bonehead reply form

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                     STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM
                         (c) copyright 1999 by
                             someone else.

(check all boxes that apply)

Dear:

[ ] Clueless Newbie   [ ] Lamer         [ ] Flamer
[ ] Loser             [ ] Spammer       [ ] Troller
[ ] "Me too" er       [ ] Pervert       [ ] Geek
[ ] Freak             [ ] Nerd          [ ] Elvis
[ ] Racist            [ ] Fed           [ ] Freak
[ ] Fundamentalist    [ ] Satanist      [ ] Homeopath
[ ] Unbearably self-righteous person

I took exception to your recent:

[ ] Email   [ ] Post to ____________________.
                              (newsgroup)

It was (check all that apply):

[ ] Lame           [ ] Stupid         [ ] Abusive
[ ] Clueless       [ ] Idiotic        [ ] Brain-damaged
[ ] Imbecilic      [ ] Arrogant       [ ] Malevolent
[ ] Contemptible   [ ] Libelous       [ ] Ignorant
[ ] Clueless       [ ] Stupid         [ ] Fundamentalist
[ ] Boring         [ ] Dim            [ ] Cowardly
[ ] Deceitful      [ ] Demented       [ ] Self-righteous
[ ] Crazy          [ ] Weird          [ ] Hypocritical
[ ] Loathsome      [ ] Satanic        [ ] Despicable
[ ] Belligerent    [ ] Mind-numbing   [ ] Maladroit
[ ] Much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable.

Your attention is drawn to the fact that:

[ ] You posted what should have been emailed
[ ] You obviously don't know how to read your newsgroups line
[ ] You are trying to make money on a non-commercial newsgroup
[ ] You self-righteously impose your religious beliefs on others
[ ] You self-righteously impose your racial beliefs on others
[ ] You posted a binary in a non-binaries group
[ ] You don't know which group to post in
[ ] You posted something totally uninteresting
[ ] You crossposted to *way* too many newsgroups
[ ] I don't like your tone of voice
[ ] What you posted has been done before.
[ ] Not only that, it was also done better the last time.
[ ] You quoted an *entire* post in your reply
[ ] You started a long, stupid thread
[ ] You continued spreading a long stupid thread
[ ] Your post is absurdly off topic for where you posted it
[ ] You posted a followup to crossposted robot-generated spam
[ ] You posted a "test" in a discussion group rather than in alt.test
[ ] You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message
[ ] You posted low-IQ flamebait
[ ] You posted a blatantly obvious troll
[ ] You followed up to a blatantly obvious troll
[ ] You said "me too" to something
[ ] You make no sense
[ ] Your sig/alias is dreadful
[ ] You must have spent your life in a skinner box to be this clueless.
[ ] You posted a phone-sex ad
[ ] You posted a stupid pyramid money making scheme
[ ] You claimed a pyramid-scheme/chain letter for money was legal
[ ] Your margin settings (or lack of) make your post unreadable.  Each line
    just goes on and on, not stopping at 75 characters, making it hard to read.
[ ] You posted in ELitE CaPitALs to look k0OwL
[ ] You posted a message in ALL CAPS, and you don't even own a TRS-80
[ ] Your post was FULL of RANDOM CAPS for NO APPARENT REASON
[ ] You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of this newsgroup.
[ ] You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the Internet.
[ ] You are a loser.
[ ] This has been pointed out to you before.
[ ] You didn't do anything specific, but appear to be so generally
    worthless that you are being flamed on general principles.

It is recommended that you:

[ ] Get a clue
[ ] Get a life
[ ] Go away
[ ] Grow up
[ ] Never post again
[ ] Read every newsgroup you posted to for a week
[ ] stop reading Usenet news and get a life
[ ] stop sending Email and get a life
[ ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it
[ ] Have your medication adjusted
[ ] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor
[ ] find a volcano and throw yourself in
[ ] get a gun and shoot yourself
[ ] Actually post something relevant
[ ] Read the FAQ
[ ] stick to FidoNet and come back when you've grown up
[ ] Apologize to everybody in this newsgroup
[ ] consume excrement
[ ] consume excrement and thus expire
[ ] Post your tests to alt.test/misc.test
[ ] Put your home phone number in your ads from now on
[ ] Refrain from posting until you have a vague idea what you're doing

In Closing, I'd Like to Say:

[ ] You need to seek psychiatric help
[ ] Take your gibberish somewhere else
[ ] *plonk*
[ ] Learn how to post or get off the usenet
[ ] Most of the above
[ ] All of the above
[ ] Some of the above, not including All of the above
[X] You are so clueless that I didn't even bother filling in this form.