Thief of Time - Crimes

There was a sound rather like a cabbage being sliced in half, and then a head rolled into the basket to cheers and cries of 'Oh, I say, well done!' from the crowd. The city of Quirm was a nice, peaceful, law-abiding place and the city council kept it that way with a penal policy that combined the maximum of
deterrence with the minimum of re-offending.

GRIPPER 'THE BUTCHER' SMARTZ?

The late Gripper rubbed his neck.

'I demand a retrial!' he said.

THIS MAY NOT BE A GOOD TIME, said Death.
'It couldn't possibly have been murder because the...' The soul of Gripper Smartz fumbled in its spectral pockets for a ghostly piece of paper, unfolded it and continued, in a voice of those to whom the written word is an uphill struggle, '... because the bal-ance of my mind was d ... dess-turbed.'

REALLY, said Death. He found it best to let the recently departed get things off their chest.

'Yes, 'cos I really, really wanted to kill him, right? And you can't tell me that's a normal frame of mind, right? He was a dwarf, anyway, so I don't think that should count as manslaughter.'

I UNDERSTAND THAT WAS THE SEVENTH DWARF YOU KILLED, said Death.

'I'm very prone to being dess-turbed,' said Gripper. 'Really, it's me who's the victim here. All I needed was a bit of understanding, someone to see my point of view for five minutes...'

WHAT WAS YOUR POINT OF VIEW?

'All dwarfs need a damn good kicking, in my opinion. 'Ere, you're Death, right?'

YES INDEED

***

The Thief of Time - p185-186