Kanaya left Karkat to go and speak with rose, leaving the troll all alone in the lab with Dave. Even being half a room away made him uncomfortable, and he paced back and forth for several minutes before actually going over to him. And... for whatever reason, putting a hand on his cheek. Dave stirred, kinda fading in and out. He was sitting - rather, slouching back against it - in one of the computer chairs. They'd cleaned most of the blood off his face; his shirt was off and his torso was heavily bandaged, obscuring most of the skin from view. Blood was very faintly dotting the white gauze. His arms were limp at his sides, dried blood - his own - under the nails. His lip was split, but not bleeding. His shades and cape, and his shirt, were off to the side, folded neatly on the countertop. A bandage was wrapped around his head. He was concussed but didn't suffer any brain damage. Hopefully. His eyes were red from obvious crying. And when he opened them... the slivered lids showed his red irises; dull and glassy. He took a sharp intake of breath, hands gripping into the chair cushion he was sitting on.

"K-Kan?" he muttered weakly. When he focused, he saw Karkat's face - his brows knit and he shook his head. Not the person he wanted to see. He didn't want to see anyone. He just kinda wanted to close his eyes and go back to not existing again. Being awake hurt. It hurt everywhere and everything in him just wanted to do anything to make it stop.

"No, shitstain, it's me." Karkat took a deep breath. "Look, I need to fucking talk to you. About what happened." The troll knelt down, a hand on Dave's knee. He looked up at him as the troll got closer, watching him with those red eyes of his. Dave's breath caught in his throat at the subject but he couldn't say anything. Not just yet. Maybe if he ignored Karkat long enough he'd just go away. "It's not what you thought it was. You don't know what he's like, okay? He just.. He never meant to.." Another awkward pause, and he watched Karkat wring his hands. "Listen. He doesn't.. He doesn't get it, okay? How humans work. We have this.. Fucking quadrant system, you know about that, right? Black fucking romance. It's.." Another pause, hands back on Dave's knees. "Caliginous relationships are violent and hate-based, and he was.. Interested, okay? I don't.. I don't know how he didn't.." Karkat swallowed. "Just.. Fucking understand, please?"

 Everything kinda floated around in his head, what Karkat was saying... He knew exactly what Karkat was saying. It didn't make a lot of sense, but he heard every word. When he spoke, his voice was scratchy - like he'd been crying and screaming for hou - oh wait, he had been.

"So just like that, it's supposed to be fucking okay." His words and tone were impassive; entirely lacking any sort-of feeling to them. He understood alright. It wasn't what he thought it was, huh? "Do you know what we call that on earth?" he asked, no inflection in the question. "People will get locked away for stuff like that. They get locked away, and sometimes they get sentenced to death for it. I never thought for a single second that I'd come here and have some troll interested in me in any sort-of way. Not like that." When emotion finally showed on Dave's face, it was disgust. At himself. He swallowed thickly.  "I can still taste it, bro." His eyes were wet. "I can feel it in the back of my throat." If Gamzee had stopped there, if he had let him go after face-fucking him, Dave might have been alright. That was something easy to laugh off. Or walk away from uneasily but still be okay. His brows knit again, and he was looking at Karkat - but he was looking /through/ him. "I tried to kill myself. But I just keep coming back..." His voice cracked and he shook his head, chin lowering to his chest. He wasn't okay.

"F-Fuck, don't TALK like that." He stood up, and he was visibly shaken by it - not quite as much as Dave, but still hurt, still upset, still angry, and still.. Still sad about it. His hands gripped Dave's knees tighter.  "He didn't fucking get it, okay? He doesn't KNOW, he's fucking stupid, he doesn't know any better, I didn't fucking.. I didn't fucking explain it to him, it's MY fault, not his, not fucking his, okay? Don't fucking TALK like that!" His voice escalated, and Dave cringed; tears welling in his eyes again. "He doesn't know shit about you humans, he didn't know it was wrong, he -- fuck, don't, don't you fucking cry, don't you FUCKING cry, I can see it. Fuck, you piece of fucking -" Karkat stopped, bringing his hands to his eyes.  Dave cradled his broken arm to his chest again, the fingers weakly gripping into his bandages.

"Y-you could do it... couldn't you...?" he murmured softly, looking back up at him again. Karkat wasn't watching. Tears clung to his lashes but refused to spill over the edge of his eyelids, every part of him visibly trembling. Uninjured hand snaked down his leg, hand gripping Karkat's fingers surprisingly tight for as weak as he felt. Weak as he was. It was a desperate, depressing grip. "You could... you could do it f-for me..." Head snapped to the side, as if realizing something. He scowled. "N-no... that wouldn't be fair or just... I'd just come back again..." Unless. Unless Dave attacked him and didn't relent. If Karkat killed Dave in self-defense it'd make it a just death; he was justified in killing him and he'd stay dead. He'd stay dead and none of this would matter. It would be hilariously inconsequential and everyone could go on living their lives. They could make it to the end of the game, the end of their journey. They would meet John and Jade without him, and by the time they did he wouldn't even matter. He'd be dead and forgotten about and it'd be fucking great. "Unless I made you do it... made you want to kill me..."

"I can't fucking kill you. Just forget about it right now." He sniffled - trying to resist the urge to sob again, and let his eyes slip shut, his hands wringing together. "We're gonna find out what to do, okay? It'll be fucking fine for all of us. Listen, you won't even have to see him. You won't have to see him again, just.. Just.. Just don't you fucking dare take him away from me."

 "Do you know what this feels like? How fucking bad it hurts? My arm is broken. I can't fucking sit down, can't fucking turn my head, can't fucking do any goddamn thing without being in pain." His hoarse voice was rising in pitch now too, cracking with emotion. "Maybe I should tell you every fucking sordid detail, Karkat. About how he crushed every breath out of my lungs when he sat on my chest and forced his weird alien dick into my mouth and nearly choked me. Maybe I should tell you about how he tore my clothes off me and held me down. Knelt on my arm so hard it broke. Slammed my head into the wall and the floor four - no, FIVE - times. Forced himself into me and fucking /laughed/ when I cried, bled, told him it hurt, wanted him to stop - If John did that to anyone, I wouldn't even give him a second fucking chance." Talking about John upset him enough to push him over the edge, and his hand let go of Karkat's to grind into his eyes, Dave sobbing again. "Just fucking kill me. Knock me out, throw me off the fucking meteor. I can't fucking do this."

"No, no, NO, he doesn't FUCKING GET IT, Dave, he doesn't understand, don't you fucking tell me that, don't you say a fucking word about it, I can't.. I can't..." He'd broken down at this point, too. The red-tinted tears had been slipping down his cheeks the moment that Dave had started giving him details. "Just.. Just fucking SHUT UP, okay? Just shut your FUCKING mouth, I can't fucking deal with you!" He shook his hand free of Dave's, holding it close to himself. "You don't fucking know him! You don't know what the fuck he's dealing with, what a fucking monster I've been to him, you just don't fucking get it, okay? If you're going to blame anyone, blame ME. He's fucked up. He's so fucked up, but he.." Pause. More tears. "It's fucking DIFFERENT. He didn't KNOW." Dave slumped forward, sobbing, gripping the front of Karkat's shirt.

"If he didn't get it why didn't he stop," he croaked. He wasn't mad at Karkat. He wasn't anything. He couldn't feel anything aside the pain he was in. He slipped off the chair, onto the floor, clinging to him.

"No, no, what the fuck are you --"

"I don't kn-know what to fucking do." He didn't want to take anyone from anyone else. He didn't want anything. He wanted to just die and forget everything. Karkat, to Dave's surprise, wrapped his arms around him. "W-would he do it?" Would Gamzee kill him? He could go back, with his sword, fight him - it wouldn't be a fair fight, but if he attacked first, would that make his death just? Then anything that happened wouldn't be his fault. He would be so blissfully dead nothing would matter anymore. He moved his broken arm, holding around Karkat for whatever fucking reason - to ground himself, maybe - and cried. He trembled and sobbed, not knowing what to do so he clung to Karkat - someone he wanted to be his enemy - and buried his face in his shirt.

"He wouldn't fucking do it. I know he wouldn't." No, he could do it - he could piss him off enough, he knew it. Dave was just so easy to hate, wasn't he? With his cocky attitude, and his tremendous amounts of ironic bullshit - he could do it. But...

"I can't do this Karkat. I can't fucking do this. I shouldn't have said bad shit about you." So now he was back to that whole 'I deserve it' thing... "I wandered off. It was my fucking fault. I'm fucking sorry. I can't keep my fucking mouth shut. If I hadn't..." He had, and it was bad of him to do. He didn't want anyone to die or get killed because of him. Just let him die already and forget about it. "I l-let them down," he whimpered. Bro, John, everyone - Dave had let them down.

"Just.. Shit, man, just c-calm down, okay? We can do this." Dave continued to latch onto the troll. He hated this. He hated that Karkat was the one comforting him. Everyone on this stupid fucking rock had someone. Kanaya had Rose. Karkat had Gamzee. Terezi was off eating chalk somewhere. Aradia had Sollux. Who did Dave have? He used to think he had Terezi but even now he didn't want her. He fucking... he wanted John here. He never had a chance to tell the stupid kid how he felt and now it was too late. Dave had no one, and he never would. No one would want something like this. Some defeated, discarded, useless fucking kid that'd fucked up. Got fucked up, got fucked, and was worthless now. No one wanted an uncool kid. He'd fucked up so bad. Bro was probably rolling over in his grave. He'd sullied the Strider name.

"...wait, you said bad shit about me?" Karkat's voice got quiet. Oh, fuck. He hadn't even said shit that was that awful - it was just really inopportune.

"I s-said you were fucked up... b-but I didn't mean it like that, I-" He swallowed the lump in his throat. "W-we all are, I f-felt bad he didn't know how you were doing... H-he said I'd regret it... he said.... I'd regret it and I do, I'm so fucking sorry I was just scared and couldn't think-" He was talking too fast and he wasn't breathing properly, the combination making him really dizzy. He leaned on Karkat, sobbing still, his entire form wracked with tremors. "I just want to fucking die, dude. I fucking w-want my bro, I want John here - I don't f-fucking have anyone. Fucking kill me... just do it..." John would never want him after something like this. And if he died, if he just fucking died - he could be with his bro again. That's all Dave wanted. He just wanted someone to fucking give a shit about him that he could give a shit about back. "Please... I c-can't do this..." He couldn't breathe, and he was hyperventilating against Karkat, his hands gripping him again and the kid erratically crying and breathing difficultly against the troll. For fuck's sake... Dave was pathetic.

"N-no, just, shut up, okay? Shut up. This w-wasn't your fucking fault, okay? There was no way in all of fucking Alternia, no fucking way that you let anyone down. I don't give a shit what you say about me. I don't care, I don't fucking care, don't.. Just stop crying. Stop fucking crying." Karkat took a deep breath, still trying to fight his own tears. "John is such a fucking forgiving guy, and you don't have anything t-to apologize for. He doesn't even have to know, okay? He doesn't have to know - we'll see him in.. What, a sweep? A couple human.. Years, or whatever the fuck. I don't know. But we don't have to tell anyone. No one.. A-aside from Rose and Kanaya, you can keep your fucking dignity. You're not letting anyone down. And.." And..? "I'm not.. F-fucking killing you. Just.. Just calm down. You CAN fucking do it, you can do it - you know what any of us h-have fucking been through? It.. It sucks, and it hurts, and everything is shitty and nothing is okay but you'll b-be alright, just.. Fuck, I don't know what to do. I don't know what the fuck to do. I can't kill you, I can't fucking kill you. I'm not.. I'm not like that."

Even if John never knew... Dave would. Dave would know. It'd keep him from being that much more honest with Egbert, that much more loving and open. It'd be some horrible secret that he couldn't let go of, that he couldn't trust John with even if every bit and piece of him wanted to. Because it would make John hate him, and he'd never want to talk to him again, or spend time with him, because Dave had been marked.

"I n-never told him how I felt... Rose knows... but he doesn't. He doesn't kn-know that I love him. It makes my heart f-fucking hurt... knowing that he died... even if he god-tier'd it still isn't f-fair. John didn't deserve to die..." And Dave couldn't do anything to stop it. He just wished - they'd never played this stupid game. He hated it. He fucking hated it. He never wanted to do this. Okay, that was a lie, he did - but he wished he woulda had a little fucking foresight. "I know you can't unders-stand stupid human bullshit..." Trolls had quadrants. Dave learned that the hard way. They didn't know what love or any of that bullshit noise was. "But I l-love John more than anything and I... H-he can't see me like this..." Dave just wanted... someone. He wanted John but he wanted someone that... fuck. If he wasn't going to take the easy way out and just die... he really needed help.

"John.. Will accept you, okay?  I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't f-fuc--.." He stopped, took in a breath, and tried to steady himself. "H-Hold him back. Teach him better. It's my fault that he did this."

"N-no," he croaked, rubbing his face into the troll's shirt. It was no one's fault. Not Dave's, not Karkat's... and if Gamzee was acting on troll instincts it wasn't his, either. Dave could hate him. Dave could hate Gamzee with ever fiber of his being. And he would - he did. But blaming anyone was pointless. Yes, the kid was a mess. Yes, the kid would be scarred for a long time, if not for life. But right now... there would be no use. Maybe, sometime later, Dave would be content with the idea of revenge. He might even exact it one day. Maybe. Dave only had a small understanding of what the troll relationships were or meant. He vaguely recalled Terezi trying to explain it once, and he really hadn't cared much. It was all Greek to him, and it didn't really seem important. Maybe if he had a better understanding... if he had known what that had meant... he would have gotten out of there faster, ran away and wouldn't have... gotten... He hoped John would accept him. It's all Dave wanted. He never told anyone, but he'd only played the game to get to meet him face to face. And tell him... How he felt. He sounded so pathetic. But Dave needed this. Fingers gripped into Karkat's shirtm the boy taking deep shuddering breaths. He wanted to calm down but he couldn't... He wasn't mad at Karkat. He didn't hate him. He could try, but he just couldn't hate someone that he... felt bad for. He seemed much more comfortable clinging to the troll and crying himself out. He was getting exhausted...

Karkat ran his hand up and down Dave's back awkwardly. He was... actually managing to calm down. Not because he was any less unseated by what happened, but because he was pushing himself past the point of 'too much'. Another deep, shuddering breath came and his broken arm loosened its grip, pulling back to hug to his chest. The other arm was still around him, and his cheek was nuzzling into Karkat's shirt. The motion of the hand on his back was intensely comforting and he almost felt like maybe he could simmer down. At least enough to stop crying, maybe... Another deep breath, Dave opening his eyes. His tears were still very much falling but he wasn't wracked with sobs, instead trembling from the sheer exhaustion he was feeling.

"Y-you.... a good guy, K-Karkat..." His voice was weak, and he wasn't crying as much as he had been before. "Y-you wouldn't... have wished that upon anyone... e-even your worst enemy..." Karkat was a good guy. He was a good guy. This may have been partial negligence on his part but he was wholly good. As much as he didn't want to ever admit it. He was good. "Y-you're.. a good guy."

 "N-No, I'm not. Just.. Let me get you t-to the couch, okay? Just.. Fucking bear with me." But he was doing this for Dave, wasn't he? Didn't that make him a good guy? Even Rose had to leave when she saw him like this. She couldn't comfort him. B-but now Dave was... feeling a lot better. At least he was wiped out enough to not feel like killing himself. When Karkat got up he did his best to follow, his knees weak like the rest of him.

"Okay." They made their way to the couch and Dave slumped on it gratefully, whimpering a little and adjusting himself to a point where it was... the least uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, Karkat..." he mumbled quietly. "I kn-know you hate this." /I know you hate me./ But he appreciated it... He needed it. His arm held tighter and he hiccupped on another stupid sob, weary and drained and seconds away from passing the fuck out. He needed that, too. And when Karkat sat next to him Dave couldn't help but snake his arms around him again, nudging under the troll's arms to cuddle against him. He just needed to be close to someone. Karkat made a noise of discontent but accepted this, scooting to the far end of the couch and letting Dave lay with him. When Dave finally fell asleep, Karkat heard Kanaya enter the lab.