Thief of Time - The First

'You were the first,' said Lu-Tze. 'You basically created the whole business. Innovative, you were.'

'That was then,' said Ronnie Soak. 'It's all changed now.'

'Not like it used to be,' agreed Lu-Tze.

'Take Death,' said Ronnie Soak. 'Impressive, I'll grant you, and who doesn't look good in black? But, after all, Death... What's death?'

'Just a big sleep,' said Lu-Tze.

'Just a big sleep,' said Ronnie Soak. 'As for the others... War? If war's so bad, why do people keep doing it?'

'Practically a hobby,' said Lu-Tze. He began to roll himself a cigarette.

'Practically a hobby,' said Ronnie Soak. 'As for Famine and Pestilence, well...'

'Enough said,' said Lu-Tze sympathetically.

'Exactly. I mean, Famine's a fearful thing, obviously-'

'-in an agricultural community, but you've got to move with the times,' said Lu-Tze, putting the roll-up in his mouth.

'That's it,' said Ronnie. 'You've got to move with the times. I mean, does your average city person fear famine?'

'No, he thinks food grows in shops,' said Lu-Tze. He was beginning to enjoy this. He had eight hundred years' worth of experience in steering the thoughts of his superiors, and most of them had been intelligent. He decided to strike out a little.

'Fire, now: city folk really fear fire,' he said. 'That's new. Your primitive villager, he reckoned fire was a good thing, didn't he? Kept the wolves away. If it burned down his hut, well, logs and turf are cheap enough. But now he lives in a street of crowded wooden houses and everyone's cooking in their rooms, well-'

Ronnie glared.

'Fire? Fire? Just a demi-god! Some little tea-leaf pinches the flame from the gods and suddenly he's immortal? You call that training and experience?' A spark leapt from Ronnie's fingers and ignited the end of Lu-Tze's cigarette. 'And as for gods-'

'Johnny-come-latelys, the pack of 'em,' said Lu-Tze quickly.

'Right! People started worshipping them because they were afraid of me,' said Ronnie. 'Did you know that?'

'No, really?' said Lu-Tze innocently.

But now Ronnie sagged. 'That was then, of course,' he said. 'It's different now. I'm not what I used to be.’

***

The Thief of Time - p296-298