Oregairu Vol 13 Chapter 1

    Chapter 1:  Deeply, Hiratsuka Shizuka Reminisces the Past


Countless, countless times have I turned back my head.

Yet every step moves out without stopping.

Let my heartbeat accelerate , let my breathing fall out of place, and refused to wipe off
the accumulating sweat.

If I don't do this, every small detail might just become my excuse to stop. Yet this doesn't
stop me from looking back again and again, how disgusting.

That image of a single drop of tear right before we parted refuses to leave my head.

The remaining traces of rainwater on the road, looks identical to the trace on her cheeks.
The puddles of water my running feet tries to avoid, the unnatural disrupted footwork,
every step screams, urging me to turn back.

But what can going back do for me, what should I say to do anything about the situation.

No, there is a solution lying somewhere in my heart. Yet my legs refuses to decide on any
option, repeating its mechanical yet unnatural movement.

Even if a standard option exists, that isn't mine, that can't be our answer.

The sun slowly falls into the horizon, turning itself crimson red.

The shadows of houses elongate, to the point they seem so close to blending in with the
darkness  from  the  faraway  twilight.  Refusing  to  be  swallowed  by  this  darkness,  I
continued to run forward.

Every step felt solid, yet thoughts are floating with no direction.

Thinking  about  what  that  drop  of  tears  meant,  my  thoughts  fall  deep,  to  the  point  of
witnessing every reason possible, however no conclusion could be made out of them, and
all clues were found only to be left behind.

Just like everything that happened, just like how everything has been done.

The path leads straight towards the sea.

The chilling seabreeze slips into the gaps of my coat and muffler, stabs my burning face,
reminding it of stiffness.

The cold continues to linger, yet sweat continues to drop. Removing the scarf wrapped
up on my neck, only makes me feel that a part of my body is being binded.

Whatever  that  was  stuck  within  my  chest  gets  exhaled  out  as  I  struggle  to  regain  my
breath.

Despite my anxiousness, as if something is grabbing onto my hair, my footsteps start to
slow down.

Being lucky enough to run into a red light, I take a deep breath as my hands rest on my
ankles.

Running to escape something, being followed up at the moment I stopped.

The meaning behind that tear, the weight within those words, they are all questioning,
they are all criticizing.

Reassuring me that I was wrong.

In front of my glaring eyes, stands an old traffic light that refuses to be replaced with.

Its blackened blood that screams of illness suddenly disappeared.

Time to start running again.

Releasing a sigh that sounded so similar to a shriek, I straighten up my body and started
stepping.

Towards that deep, dark green light that signals us to move forward.


                                  1-2

As I reached school and entered the campus.

My thoughts started to calm down.

To the point where those sad yet gentle words are echoing clearer than before.

From  the  moment  I  picked  up  the  phone  call  till  now,  have  been  thinking,  have  been
running around in circles.

Words that have been said, words that could have been said.

What should've been shaped solid, seemed as ambiguous as it had always been. What I
have sealed up without a second thought, refusing to take a closer look at it.

If  that  is  the  case,  what  weight  does  my  words  even  hold?  Probably,  the  only  reason
Hiratsuka sensei purposely made me speak out, is because this is the last time I have a
chance to do so.

Sensing that the time of parting is approaching, I looked up at the twilight that filled up
the entire sky.

Reaching to the doorstep of the staff room, my hand that was about to knock on the door,
suddenly held back.

Teasing at the fear I'm feeling right now, I let out a sigh.

But I can't stand here forever.

Because she won't either.

Hiratsuka sensei will one day leave us.

I never knew that, thus I never tried to prove anything, to show her any results.

But the one thing I can do, is to not show her this embarrassing side of me, this is the one
thing I should do.

After another sigh, I knocked twice on the door before entering the staff room.

My eyes swayed naturally towards that one position I have always looked at.

On that place, sat Hiratsuka sensei.

She seems to be working on documentations.

That  familiar  figure  works  relentlessly  facing  her  desk,  her  long  hair  that  sways  from
time to time, the slight rotation on her shoulders seemed like her trying to relax them.

The  backview  of  her  working  seriously  felt  refreshing,  and  staring  at  it  doesn't  feel
boring,  I  didn't  feel  like  bothering  her  by  this  moment,  thus  I  didn't  called  out  to  her
immediately.

Actually, there are some lies, a lot of lies within this thought of mine.

I refuse to witness the end of this never ending daily life, which is why I didn't call out to
her.

Losing  someone  also  means  that  the  scenery,  the  moments  that  I've  always  took  for
granted will leave me too, something that took me so long to realize.

Hoping to take a closer look, I carefully moved towards her, trying not to make a single
sound, while trying to recall how I've always started our conversation,

But she spoke right before me:

"Sorry, give me a few more minutes."

As if she already knew of my presence without making sure, Hiratsuka sensei pointed at
the deeper parts of the staff room, the spot where we always had our conversations.

Her tone sounded like how its always been, so I replied briefly:

"Alright."

"Umu."

With her head still facing the desk, she put a halt to our small talk.

As I moved towards the discussion room, the lingering smell of cigarette smoke reminds
me that, the first time I came here for the keys of the clubroom, I also had a talk with
Hiratsuka sensei here. I recalled her weird expression she gave when she asked me to
stay for another while, perhaps she felt lonely during that time.

That time I didn't knew that she was going to be shifted away.

I've been living a life where I've never been close with any teachers.

So this is probably the first time, that I have to witness a teacher I truly appreciate is
about to leave right in front of me.

Sitting in the conversation room doesn't feel assuring, not being to see what Hiratsuka
sensei  is  doing.  The  curtains  that  divide  this  room  from  the  others  give  off  a  sense  of
dead silence, chipping my patient away bit by bit.

The brief noises made by the janitor and the ringing of phones reminds me the flow of
time. The skies outside are turning dark too.

After staring outside the window for some time, I heard a knocking sound on the wall, as
I looked around, Hiratsuka sensei is already standing in the room.

"Sorry for keeping you waiting."

"Ah, its fine....."

Her smile seemed so weak that its giving off a sense of loneliness, making me unable to
joke or grunt about all the waiting.

Her presence acted like a block of solid air that fills up the discussion area, the rumbling
noise from the staff room feels nonexistent all of a sudden, as if she created an isolated
space for us alone.

Only the sounds of leather could be heard as she sat on the sofa in front of me.

"So, where do we start from..."

Hiratsuka  didn't  continue  speaking,  instead  she  placed  a  can  of  that  familiar,  sugar
saturated coffee on the table, and pushed it gently towards me.

I don't feel thirsty, so I shook my head. She handed over the black coffee on her other
hand.

Guess I don't have a choice, so I chosen the coffee I'm familiar with.

Holding the coffee in my hands, I silently waited for Hiratsuka to say something.

But I'm instead replied with the regular tempo of knocking sounds.

Hiratsuka took out a cigarette, hitting its tip on the table, I recall that this was done to
sort out the tobacco in it, but now it seemed like she was trying to sort out something
else.

She then lit up the cigarette. The laminar flow of smoke starts to waver in turbulence as
it goes up, the surroundings are filled with the fragrance of tar.

I  don't  live  in  an  environment  with  a  lot  of  smokers.  So  I  guess  this  fragrance  will
eventually vanish. And someday when I smelled tar, I'll remember of her, until someday
where she completely fades from my memories.

To conceal this sudden thought that I have, I started to talk:

"For now, lets talk about the prom......."

I ran all the way back here to know more about this , yet I made myself sound like I have
something else to say.

Hiratsuka sensei seemed to realize this, but still nodded her head in agreement.

"Sure......"

She applied more force onto the still long cigarette until it was put off, made a short sigh
and continued:
"From what I'm seeing right now, the school is currently reviewing towards the direction
of cancelling the graduation prom."

"Reviewing, huh."

"Yes, they haven't come to a final decision, but its expected that the school won't change
its attitude towards the matter, which is why they'll most probably request its organizers
to perform self restraint."

As  Hiratsuka's  narrates  this  inevitable  truth  with  her  calm  and  composed  tone,  I
intercepted:

"I'm assuming that 'self restraint' was simply a statement, but what it really meant is to
cancel the event?"

"Both the school and also the board are taking on a subtle position. It was the school that
approved  the  prom  in  the  first  place,  so  they  can't  just  call  it  off.  Which  is  why  they
compromised by giving the order of self restraint."

"But didn't we..."

Hiratsuka  sensei  is  giving  off  a  bitter  expression.  Which  reminds  me  that  she  most
probably already discussed with Yukinoshita and the others over this matter. Revolving
around the same issue won't get us anywhere, so I decided to ask something different.

"But your opinion is different from what the school thinks, isn't it?"

"Yes, I believe that we can achieve a common ground through further discussions with
the related parties, but..."

Hiratsuka  didn't  continue,  but  I'm  able  to  guess  what's  the  determining  factor  to  the
current situation.

The  promotional  video  of  the  graduation  prom  that  sparked  uncertainties  within  the
hearts of the parents, Yukinoshita's mother, who represented the parental board a few
days ago, and their concerns that stemmed from the various issues of graduation proms
in foreign countries.

These factors combined, are enough for the school to decide on cancelling the prom.

"...Well, from the fact that came all the way here just to express their opinions, its not
really surprising that things are how it is right now."

"Indeed. The situation has grew beyond my level of responsibility and authority, and my
opinions can only be treated as the school's reference. Sigh, the sadness of being a lowly
civil servant."

Just  as  what  she  said.  Not  just  the  teachers,  even  graduating  students  like  me  and
everyone else in the lower hierarchy of the system. None of our opinions will be taken
seriously by the school authorities.

Forcefully achieve an equilibrium between each parties involved, have the weaker side
put  down  their  weapons,  and  expecting  things  to  conclude  without  creating  a  huge
storm.

'Self restrain' is indeed an appropriate term to use.

"Having a job is the worst, after all."

"Not if you're working at the top, you have the freedom to do anything you want."

We joked over the matter with a dead smile. But these jokes aren't wrong either. In the
end of the day, we're just puppets being played by the will of those with authority.

On this matter, Yukinoshita's mother is one holds the authority, a shadow ruler who has
the school within her clutches.

For  such  a  figure  to  purposely  come  over,  and  requesting  for  a  discussion  with  the
school's administration.

How  trivial  the  topic  is  doesn't  matter,  just  by  seeing  Mrs  Yukinoshita  to  show  such
concern, is enough to make everyone to treat the matter in a superficial way.

Her true intentions is irrelevant, as what the others observed is merely the nature of the
act.

Even if Mrs Yukinoshita only came here 'to discuss','to inquire', for a person with such a
status to be here, is enough for others to feel pressured, enough to create an atmosphere
for people to have wonders.

For example when two important figures having pleasant tea break together, outsiders
will feel suspicious towards the context of their chat within the private room, ending up
with  the  formation  of  such  an  atmosphere,  where  people  will  try  to  please  the  said
important figures as much as possible.

This occurs in our daily lives to, the cliched "please try to read the atmosphere oh god"
dialogue is one of its products, where they speculate over unclear, ambiguous info, and
treating such an act as a virtue.

Its  an  unenlightened  method  of  adjusting  things,  yet  it  tends  to  create  peace.  Within
schools, neighborhoods, workplaces, and even within social groups to an extent, being
able to adhere to these unspoken rules is a necessary communication skill.

But then again isn't reading the atmosphere too much of a forceful demand? Expecting
the man to always be the one to take the initiative to ask for one's contact method or to
invite someone out, and this magical rule where the third date will be sufficient to create
an atmosphere suitable for confessing. What is this down triangle spam [1] lookalike ? It
just counters Zangief so much, its kinda unfair? Even if its not used against Zangief its
still goddamn strong!

The  same  communication  skill  applies  even  on  most  friend  circles,  when  one  of  them
started saying stuff like: "Isn't that person acting a little strange lately?" "He wasn't such
a  dick  before."  ,  then  everyone  suddenly  thinks  so  hard  like  they're  Habu  Yoshiharu
playing mind games in his shogi match [2]. And boom, the center of discussion suddenly
got isolated without even realizing it.

In  such  an  unfair  shogi  battle  matchup,  if  you  can't  figure  a  way  to  get  a  14  hand  to
escape, even Hokkaido chicken fritters [3] will end up becoming roasted chicken [4].

Since  every  group  have  a  set  of  their  own  rules,  one  has  to  carefully  observe  these
signals, go along the flow, and get used to these rules. Or you'll end up like me, one who
failed to adjust to these rules, kindergarden primary school secondary school high school
cram  school  workplace,  getting  isolated  in  all  these  places.  Ah,  I'm  truly  the  Eternal
Seven Loner [5] , oh hey I'll most probably get an eight consecutive champion in college
too, yay!

Life is truly a big game of shogi.

(Ref  5:  "Eternal  Seven  Loner"  in  Japanese  is  a  pun  that  sounds  similar  to  Habu
Yoshiharu)

Thanks to being constantly judged over my ability to read the atmosphere, even if I can't
read it, I'm still aware of its importance.

Which is why I can't say much about the school's judgement. One can label such an act
with  'bureaucratic  collusion',  but  if  I'm  put  in  the  same  position  as  the  school's
authorities, I'll probably make the exact same decision.  It's just too much of a pain to
fight against the atmosphere.

"So that's how it is huh......"

I  said  this  with  a  convinced  yet  dejected  voice,  as  I  unconsciously  looked  towards  the
ceiling above. Is it because I'm showing a defeated face? Hiratsuka sensei pushed the can
of coffee that I had yet to take a single sip closer to me, I nodded gently to express my
gratitude.
I started reorganizing my thoughts while pulling the can opener.

For now, it seems impossible to overturn the school's decision.

A problem wouldn't exist as long as we don't view it as one. But when the existence of a
problem is established, its also a wiser choice to not try smashing a rock using an egg if
we're trying to solve the problem efficiently.

Its clear that, the prom is currently facing a life or death situation.

For the time being, only the student council, a small group of parents, and the school is
aware of the self restrain order. If the news starts to spread among the students and the
rest of the parents, the opposition will gain more momentum as more individuals join in
the mob.

Staying out of this will only make the situation harder, but there are no effective methods
to solve it either.

"Isn't this already a checkmate..."

I followed up this statement with a weak laugh.

At  this  moment,  my  eyes  fell  in  line  with  Hiratsuka  sensei's.  Her  eyes  are  giving  off  a
slightly warm sensation, as if she has been silently waiting for my reaction, benching her
elbows onto her knees, uncrossing her fingers: "As expected, you still want to make the
prom a reality." she said in a speed slower than usual.

Remembering of her question during the phone call, suddenly I'm at a loss of words.

Hiratsuka  sensei's  tone  sounded  really  soft,  with  no  intention  to  reprimand  me  at  all.
However I still can't bring up a proper answer, as I still had second thoughts on whether
it is right to be further involved with the graduation prom. That reckless remark I made
during the phone call made me felt a little ashamed too. But what has been said has been
said, and it pointless to try and deny that.

Thus, I nodded my head once as if its simply responding to gravity, it probably looked
more like I'm feeling down.

"I don't know if this is correct......"

Words without a proper direction wriggled out of my indecisive mouth. That one term
that flashed through my mind made it sounded even weaker.

'Codependency'.

Yukinoshita  Haruno's  definition  towards  our  relationship,  felt  completely  true,  and  I
can't find any solid proof to defend against that statement.

My voice slowly fades out, and my eyesight slowly moves down.

As I blankly stared at the aged cracks on the floor, Hiratsuka switched up the position of
her crossing legs.

"Well yes, Yukinoshita doesn't want you to interfere after all."

As I looked up at Hiratsuka sensei, her eyes are filled with complete seriousness.

I recalled that moment where Yukinoshita told me not to get further involved. Hiratsuka
sensei was there too when she is doing that monologue. Which is why Hiratsuka is telling
me this. Now that I think of it, Yukinoshita also didn't want me to know that the prom
was going to be cancelled. I have an idea of what she's thinking, but perhaps Hiratsuka
sensei knows more on the reason that Yukinoshita is hiding it from me.

Being  unsure  of  whether  I'm  able  to  be  involved  without  getting  noticed,  I  reacted
towards the question with a light smile.

The tight sensation on my rarely used facial muscles tells me that, I'm probably making a
really bitter smile.

To be honest, there's no doubt that things will only get more and more troublesome, just
imagining all the directionless talk I'll have with her is making me feel depressed, and
what ever conclusion that awaits us won't be anything good either. Even so, what has
been decided has been decided, that I can't leave this situation alone. Thus I continued to
smile.

Looking at this fake smile I'm holding up, Hiratsuka's eyes slowly became gentle, a slight
curve showed up on her lips.

"......Its your move, then."

"Well yeah, its not my first day not being expected of anything."

Like I've always had, making unnecessary actions, the bad habit that I can't seem to get
rid of immediately.

Hearing that, Hiratsuka sensei blinked a few times as if she's in shock, and then started to
laugh uncontrollably while covering her mouth.

She's  laughing  a  little  too  delightfully,  that  I  had  to  raise  my  eyebrows  as  a  protest,
Hiratsuka then made a soft cough to hold in her smile.

"Ahaha, sorry...I just felt very happy, you know."
She expression then turned slightly worried.

"But Yukinoshita is trying really hard to change something. I'm personally rooting for her
so...I can't say that helping her without proper thought is a good idea. As it might turn up
to  be  an  obstruction  to  her  growth.  Especially  when  there's  too  much  to  think  of  like
where we're at now."

Her eyesight slowly turns towards me, her expression where she's struggling to tell me
something speaks for her concern towards Yukinoshita.

Hachiman:  "You  know,  whatever  codependency  is......doesn't  it  sound  like  an
overstatement? More accurately, it feels like a misunderstanding more than anything."

"Well,  yes...while  I  don't  believe  that  its  codependency,    but  what's  more  important  is
what viewpoint you decide to take. If your feelings are biased towards it, then no words
will clear that up for you."

"......Yes."

I  have  experienced  such  stubbornness,  more  accurately,  I  once  clinged  on  to  such
stubbornness.

No matter how I console myself, its still not easy to give up this life that is as entangled
and blurred like a cotton candy, thousands of carefully fabricated words aren't enough to
cover up this monster of self conscious within me. Which is why now, that monster of
self consciousness still lurks within me, staring from behind.

This made me realize that, one can't simply brush off how they view themselves. I believe
that its that same for Yukinoshita. Codependency, no matter if it is the truth or not, at
least Yukinoshita has bounded herself to believe in such an idea. No matter how hard we
try to deny it, she probably won't believe in us.

"Haruno  isn't  completely  wrong  either.  For  Yukinoshita,  this  is  an  important  trial  that
she has to overcome."

"A trial huh..."

I repeated this term that I rarely hear of, which Hiratsuka nodded in confirmation.

"Well, you can say that this is a ceremony too."

She then lit up another cigarette. Took a deeper breath from it, and exhaled out a slow
thread of smoke.

"Do you find it ridiculous?"
"No, not really......" I replied while shaking my head: "this situation does seems to happen
sometimes."

"Well yes, things like this happens all the time. From getting the results for your music or
manga  entry,  to  competing  in  a  sports  event,  participating  the  auditions  of  a  singing
contest, taking an exam or starting your career, even getting......that before your thirties
is no different. There will always be that one period where you'll have to face yourself
honestly."

Her view that lands somewhere far outside the window, and her bittersweet tone made
it sound like that she is reminiscing her own past.

"Has this ever occurred to...you before?"

"Yes, of course."

She answered me with a gentle smile, Hiratsuka sensei took another sip of the cigarette.
As she released a short puff of smoke, her iris dilated as if some of the smoke has diffused
deep into her lungs.

"There were a lot of things that I wanted to do in the past. There are also a lot of things
that I can't do, and things I didn't wanted to do. A series of making choices, attempting,
failing, giving up, and making a new choice, a cycle of events that never stops...even till
now."

Her words swayed lonely in the air along the swaying smoke.

I have no idea what kind of past has she experienced to speak of such things, but they're
a proof that the Hiratsuka sensei, this refined woman sitting in front of me, is a product
of the numerous attempts and challenges she has faced.

We have always sought for definitive proof that we can survive by ourselves, by gaining
confidence, by building results. There won't be anyone who is willing to guarantee that
for us, even if there's a guarantee, it will only be meaningless if we refuse to believe in
these guarantees. Which is why we have such desires to prove ourselves.

'Is it really correct to interfere with Yukinoshita's decision and resolve.' I recalled this
question that Yukinoshita Haruno asked me not long ago.

To choose, to challenge, to win or lose, these are something that she alone has to face.
Will she allow anyone else to be involved in it? What identity and relationship I must
have with her to be able to intervene? I have yet to find any answers.

Hiratsuka tapped on the cigarette a few times to clean off the tobacco ash, and stared at
me behind a veil of white smoke.
"Let me ask you this one more time, how do you plan to talk to her, really?"

She asked about a major issue that I'm hesitating with.

She is certainly looking for my confirmation for one last time.

I started to think carefully about what to say next, as I can't continue to make any more
lies at this moment.

"......I don't think that there is an option to not communicate with her."

My answer during the phone call has not changed.

And I won't repeat it for a second time, my thoughts and determination are not frivolous.

There's  no  need  for  consideration  either,  I  have  already  made  a  choice,  and  the
conclusion has always been there.

Yukinoshita's will has nothing to do with how I should act.

As it has always been, I do not know any other methods available, the option I can take
has only been that one single option. Attempting any other approach has never gone well
for me. The more I try to avoid making mistakes the further I stray away from the right
path.

Which is why, I'll use the only method that I have.

In reply to Hiratsuka's serious, intimidating glance, I looked back at her with my dead,
rotten eyes, refusing to avert my line of view.

Hiratsuka sensei then made a satisfied smile.

"I see."

She  gently  smiled  with  her  eyes  closed.  The  way  she  nodded  in  approval  made  me
unsure of how to react.

As  I  felt  the  pressure  slowly  turning  into  a  gentle  sensation,  I  ended  up  loosening  my
mind to the point of saying unnnecessary things:

"Wait, 'I see'? That's it? "

"Yes, that shall suffice. I have faith in you Hikigaya."

Said Hiratsuka sensei without any hesitation.
"Uhm, thanks."

To hear her say this in such a direct way that felt like she's stating a simple fact, I can't
even find myself to feel shy about it. I thanked her in a low voice as I nodded down in
order to hide my heating cheeks.

But it seems that I didn't hide it properly, as I heard her giggling.

"Listen up Hikigaya, just helping out the prom won't be enough to help her. You'll have to
take proper measures in what methods you use. You already knew this, didn't you."

I nodded.

She definitely won't accept my offer to help if I don't think of the appropriate words to
use.

Just making the prom happen won't be enough either. To present Yukinoshita's ability as
an individual, to help her become independent is something that needs to be worked on
too.

Like the old saying of how teaching someone to fish is better than giving them fish. Its
better for Yukinoshita to save herself, but I have yet to find a way to achieve all of these
objectives.

It took me a while to realize that I've been scratching my head the whole time.

"Its definitely harder than it seemed to be......"

"Yes, its hard alright......especially for your kind of situation."

Hiratsuka  took  another  mouthful  of  cigarette  smoke,  and  blew  out  streams  of  smoke
from both edges of her mouth.

"I know right, our relationship only started because one of us needed help from others.
And now our wills seem to be clashing with their polar opposites."

I then crossed my fingers to form an X shape.

Hiratsuka  shrugged  speechlessly  and  asked:  "Really  now.  How  do  you  think  you  guys
managed to pull it through before this?"

"How did we made it through, huh....."

I actually had no idea, all I can remember is me doing things that hardly mattered in the
end.
Looking at my confused expression, Hiratsuka sensei clutched her fists, walked towards
me and started doing air punches. P...please don't do that, she's gonna punch me really
hard and then treat me very nicely, make me fall for her from the treatment contrast, the
perfect script to create a masochist, oh god......

She made a victorious smile upon seeing my frightened face.

"When the ideals of two heroes of justice start to clash, neither of them will surrender
without a fight."

Her dialogue made me feel nostalgic, even if I have forgotten when was the first time I
heard of it.

"Oh......this brings back memories."

"I know right?"

Hiratsuka sensei replied in a joking tone.

But her smile only lasted for an instant.

The sides of her mouth are still curving up, but her lonesome eyes started looking into
the realm of nothingness.

"This really...brings back a lot of memories..."

This dialogue that seemed to come out without her realizing it, is not meant for me, but
her speaking to herself.

While I let Hiratsuka to have her own moment, I turned my neck left and right to relax
my  head  a  bit.  Even  if  we  both  felt  nostalgic,  her  current  feelings  are  contextually
different from mine, so I kept quiet.

The silence however didn't last long, as Hiratsuka sensei continued speaking:

"Its  not  the  first  day  you  two  have  different  opinions  isn't  it?  But  you  all  managed  to
overcome  such  situations,  to  have  faith  in  what  you  have  gained  from  those  past
experiences, is my suggestion to you."

"Yeah...I'll try." I replied her with a gentle smile.

She does not wish to be assisted, but I can't avoid communicating with her either. Which
is why a new way of communication has to be sought. Reviewing my past experiences
gave me a vague yet solid answer.

Seeing me nodding in enlightenment,  Hiratsuka smiled in satisfaction:
"Now that you came up with a clearer guideline, I think its time to go meet up with her,
Yukinoshita should still be  in the student council room right now, go."

"Yes, I'll be leaving th...wait, one last thing I wanted to ask you."

As I was about to stand up, I remembered of something that I was curious of since the
beginning of the conversation.

"Hmm?"

Hiratsuka sensei tilted her head, and made a childish smile that hardly fits her current
age. My expression I'm having right now seemed more sinister in comparison:

"So in the end of the day, the prom's organizers only need to perform self restraint , isn't
it?"

"...I was asked with the same question not long ago."

The way Hiratsuka said it tells me that, Yukinoshita and the others have no intent to give
up  on  the  graduation  prom.  In  fact  ,  they  already  came  up  with  this  conclusion  right
before me.

Hiratsuka sensei closed her eyes, and then let up a deep sigh as if she gave up struggling.
Took  another  mouthful  of  smoke,  and  then  released  them  as  she  looked  towards  a
distant place within the scenery outside.

I  know  that  her  actions  indicate  that  she  has  acquiesced  with  our  ideas.  While  I  felt
grateful to Hiratsuka sensei, it also left me worried about the consequences.

"But if we continued doing this, wouldn't it put you in a very risky situation?"

If unwanted events occurred during the process, she'll have to take full responsibility for
our mess. I'm not sure what kind of punishment the school authorities will impose onto
her,  but  she'll  definitely  end  up  being  judged  by  both  concerned  and  unconcerned
parties. Lynches that goes with the name of social justice are pretty common after all.

But Hiratsuka sensei simply shrugged, and said with a playful tone:

"By  the  time  anything  happens  I  won't  be  around  anyways,  I  don't  care  about  what
happens after I'm gone."

"Ahaha, said it like a typical modern youngster."

"Of course, I am a modern youngster after all."

In protest to my comment. She tapped on the table for a times as she adjusted her tone to
sound like a youngster. Her joke made me start to laugh out of control.

"Even if things did came down to the worst, I'm only gonna lose my job. Its no big deal,
just do whatever you want."

Hiratsuka continued to joke around, tapping her throat with a handknife.

"Eh......nah I can't just do that...."

Don't  just  bet  your  career  over  it.  This  pressures  me  so  hard,  that  my  lifespan  is
shortening like mad girl.

"Don't mind me, its just a joke. My wits are stronger than you thing, if I really lost my job,
I'm just gonna get married, if I find one who's willing to, that is."

Her fingers slides across her hair, as she starts to laughs ironically.

I can't get myself to laugh over this matter, yet I ended up laughing softly and said:

"You'll be fine."

"What, you plan to marry me someday?"

Hiratsuka reacted almost instantaneously with a shocked face. Wait what no? She's too
precious for me to own! So someone please, before I change my mind, please marry her
now!

As I was thinking on how to reply her, she stared at me with her big round eyes like an
abandoned labrador. Ah, large canines are just so cute......but wait, I already have a cat in
my house. So I shook my head in embarassment.

"Actually I don't have plans to deal with the situation with chaotic methods......I think."

I said it without sounding too confident.

We're  in  a  really  unfavorable  situation.  Trying  to  achieve  a  mutual  agreement  with
Yukinoshita is going to be a challenge too.

But even if I'm aware that we haven't obtained the win condition, I still have to sound
optimistic, or else Doraemon can't go back to the future in peace...

I tried to smile as much as possible to cover up my facade. And so, Hiratsuka stared at me
silently.

"......So reliable."
Like a person watching a car leaving into the distance, she closed her eyes slowly, and
said it in a gentle voice.

Hearing that made me blush for a moment, without realizing it, I tured my head away
while touching my hair.

I made big words that hardly suits someone of my identity.

Being aware that I should also make sure that my methods won't cause Hiratsuka sensei
to be affected to its consequences, the difficulty of the situation seemed to has increase a
little more than the hard mode it already is.

Even so, this made me sense a glimpse of light within the situation.

If the process is handled properly, there won't be any situation where Hiratsuka sensei
will have to take responsibility for us. Well yeah, probably, it better be.

Sigh,  but  then  again  I  should  really  prepare  myself  to  explain  to  my  parents,  on  why
would I marry a woman who's about ten years older than me.

Anyway, now that my course of action has been decided. Since there's nothing more for
us to speak of. The both of us remained silent.

Within the few seconds of silence, I swallowed down the rest of the sweet coffee, and
stood up getting ready to leave. Picked up my school bag and coat that was put aside,
leaving everything else in the room.

"I'm going."

"Umu."

I made a short goodbye, which she replied with a nod.

Our chat has now come to an end, on the timing that I think is most appropriate.

But just as I was about to walk out of the room, I heard her voice coming from behind:

"Hikigaya."

I did not look back, but I don't plan on ignoring her call either, so I halted.

"I'm sorry......that I can't bring myself to say it."

I'm  unable  to  see  Hiratsuka  sensei's  expression  at  this  moment,  yet  its  not  hard  to
imagine the way she's looking onto the floor sadly, because its the same expression I'm
having right now.
As I tried to say something, the bitterness of the coffee that should've been completely
swallowed rose back up, and my throat is blocked by the strong scent of condensed milk.

I reacted by forcing the coffee back into my stomach, along with the words that I wanted
to say.

"Cough....no, you don't have to apologize."

Turned  my  head  over  my  shoulders,  and  with  the  properly  prepared  smiling  face,  I
continued saying:

"There's nothing that we can do about, that's just how jobs work. I understand that your
position doesn't allow you to talk about it. And its not like your transfer has been decided
yet right?"

I tried to say it in the most fluent and natural way possible. But Hikagaya Hachiman was
never a bright cheerful person to begin with, which made it sound blank and insincere
instead.

Hiratsuka sensei acted as if she isn't bothered by it, and continued to say while looking
down.

"Well yeah, the official dismissal letter haven't been given yet."

To  not  speak  about  things  that  haven't  been  officially  announced.  This  is  a  rule  that
comes along with the job position.

But  deep  down,  we're  both  aware  that  this  is  merely  an  excuse.  Yet  this  is  an  actual
existing rule that must not be broken.

Which is why we decided to accept and compromise. No malicious or virtuous will exists
behind her decision, she is simply complying with the rules. Because we're aware of such
a rule, there is nothing that we can do about it, except for accepting it with a smile.

"But its gonna be really embarrassing if I don't have to leave in the end. Ahahaha...."

Said Hiratsuka sensei as she followed with a laugh while stroking her hair.

"Isn't that so? Hahaha..."

I laughed too, and I started to feel a little more relaxed.

But that couldn't make the emptiness to leave me.

I am well aware of it.
Making jokes won't change anything, in fact the act of joking itself will  eventually turn
stale, and verbal conversation can only serve to disguise ourselves.

But all things will come to an end eventually.

Our conversation has came to an end too.

"I'm going, then."

"Yes, do your best."

I took a slight bow, as I walked out of the room, the flickering sounds of a flame being lit
up could be heard from behind.

Along with a short sigh.

Hiratsuka sensei will be working in the staff room for another while, I guess.

I then closed the door to the staff room.