinated in buttery acid and served hot in a skillet."
  GM: ZIZIPHUS: "Oh, please, gimme! I need something to distract me..."
  GM: > - [Marinated Marble Steak - Savory] (Value:3)
  | - [Bedded with Crabadger Claws - Cool] (Value:2)
  | - [Submerged in Buttery Acid - Sour] (Value:2)
  ^ - [In a Piping Hot Skillet - Spicy] (Value:3)
  GM: || PHD: “This marble steak looks excellently marinated…” ||
  || Z7: “It’s so juicy looking, it’s practically glistening…” ||
  || Z7: “But then, it’s rather crowded… How do I approach this…?” ||
  || AG: “I dunno about you, but I’m starting with those claws…” ||
  GM: !roll 4dF (Impressions)
  DiscoDude: <@GM> rolled 4dF for 2 [4dF = [ ][+][ ][+]] (Impressions)
  GM: (And since this is the last dish with savory in it, the Professor's discovery is getting invoked.)
  GM: ZIZIPHUS: "MMMMM! This is what I needed! So juicy. Yummy juice to forget the nightmare juice..."
  DEMARGO: "I do have to commend how you perfectly cooked this steak twice over. One of the better steaks I've had."
  GULA: "'Hot' was certainly the right temperature to serve this with."
  GM: FINAL SCORE: 16
  GM: GRETO: "Time to finish this, <@!Dovelia>."
  GULA: "Ooh, a pie?"
  Dovelia: curtsies to Greto and turns her attention to the judges.
  GM: (BTW, I decided to retcon it so that it's only a margin of +/- 1. And I miscalculated one of the shadow scores of team perfection's dishes. So a neutral or higher result on the roll means you actually beat them.)
  Dovelia: "This is my own adaptation of a traditional pie recipe. The filling is flavored with giftroot, and the topping is a rosemint meringue." She smiles: "There is one further secret to the dish, but I would like to withhold it until the judges have sampled it. It is...my own tradition for this dish, as it were."
  GM: > - [Giftroot & Tuber Pie - Sweet] (Value:4)
  ^ - [Baked Alaska Topping - Cool] (Value:3)
  GM: || HL: “Tuber pie? I remember when my aunt tried to use that trick…” ||
  || AG: “Meringue on a pie? Interesting...” ||
  GM: !roll 4dF (Impressions)
  DiscoDude: <@GM> rolled 4dF for 1 [4dF = [ ][+][-][+]] (Impressions)
  GM: ZIZIPHUS: "Can't say no to pie! Good pie, bad pie... Who am I kidding? There's no such thing as bad pie!"
  DEMARGO: "Ah... This is vegetarian..."
  GULA: "Ah! Ice cream! Pretty clever of you. What's it called?"
  GM: FINAL SCORE: 8
  GM: TEAM COLD SHOULDER TOTAL SCORE: 56
  GM: (Team Perfection's retconned score is 54, BTW.)
  Dovelia: "The flavor is rosemint. It's a common flavoring herb on my homeworld; one of the few things to adopt a properly descriptive galactic name, as those of you familiar with apples know already." She chuckles. "As for the pie itself, the filling is, as said, flavored with giftroot - a single tablespoon, enough to completely masquerade the flavor of the other ingredients. Common, relatively bland tubers such as potato and rutabaga comprise the remainder of the dish - although I dare say their texture did not go unappreciated?"
  GM: "Very nice," said Gula.
  GM: (Team Perfection still holds the highest individual dish, though. 😉 )
  GM: HOLLY: “That was Team Cold Shoulder! Next, we have Team Chaos Theory! Supposedly, 'Team Chaotix' has a copywrite somewhere. I wonder where!"
  GM: - JUDGING: TEAM CHAOS THEORY (BUZEL, MIMI, & MZ. COZO) -
  GM:
  GM: (Skipping Teams Chaos Theory and Harmonious Unity for time. And so...)
  GM: After K-xac’l, Alexx, and Henna walk off the stage, the judges all begin to discuss in hushed tones. After a bit, they all nod to Holly, and she addresses the group.
  “It seems the judges have come to a conclusion!”
  GM: The prince stands up from his seat.
  “We have decided that the overall winning team of this cook off is... Team Cold Shoulder!”
  GM: There’s applause as Prof. Norstar, <@!Dovelia>, and Greto are ushered forward.
  GM: (“But of course!” “It was a bit touch and go, there...”)
  Dovelia: "Naturally."
  GM: “Now then,” says Gula, “this is the part where you all try to convince us that you contributed the most to your team.”
  GM: “Well, naturally,” says Prof. Norstar, “my scientific innovations were vital to our success! Why, without me, Team Cold Shoulder would be without an amuse bouche entirely! And my move with the jet flames was positively a stroke of genius!”
  GM: !roll 4df+3 (Clever)
  DiscoDude: <@GM> rolled 4df+3 for 6 [4df = [+][ ][+][+]] (Clever)
  GM: (And I’ll invoke all three of her popularity aspects for a total of 12.)
  GM: (<@!Dovelia>’s move.)
  Dovelia: (man, how many of those did I accumulate?)
  GM: (One single and one double, it seems.)
  GM: ( <@!Dovelia>? )
  Dovelia: (all right, then)
  Dovelia: cocks her head to the side and smiles. "Indeed. Norstar's work provided some valuable finishing touches upon my own culinary artistry, the backbone of our five-course presentation. Why, the all the effort I spent preparing our dishes might have been utterly and completely wasted if Norstar had not been able to accentuate my work with her subtle additions."
  Dovelia: Her body language and expressions drive the backhanded point she's trying to make home: the majority of the labor was hers, and Norstar's work, while useful, was ultimately filigree.
  Dovelia: !f 2 (Sneaky)
  DiscoDude: <@Dovelia> rolled 4dF+2 for 1 [4dF = [ ][ ][-][ ]]
  Dovelia: (Gah. Nowhere near enough. XD)
  GM: (Don’t forget to boost; there’s still Greto’s roll.)
  Dovelia: (yeah, boosting brings me up to 7, right?)
  GM: (Yep.)
  GM: “How humble of you,” says Greto. “I would ask why you’re downplaying your contributions so much, but it hardly matters. I myself have laid the groundwork for three of the dishes you four have tasted from us, and have made vital additions to all of them.”
  GM: !roll 4df+3 (Sneaky)
  DiscoDude: <@GM> rolled 4df+3 for 7 [4df = [+][+][+][+]] (Sneaky)
  GM: (HOLY CRAP.)
  GM: (<@!Dovelia>, any in-character reaction to what he said before I boost? XD)
  GM: “Hm... That math seems off somehow,” Prof. Norstar mutters to herself.
  Dovelia: doesn't stop smiling, but those familiar with her on her homeworld would recognize the look in her eyes as murderous.
  GM: Fans, meanwhile, are surprised that neither of them are making a direct objection to Greto’s [Bold Lie][!].
  GM: (And using both invokes to bring him up to 11.)
  GM: “Well,” says Hapax, “I think Ziziphus 7 and I both have a nice impression of you three. You’ll be awarded the points we think you deserve soon enough!”
  Dovelia: (in all honesty i didn't even remember he was lying)
  GM: (I mean, I’d think the claims that he made vital contributions to all of them would set off alarm bells.)
  GM: (He only touched 2 of them, after all. XD)
  Reality Glitch: Rachelle turns to Cocoa, whispering, "So what do we do now?"
  GM: Holly steps up to make her next announcement: “There were two other teams that beat the Promethium Chef...”
  GM: “... and those are Team Perfection and Team Harmonious Unity!”
  GM: More applause. Princess Lithia isn’t pleased she didn’t get 1st place, but she can settle for showing up the house chef. K-xac’l is the only one on his team that seemed to care about this victory (Alexx and Henna were more concerned about which of the two beat the other).
  GM: “Unfortunately, Team #Fuzzy_Fam and Team Chaos Theory both ranked just barely under the house chef, and shall receive no points! However, as the two overall lowest scoring teams in this cook-off, they too must step forward. Not to argue for who is better; but rather, who from their team will be placed on the chopping block to potentially be sent home!”
  Reality Glitch: "Am I allowed to nominate myself? I do have kids to I need to take care of." Rachell interjects.
  GM: Cocoa, Rachelle (<@Reality Glitch>), and <@!Ratatoskr> are ushered forward first.
  GM: (Er... You throwing the roll?)
  Reality Glitch: ((Rachelle's got incentive to get booted; though, I wouldn't be surprised if Sirloin Corp. manipulated events so as to prevent that from happening.))
  GM: (I mean, mechanically, you’re totally allowed to throw the face-off. (Cocoa and Ratatoskr both have 2 invokes on you, so you’re likely to get sent forward anyways.) Flavor-wise, I can maybe have the judge’s be insistent on keeping her in over a... certain loser when we get to the chopping block proper, and have her not have the guts to quit outright.)
  Reality Glitch: ((It's not about guts for her; it's about seeing her children again.))
  Reality Glitch: ((Thus, the judges keeping her here despite "volunteering as tribute" would probably be best.))
  GM: “... Is there a rule against that,” Ziziphus whispers into Hapax’s ear.
  “Not that I’m aware of,” he responds.
  “There’s nothing stopping you from admitting all fault on your team,” Holly announces, “but there are legal ramifications for quitting outright. Sending yourself to the chopping block alongside the other two candidates is absolutely something you can do, but if you want to avoid some unintended consequences, you’ll let the judges decide from there whether to eliminate you.”
  Cocoa blinks out of her seething in a brief moment of confusion. “What,” she mouths, and glances at Rachelle like she’s lost her mind.
  Dovelia: "In short," Dovelia quips, "you can quit now, but your fate will not be in your own hands." She sighs. A familiar circumstance.
  Ratatoskr: Both 'Toskrs nervously glance at Cocoa, this is b a d.
  Reality Glitch: "What?" Rachelle worryingly spats, "I was brought here against my will!" She throws her arms over her head, "I shouldn't even have been allowed to participate."
  Reality Glitch: After calming down, she continues, "But I'll go with avoiding the 'unintended consequences'."
  GM: “It’s just the forfeiture of all prizes earned thus far plus a fine, if I remember the contract’s wording correctly,” mutters Greto. “Not one a primitive world chef could likely afford, granted...” He makes a point of not looking at Rachelle.
  Reality Glitch: "I never signed any contract; that's the point."
  Reality Glitch: "I was told this would be a business meeting that'd last only a few days; a week, tops."
  GM: “O-kay,” says Holly. “I bet nobody was expecting this sort of thing to happen in the first episode! You can all step back now.”
  Team Chaos Theory comes forward, and the bubble chef Mimi ends up taking the brunt of the blame by far, and because she couldn’t even muster more than a stuttering mumble of protest...
  GM: “Time to announce the first three to be presented on the dreaded chopping block!” Holly pauses for dramatic effect.
  “... Shelgene! Rachelle Richardson! Mimi Hali!”
  Shelgene is brought forward from the shuttle where he was watching the competition with Zicks and Blobert, to much protest, while Mimi couldn’t muster more than a sigh as she joins the other two.
  Dovelia: frowns. As much as she knows Rachelle would...probably be much better off going home, the thought that she might not get to see her skill tested to its fullest disappoints her.
  GM: “First up is Shelgene...” The prince stands up to address the fuzzy little guy directly. “We were told that out of the three who were sat out of the final cook-off, your performance in the quick-fire was the most disappointing. I have actually seen a photo of the dish, and it is literally just a sugar snail, turned on its shell, broken open on a plate like a dropped melon. That is all. Raw. Nothing else on the plate. Even...” He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Even my composure was tested when confronted with this insult to this ingredient so beloved to this planet.”
  “Yeah,” said Gula. “I saw it too, and lemme tell you; I wish I could say my friend was exaggerating. I’m told the poor thing was still alive! This is honestly so sad it wraps right around to being hilarious. Whadda you have to say for yourself?”
  GM: “I did what could be expected of any master chef!” Shelgene does not waver in defending himself. “I have never worked with snails before. I had no knowledge of how to cook them. Is it even reasonable to expect us to cook that?! If it weren’t for my lack of knowledge about this particular ingredient, I would have wiped the floor with everyone here!”
  GM: “I see,” says Gula. “Hapax, care to take the next one?”
  GM: “Of course,” he says. “Miss Richardson... Having watched your performance today, I got the impression of a chicken running around with its head cut off...”
  GM: “I too remember being overwhelmed when I first travelled off-world, and I must say that you being a bit disoriented is understandable considering how sudden it was from your perspective...”
  GM: “But then, even still, I’m a little disappointed in how you let that affect your performance. Having seen you in action as the face of Sirloin Corp, I know for a fact that you’re holding yourself back right now... Am I wrong?”
  GM: (<@Reality Glitch>?)
  Reality Glitch: ((Give me a moment to catch up; I was away for a bit.))
  Reality Glitch: "I....What? You know about them?" Rachelle rubs her temples. "Of course you know, they're probably the ones that sent me here."
  Reality Glitch: ((Sorry; I went to research the past sessions to compose that line.))
  Reality Glitch: ((<@!GM>?))
  GM: (I’m here. Does Rachelle have an actual answer for Hapax’s question?)
  Reality Glitch: ((I was thinking someone would respond, either entertaining the new train of thought and/or pointing out the derailment.))
  GM: “You mean you weren’t aware that you’re acting as Sirloin Corp’s official representative in this?”
  “Hapax,” said Gula, “you’re letting her get you off topic.”
  “Ah- Right! Answer the question, please.”
  Reality Glitch: "Wh-Right! I don't want to rely on my Earthling assumptions too much because, this ain't Earth, and I've already been shown how it doesn't play by the same rules."
  GM: “Well. It would do well for you to have a little more confidence in what got you here to begin with,” he finishes. “Finish us off, Ziziphus.”
  “Right,” the android says. “Mimi. Mimi, Mimi, Mimi...”
  GM: “You sure did take the blame for... wow, just about everything that could have gone wrong on your team. And your only real contribution was putting some meatballs inside bubbles.”
  “Th...” Mimi stutters a response. “Th-that’s correct, M-M-Mr. 7.”
  “Please, call me Zizi. I mean, I should be disappointed as hell.” He starts counting off his fingers on one hand. “Those meatballs were pretty tasty. I hear your quick-fire dish was perfectly fine too. Yet, you somehow failed to accomplish barely anything at all in twice the time. It’s hard to believe that you seriously face-planted this hard after that quickfire.” He stops counting and folds his hands, with a smile hiding a hint of concern. “And then there was the final face-off. It sort of seemed like you wanted to say something back there.”
  Reality Glitch: ((End of this first episode is a major milestone, right?))
  GM: (I’ll discuss it later. Definitely a Minor at least.)
  GM: “Th-that...” Mimi seems uncertain.
  “Is there something you want to tell us now?”
  “... U-um... N-no. It’s n-nothing... B-b-but please don’t vote m-me off.”
  “We’ll see about that...” Ziziphus 7 sighs despite not needing to as an Android.
  The four judges reconvene to discuss some more before they all rise to give their final verdict.
  Dovelia: looks at Greto and politely whispers: "You'll pay for that."
  GM: HAPAX: “It was a tough competition! Everyone fought long and hard! Some... not so much.”
  ZIZIPHUS: “Indeed, this is Uranium Chef. A screwup or two is to be expected amidst the chaos, obviously.”
  DEMARGO: “However, this is Uranium Chef. Though low due to said chaos, there is indeed a bottom line that is generally expected of you.”
  GULA: “Yeah, it’s surprisingly low, but boy did one of you fail to clear even that!”
  ...
  GULA: “For that reason, we have decided to eliminate Shelgene from the competition first.”
  Dovelia: "No surprise there," Dovelia remarks.
  GM: “This is an outrage!” Shelgene is not happy. “I’m better than any of these wannabes! I want my lawyer!” And he continues to rant on like a mildly annoyed child for... a surprising number of minutes, before security is finally called on to remove him. He’s still ranting and somehow maintaining his rigid plank-like posture as he’s literally carried out under one arm.
  GM: - SHELGENE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED -
  GM: HOLLY: “With that, Shelgene has become the first contestant to be eliminated on Uranium Chef! Who will be the second? Stay tuned next week in our next exciting episode on the lush planet of the eternal storm; Qara-Tengu!”
  GM: (Do <@&492818331418755092> have any final lines in the confessional booth before (and during) the credits?)
  Dovelia: "For a moment I made the mistake of respetcting Greto. No more. Never again."
  Reality Glitch: ((No confessionals, but I want a small conversation between Rachelle and Dovelia regarding what she overheard the previous night.))
  GM: (That can be addressed next episode. (Also, how would she know Arty’s connection to Dovelia?))
  Reality Glitch: ((Aside from being the same species, no.))
  Ratatoskr: (I am dead, so nein cofessional from me except for Ratatoskr being dissapointed he didn't win against the chef)
  Reality Glitch: ((I feel like Rachelle would go out of her way to talk with the people behind the show about the whole "her being here" situation. Probably include a line like "I'm sure there are space laws against this kind of stuff, right?"))
  GM: (Then let us... “!end,” because The Dude messed up. Shame on you, Dude.)