Hogfather - Time Stop

Teatime looked down at the poker in his chest as he folded up.

“Oh, no,” he said. “It couldn’t have gone through you. There are so many ribs and things!”

There was another pop as Twyla extracted her thumb and said, “It only kills monsters.”

“Stop time now,” commanded Susan.

Death snapped his fingers. The room took on the grayish purple of stationary time. The clock paused its ticking.

“You winked at me! I thought you had a plan!”

INDEED. OH, YES. I PLANNED TO SEE WHAT YOU WOULD DO.

“Just that?”

YOU ARE VERY RESOURCEFUL. AND OF COURSE YOU HAVE HAD AN EDUCATION.

“What?”

I DID ADD THE SPARKLY STARS AND THE NOISE, THOUGH. I THOUGHT THEY WOULD BE APPROPRIATE.

“And if I hadn’t done anything?”

I DARESAY I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF SOMETHING. AT THE LAST MINUTE.

“That was the last minute!”

THERE IS ALWAYS TIME FOR ANOTHER LAST MINUTE.

“The children had to watch that!”

EDUCATIONAL. THE WORLD WILL TEACH THEM ABOUT MONSTERS SOON ENOUGH. LET THEM REMEMBER THERE’S ALWAYS THE POKER.

“But they saw he’s human—”

I THINK THEY HAD A VERY GOOD IDEA OF WHAT HE WAS.

Death prodded the fallen Teatime with his foot.

STOP PLAYING DEAD, MISTER TEH-AH-TIM-EH.

The ghost of the Assassin sprang up like a jack-in-the-box, all slightly crazed smiles.

“You got it right!”

OF COURSE.

Teatime began to fade.

I’LL TAKE THE BODY, said Death. THAT WILL PREVENT INCONVENIENT QUESTIONS.

***

Hogfather - p351-352