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- Chapter 6: Without anybody knowing,
- Hayama Hayato is regretting.
- It’s always a serious matter of being dead or alive when it comes to battling with the
- deadline.
- Therefore, not only are people willing to do anything to survive in the end, but also
- willing to sacrifice their sleeping time, to stay overnight for two or three days in order to
- somehow finish their tasks in hand, even if that means losing almost all their hair or
- almost having a complete mental or physical breakdown.
- As a result, people end up with all kinds of sufferings. Well, to be more specific, head,
- shoulders, back, stomach, heart, body, and… everything that a human being possesses.
- Hmm, since the cells on my body are working anyways, does that mean instead, I no
- longer have to work?
- I managed to finish the skeleton of the proposal and the design sketch by the end of
- morning. Holding all the tiredness from my body, I walked to school before the start of
- the first class. I almost slept through all the classes before noon.
- Even when school started, I laid on the table lazily without thinking or paying attention
- to anything.
- Occupied by tiredness, I just wanted to yield to sleepiness and bury my head in my arms,
- so that later after school I could wake up and face things with a more serious face again.
- I spent the last homeroom time resting my chin in my hand drowsily, like rowing a boat.
- Just like this I had my heart and body falling in deep hibernation until the bell for the end
- of last class sounded.
- I put my bag, coat and scarf on the table, and then stretched my hardened shoulder and
- back as much as I wanted. I stood up steadily.
- After rubbing my sleep-deprived eyes, I turned back to check out the back of the
- classroom as usual. Just as I was doing so, Yuigahama, who was talking to Miura-san,
- noticed me and halted her conversation temporarily. She walked towards me with her
- quick steps.
- “Leaving already?”
- “Ah yeah”
- As I responded with a husky voice, Yuigahama reacted with small whining “Whoa.”
- “Hikki-, your face is awful.”
- “Seriously…?”
- Yuigahama took out her hand mirror from her uniform pocket and raised it in front of
- my face. ‘Ugh, so shiny. I feel like I’m about to disappear’ I said to myself. I looked like a
- zombie - my rotten-fish eyes were rotting even faster due to lack of sleep. I could even
- see the marks left by my hands where I rested my chin.
- “Let me wash my face quickly”
- “Yeah, sure. I’ll wait in the corridor”
- Leaving the classroom, with my body shaking like Zombieland-Chiba[30], I headed over to
- the washroom.
- After splashing some cold water onto my face, I felt a lot more refreshed. In addition to
- that, “pan-pan” - I clapped my face and said “Ganbare, me!” I sounded like a second-year
- salarywoman to cheer myself up.
- As I headed back to the classroom corridor, as promised, Yuigahama was waiting for me
- in front of the classroom door.
- “Sorry for making you wait”
- Yuigahama shook her head to simply suggest that she didn’t wait too much. She handed
- over my bag, coat and all my other stuff together she was holding over her shoulder,
- saying, “Here you go.”
- “Thank you!”
- While I took my stuff and expressed my gratefulness, Yuigahama had her usual smile
- showing on her face again, shaking her head as if to refuse my thankfulness.
- On our way to the game club, though we exchanged a few words, due to sleepiness I still
- felt like I wasn’t quite myself. So I tried to stifle my yawns.
- Noticing this after looking at me, Yuigahama started to feel a little despondent.
- “Ah, by the way, sorry for what happened yesterday that led to your lack of sleep today.”
- “It’s okay… Conversely, it really helped that you came up with some great ideas.”
- Yuigahama apologized to me for accidentally falling asleep at the Internet Cafe. Perhaps
- she was trying to compensate for that - on our way sending her back home, she offered
- me a couple more perspectives, suggestions and ideas with respect to the prom design
- plan. Thanks to those suggestions, with just pulling a single all nighter I was able to put
- forward a rough sketch of the proposal and the design plan. Well, by cost benefit analysis
- it all added up to zero. It worked out and looked well on the balance sheet.
- Yuigahama didn’t need to be worried about me. To be honest, I was the one to be blamed,
- for carelessly yawning in front of her, which made her worry about me. So from now on,
- I’ll tighten my eyebrows and keep my face straight!
- “... Well, it’s no problem since I no longer feel sleepy”
- Yuigahama looked at me vacantly, and then suddenly went “Phff!” and smiled.
- “What’s that funny face about?”
- “My face…?”
- Well that was quite bitter and unnice to me but... fine. Good that I got my mood switched
- before entering the game club room.
- What a messy room as usual! As I tried to navigate myself along the mess, I could hear
- voices coming out from inside the room.
- “‘First, migrate the server using PHP and prepare for a database backup.”
- “What is this? No way, I don’t understand”
- “‘Then use JavaScript to further enhance the site, and CSS to set up the design…”
- “Ugh, how far is this going to push back the deadline?”
- Now I could see both Hatano and Sagami clearly - it sounded like they were talking about
- the website and both of their faces were full of despair. It looked like they worked quite
- hard to do their research, and as a result, they were both stroken hard by the reality.
- And, there was this guy on the other side wearing a truthfully evil smile on his face while
- scrolling through the SNS[31]. Of course, I was talking about Zaimokuza.
- I wanted to say hello bearing my genuine thankfulness of their hard work, but then as I
- made up my mind, I ended up just mumbling “Usu/hello there” to them. Noticing me,
- three of them replied to me one by one cheerfully, “Hey there, good work!”, “Otsukare!”
- and “Hey!”. Well, that’s exactly the kind of greetings between guys!
- Following that, Yuigahama also cheerfully raised her hand and greeted them.
- “Yahallo!!”
- That greeting completely froze the air in the clubroom.
- “What… what’s that Yahallo...?”
- “Ehhh, that girl is dangerously yabai, yabai, yabeeee.”
- ….well, that’s the normal reaction human beings should have! I do not blame them. Yet
- with that reaction we are never going to get things done peacefully.
- “Please don’t make a fuss over it for now. I have something important to tell you guys.”
- I pulled out a chair to sit down and cleared my throat. Hatano and others also got ready
- to hear what I had to say and straightened up their bodies. Confirming that everyone was
- ready to hear me, I solemnly opened my mouth.
- “Starting from today, we the Prom Executive Committee will all greet each other with
- ‘Yahallo’! No objection!”
- “Is this guy seriously a moron...?”
- “Something is wrong with his brain.”[32]
- Looks like Hatano was honestly shocked, and meanwhile Sagami showed his genuine
- face of sympathy towards something so pathetic.
- “Hold… hold on wait a second, Hikki…! This is seriously very embarrassing to me so
- please stop.”
- Yuigahama kept her shy blushing face down and dragged my sleeve as if begging me to
- stop.
- Seeing this cute animal-like behavior, Sagami pushed up his glasses and Hatano took off
- his. Both of them scrubbed their eyes as if they just beheld a very touching moment…
- “Ah well. Let’s go with Yahallo. It’s good!”
- “Yeah. Yahallo is good...”
- “Correct. Here we go everyone, three, two, one…”
- Zaimokuza led the crowd and, following his countdown, everyone sang Yahallo together.
- “Yahallo--”
- “Stop. Now.”
- With tears still remaining in her eyes, Yuigahama stared at us and said it with an
- extremely cold and scary voice. Silence befell the clubroom. Seeing everyone kept so
- quiet, I felt compelled to steer the topic towards something else. Otherwise, Gahama-san
- will stay angry for sure!
- “Let’s jump into our main subject today.”
- I pulled out the freshly-produced copies of the proposal and design sketches, passing
- them over to everyone. I started explaining them, with my fingers guiding my
- explanation.
- “I want the front page to be loaded with a huge background picture with information
- about the event on top of it. This is to attract attention and thus facilitate people’s
- discussions about it on the SNS. The front page doesn’t have to be too exquisite or
- refined. Try to keep it simple and smartly decorated. I have found a sample page for you
- guys for reference and you just have to try your best to copy exactly the design layout of
- it. As for the background picture, just assume that you have it already for now. Once it is
- ready, we’ll just need to swap it in.”
- Hatano looked at the stack of (web development) resources they compiled, and then
- turned to my design sketch. He couldn’t hold back but expressed his astonishment.
- “What’s up with all the effort that we have put in so far… This sounds like all we have to
- spawn is an easy blog thing.”
- “Hey, things getting easier for us is definitely a great thing that we should feel happy
- about. Don’t say anything extra thing or complain. Else, he’s gonna add more work to
- us...”
- Sagami dragged and held Hatano’s arm firmly, as Hatano was about to keep grumbling.
- Apparently Sagami didn’t want Hatano to say anything more. Oh Sagami the little
- brother, you know the rules of society too well. You have to potential and the talent to
- become a great Shachiku (Wage Slave in Japan). Speaking of which, I’m impressed, or
- should I say terrified, by how much you guys were able to pull up a research marathon
- on building the website.
- Zaimokuza, who apparently enjoyed the fact that he didn’t have to help with all the
- design work, looked at my design sketch with satisfaction, nodded his head couple times
- and folded up his arms.
- “So, how’s the proposal going?”
- “This is what I have for now. I’m currently proposing a collaboration with Kaihin-Sougo
- HS[33]. It might be too specific so that it might be hard for you to understand.”
- Zaimokuza took the proposal that I passed over and read them all at once. He then
- turned his head and called Hatano. Hatano only looked at the front page of the proposal
- and said,
- “Seriously what is this I do not understand...”
- “This crappy proposal looks like some ads pamphlet for a newly built apartment or a
- cover for a newly released business book… Why do you include diagrams on ‘Johari
- Window’ and ‘Maslow’s hierarchy of needs’ in the proposal?”[34]
- Hatano quickly picked up the proposal sheets that fell off to the table and gave it to
- Sagami, flipping the pages one by one. A few pages into the proposal, Sagami the little
- brother started to hold and squeeze his head in his hands.
- So as I warned you guys beforehand… An unpleasant memory flowed back into my mind
- again as I took another look at the front page of the proposal. Sternly written there,
- typeset using very stylish fonts was “Blockchain Type Diversity Inclusion - Proposal for
- the Prom Event ~ Sunset Beach with Waterfront aside… A Serendipity Experience inside
- an Ultimate Translucent Space~”. Even as the creator of that title, I could no longer grasp
- any of its meaning.
- Even a proud person like myself couldn’t withstand the embarrassment caused by seeing
- the title. “Ahem Ahem”. I soon tried to cough to cover up and avoid talking about it
- further.
- “... Well. Those are the bluff parts. To be honest, whatever it is as long as the Kaihin-
- Sougo side can be hooked into our plan.”
- “Wow even this kind of trap (which also means bait in JP) can hook them up. Are they
- mullets[35]?”
- You are very wrong, Hatano. Tamanawa-san isn’t that omnivorous at all. Don’t mix him
- up with heretic animals like mullets or blowfishes. Well they are very delicious dishes I
- have to say. He possesses such a strong self-esteem that could be called the Majesty
- Overlord[36]. Yet finally the moment has come - for the first time the Overlord is going to
- be fished by us!
- Hatano already gave up reading the proposal a while ago. Sagami, in contrast, still had
- the patience to keep on reading it. Eventually, Sagami finished reading it and nodded his
- head, mumbling “Yep, okay, okay”.
- “Wow. The content itself looks very promising.”
- “I know, right?” Yuigahama quickly followed up happily.
- Almost at the same time, Sagami tilted his mouth. “I feel like my sister is going to like
- this.”
- Yuigahama seemed a little surprise with a “Heh…” sound, but she quickly held her
- reaction back with another “Ugu.”
- “Alright. Just by reading it, this disgusting proposal looks like it’s gonna make people
- vomit, right out from my stomach.”
- “The only thing that gets us relieved - is that we have to make sure this proposal does not
- get chosen and realized.”
- Respectively, Zaimokuza moaned his last sentence out with a voice full of hatred; Hatano
- said his words as if disgusted by the smell of rotten fish.
- Oh well, anyways. I can sense that perhaps Yuigahama just made a pitiful expression on
- her face; in any case, with that little reaction, I can assure that she does not feel like
- there’s anything inherently wrong with the proposal.
- In additional to the great ideas of “collaborating with local elementary schools, middle
- schools and high schools”, the proposal was further nourished by Yuigahama’s flashy
- ideas - this was so perfect so that even I myself was trembling with fear.
- In the end, we couldn’t come up with anything that’s flashy and arbitrary enough that
- diverges too much away from Yukinoshita’s old proposal. We just decided to play around
- and “temper” the staging and the location of the prom a little bit.
- Imagine this scenario. Sunset by the sea, surrounded by campfire, a seaside live-house
- has been set up just like those Shounan Beach Events[37]. We will plan to hold our prom
- there. Actually no, we just have to make use of this “set up”. Taking into account the
- possibility of rain, we can then propose a Plan B - also discuss the possibility of
- negotiations with Mikatsuki Ryuguu Castle Hotel just so we can also hold our prom there
- as a backup option.[38]
- Wow, scary Hachiman. I’m scared by my ability to BS so well. If I keep cultivating my BS
- skills, I’m afraid soon the HRs from those advertisement conglomerate companies will
- start reaching out to me. As my imagination drifted further away, Yuigahama, maybe
- dissatisfied by the fact that she sided with Sagami the sister, raised her head up from
- reading the proposal and then frowned at me.
- “Even though Kaihin-Sougou might be okay with our proposal, what about Hayato?”
- “Ahh, as for him… It might be still too early for us to tell him face to face”
- “Hmmm?”
- As I indirectly brought up some bitter part of my experience with Hayato from the past,
- Yuigahama tilted her head aside, looked totally puzzled. Honestly, it’s not like the
- experience was puzzling or strange in particular.
- Cheap tricks won’t work for Hayato, in my opinion. I’m afraid even if I explained the
- content of our proposals cautiously enough, in front of someone as smart as Hayato, the
- fact that our proposal was just a stalking horse would soon get exposed. For this reason,
- to avoid causing extra effort or trouble to explain everything, and to avoid complicating
- things up, perhaps it’s better just to tell him straightforwardly that our proposal is just a
- dummy plan, before explaining its actual content. For sure, that will make things easier
- to proceed.
- “Alright! That’s it. I’m counting on you all.”
- Saying that, I finally concluded our meeting. Although the responses were cold and
- sporadic, they all got their hands busy right away.
- Hatano and Sagami continued their fight into how they should go about designing the
- websites, leaving alone Yuigahama aside just nodding her head saying “Um, um”.
- “Emm, that’s not cute enough.”
- “... Eh, can you be more specific?” Sagami asked Yuigahama respectfully.
- “Well, let’s say, make it a little more shining shiny, like this…”
- While scratching her head, Yuigahama tried her best to describe her abstract opinions
- more concretely, so that she could somehow make Sagami and Hatano understand them.
- I watched them from aside, listening to their non-stopping interactions and exchange of
- conversations pleasantly. On the other end of my eyesight Zaimokuza seemed to be
- doing something rustling.
- “Hachiman, I brought the digital camera you requested.”
- Speaking of which, he carefully placed a bulky DSLR camera on the desk. In addition, he
- began stacking books titled like “Intro to DSLR Tutorials”.
- “Oh, thank you! I will make good use of them for the moment… Just in case, please teach
- me how to operate this camera.”
- “Of course, leave it to me! I’m not professional per se but let’s just follow the instruction
- manual and let’s go~”
- “Hey, isn’t this your camera?”
- How could this guy not know how to operate his own stuff… Zaimokuza loudly
- proclaimed that he is proud of his ignorance. On one hand, he taught me some of the
- basic operations, on the other hand, he quickly scanned through the instruction manual
- while keep saying “Okay, I see, I see”.
- A while later, perhaps he’s getting a little tired and ignored, Zaimokuza coughed a couple
- times. And then, for some reason, he averted his eyes, blushed and said,
- “I have thought about… the name.”
- “Oh… really”
- This is something that’s far beyond what’s urgent or necessary for now… Well, I’m
- listening anyways. Zaimokuza took out from his coat pocket a piece of doubly folded
- paper and handed it over to me. Apparently, he wants me to open and see it…
- It can’t be helped. I had to briefly halt my work on reading the camera tutorial, and
- unfold that piece of paper. What I then saw was a unnecessarily well written work of
- calligraphy that says,
- “Soubu HS Prom Saikou Project”
- What the hell is this? Having my “camera reading” focus zone totally ruined, I suddenly
- remembered something from yesterday…
- “Oh, the name!”
- We had a discussion during yesterday’s meeting about the name of our committee.
- Apparently I wrote “Committee Name: Actively Looking for Recommendations ❤ ” on the
- whiteboard and this guy actually took it seriously. Zaimokuza coughed twice again and
- then fluttered his coat edge with dignity.
- “That’s right! The aforementioned ‘Saikou’ means…”
- “Ah ah, stop there. Alright, it’s okay, we all get it.”
- “Umm… okay I see.”
- Apparently Zaimokuza was let down, his face quickly turned to drooping. I bet he was
- trying to say something along the lines of including “Supreme” or
- “Reconsideration”[39] in the context. Well, whatevs. The key is to make the name easy
- enough to understand and stupid enough to reflect its dumbness. Considering these two
- points, the name isn’t unexpectedly unfit for the job. Especially this pun on words would
- definitely leave a SUPREMELY dumb and stupid impression on people. This was great.
- “We can settle on this title. Thanks!”
- “Wut??”
- Probably because I said it too lightheartedly, Zaimokuza was speechlessly surprised.
- Seeing that, Hatano passed that piece of paper back to Sagami.
- “The Committee Name, as it’s settled let’s all count on it!”
- “What…”
- “Seriously…”
- Both Hatano and Sagami’s faces turned stiff, making wry, bitter smiles at me. After seeing
- their reactions, Yuigahama nevertheless looked pretty satisfied, “Isn’t it great!”
- “Hmmm, oh, ah, okay, I see. Is it that great…” Finally able to read into the air and grasp
- the situation, Zaimokuza tried to cover his shyness by coughing twice again, thereby
- digesting his ecstacy completely before it leaked out.
- In fact, I think there’s going to be an even better title in the future. Please stay tuned and
- let’s all look forward to the next masterpiece from Zaimokuza Yoshiteru-Sensei!
- 6-2
- The sun was setting slowly. The last ray of sunshine flowed into the Game Club Room.
- It was about time for other school clubs to also conclude their daily activity.
- Sounds from those heavy bands could no longer be heard. Roars from the rugby club had
- also stopped for a while. Standing up from my seat and peaking into the schoolyard, I
- noticed that it was also about time for the soccer club to wrap their day up as well.
- “Alright, this is about it. Everyone please clean up your own things and we can call it a
- day.”
- As I turned my face back from peaking out of the window and told them to wrap up, the
- club room soon got filled up with sighs arised from exhaustion, and clicking sounds
- coming from head rotation and relaxed shoulders. Yuigahama, not unexpectedly, also
- relaxed her shoulder and meanwhile turned her body facing me.
- “Are you going to check with Hayato?”
- “Yeah.”
- As soon as I finished speaking, Yuigahama took out her smartphone and brought it close
- in front of her lips.[40]
- “Should I contact him now?”
- “Hmm let me think. No, nope, actually. It’s better to just catch him on the spot.”
- That took me just a flash of a second to change my mind.
- Means of communications, such as phones or messenger apps, are in fact very unreliable
- and incomplete tools. Using tools like these, getting ignored means pretty much the end
- of the day. “Oh, I didn’t notice your message”, “I was sleeping then”, “It ran out of battery
- then”, “I lost my phone unfortunately”, “In fact, I do not have a LINE account”, these are
- all kinds of excuses that poured out of my memory. There are even rare cases like “Oh, I
- actually do not have a phone”, myself being the source.
- But after all, Hayato is very unlikely to ignore messages from Yuigahama. If it does
- happen though and we have to reschedule and start over things on another day, that’d be
- very problematic, since we simply won’t have enough time left. Hence, we HAVE to take
- our chance and get it done today.
- Yuigahama was probably thinking along the same lines, and nodded to me.
- “I see… but just to be safe, I’ll still send him a message on LINE anyways. I’ll let you know
- as soon as he replies.”
- “Sure. Please do me the favor.”
- As I said it, I quickly packed things up and left the Game Club room.
- After leaving the staircase, I promptly set my foot towards the courtyard.
- The courtyard lies in between the main building and the special-purpose building. Since
- the courtyard was blocked by buildings from all directions, the night fades in there
- earlier than all other places on campus. It’s worth noticing that the columns located in
- the east under the main buildings naturally fall under the shadows of the special-
- purpose building, thereby leaving the darkness even thicker underneath.
- Suddenly, a piece of shadow moved across in that darkness.
- I tried to focus my eyes on that shadow and finally I could see there seemed to be
- someone standing in front of the vending machine under the building. As I walked closer
- towards there, gradually I could identify that the figure apparently belonged to a girl.
- She probably just bought something to drink from the vending machine. I could hear
- something had just dropped out from inside the vending machine. She squatted down,
- picked up the drink from the vending machine and stood up. That long, glamorously
- charming dark hair of hers waved in the wind. The vending machine cast cold, green-
- white colored light onto her white, slender face. She smiled gently, a scene that was so
- unrealistic and so surreal.
- That was Yukinoshita Yukino. I couldn’t possibly have mistaken her.
- Yukino firmly held the coffee can and gently put on her feather coat without her arms
- going through the sleeves. She then slowly walked towards the courtyard, sitting down
- on the bench located in the middle of the courtyard and aimlessly staring into the sky.
- As if trying to penetrate the bench, the withered tree groves were lit up by the
- streetlights, where orange light passed down through the dry twigs that were already
- devoid of leaves.
- All of this looked like it came out from a piece of painting. I sensed a feeling that
- compelled and drove me to just stare at this painting whenever and forever.
- However, unfortunately, without passing through the courtyard I could reach neither the
- soccer court nor the bike parking lot. So, feeling sorry in mind that I was about to ruin
- this already-perfect scenery, I decided to step into the scene.
- Soon, she noticed the footstep and looked at me.
- “Oh, isn’t this Mr. Hikigaya?”
- “Ah… yeah…”
- Seeing that Yukinoshita’s facial expression regained composure and that her smile
- returned, I used my jaw to nod in response to her greetings.
- Yukinoshita was holding the coffee can to warm her hands up. But after seeing me, she
- sighed and hid the coffee can behind her. That’s no use. No matter how you hide it, with
- that featured packaging, color and design there was no way I could possible miss it.
- “It’s rare for you to drink that.”
- “It’s perfect for sugar and energy replenishment.”
- She showed a very superficial smile to me, as she spoke, with her face dyed in dim red.
- She closed up her coat as if she was hugging herself, and hid the coffee can inside. Finally
- she recognized the charm of MAX Coffee! That’s a good thing.
- I quickly peeked at the soccer court - it looked like they were still busy tidying things up.
- Maybe I should wait a little longer before I go over and catch Hayama.
- Using only eye contact, I asked Yukinoshita if I could sit next to her. She nodded, and
- immediately moved her body away from the center of the bench, leaving some empty
- room that was just wide enough to for another person to sit down. So I did.
- “Taking a break?”, I asked.
- “Yeah, in order to breathe in some fresh air outdoor.”
- While answering my question, Yukinoshita quickly cast her eyes back to the main
- building. In that direction laid the Student Council room, in which the lights were still on.
- Unlike the Service Club room, almost alway empty, deserted and desolated, in the
- Student Council room since there’s a heater that Isshiki decided to bring over, people
- must have been living a pleasantly warm life there.
- “I know right. The heater is too effective so that people easily get drowsy with it.”
- I had to agree with her, since I remembered that thanks to a lot of stuff stacked in the
- Game Club room blocking air ventilation, that place also inevitably confines a lot of heat.
- Hearing my words, Yukinoshita was amused and laughed merrily with her mouth
- covered.
- “Well, with that reasoning it looks like you always stay in a heated room, am I right? I’m a
- little worried about the electricity bill.”[41]
- “Don’t worry. It all gets balanced by the coldness coming from other people’s indifferent,
- nonchalant gaze on me.”
- “You really live an eco-friendly life.”
- Yukinoshita shrugged her shoulders. I also mocked myself with a tilted smile on one side
- of my lip,
- “Well, having this repeated hot-and-cold pattern is great, certainly even better if served
- in a sauna room. It gets my life in order.”
- “I wonder if you know the correct usage of ‘get something in order’.”
- “No, maybe I don’t. However, everyone says ‘Sauna gets one’s life in order’. In fact, after
- repeating the steam room and in the middle of the glycine bath, there’s a process called
- ‘air bath’ right? As far as I know, people always say “Air bath gets one’s life in order”.”
- “You seem to have no intention to get your usage of grammar in order… I have no idea
- what you are talking about. Not a single idea.”[42]
- Facing someone like me, who is arguing so intensely and foolishly to defend oneself,
- Yukinoshita shrugged her shoulders again.
- She didn’t understand or try to understand a single word I said. I bet you are going to get
- wrecked for wasting your spa money! I’m serious. Sometimes my father would take me
- to spas by chance and I’d just follow him. Thanks for the treat, Dad! Some of the spa
- places even offer free manga to read. So instead of going to those manga coffee shop like
- a fool, going to these manga spas is definitely a far better way to enjoy the weekends.
- Even though sauna sounds like some old dude’s hobby, nowadays anime shows that are
- themed with old dude’s hobby are getting more and more popular! I can sense the
- slippery from an anime or a manga where girls enjoy sauna. While imagining that, I feel
- like my skins were feeling tingly already. Hey, I was referring to saunas though, not the
- girls!
- While continuing my daydreaming, I got a sneak peek at Yukinoshita’s face.
- Her eyes were still full of confidence to win the match between us; her mouth was still
- wearing a calm and composed smile, just like a few days ago when I looked into her eyes
- as I left the Student Council room. Of course, this is something that I already got used to.
- While I quietly commemorated the sense of distance between us, I smirked bitterly and
- finally opened my mouth.
- “How’s it going? I meant, the proposal.”
- Yukinoshita is a little shocked by what I asked and looked straight at me. But she soon
- turned that into a teasing smile.
- “...how rare it is that you start to care about others.”
- “It’s not like that. Of course, I have to study my enemy.”
- Hearing me explaining myself calmly, Yukinoshita got dumbfounded and speechless for a
- minuscule moment. But then, she smirked and shrugged her shoulders,
- “I see. It’s been going quite well. We managed to finish all the pending tasks and now we
- are coordinating things smoothly among all parties. I guess the only thing left is the
- assignment and distribution of work on the day of event.”
- As she went through each item one by one, her eyes looked upward as if she was
- marking each of them as checked. Judging from her voice and emotion, she didn’t look
- like she’s being preoccupied by the work at all.
- “That makes me so jealous… Well, don’t force yourself too much. Just use Isshiki as much
- as you can, even if that means crushing her dead completely. After all, she has the
- potential to become a great wage slave[43].”
- “I don’t need you to tell me that. That’s what I’m going to do anyways.”
- I said so in a half-joking, half-serious way, whereas Yukinoshita narrowed her eyes with
- a clever smile floating on her face. That’s so scary - unlike me, she looked like she was
- totally serious about it.
- “What about you?”
- She lost the stiffness and seriousness on her face and asked me gently. I hid myself
- behind my fluffy scarf and replied to her,
- “Well, it’s going as planned. We manage to finish just right amount of work and proceed
- without working overtime. I just have one more thing to do after this - something
- outdoor that I don’t know how long it’d take. Once that’s done I’m heading straight home
- and will get rest of my work done there.”
- “Sounds like only the ‘time management’ part is going well for you.”
- Yukinoshita tapped her fingers on her temple as if she was trying to suppress a
- headache. She sighed, perhaps feeling a little uncomfortable and uneasy by what I said.
- After that, she looked down and stared at her feet.
- “You don’t even have to work that hard. You know...”
- She said that so gently and softly, just like the white breath coming out from her mouth
- that soon disappeared in the air. I then returned her a gentle, small nod and then took my
- time searching for words to say.
- “...I have come this far by forcing myself hard. You know that this is my normalcy.”
- “I see.”
- She nodded forcibly, biting her lips hard. She didn’t say anything after that.
- Instead, she put her hand into her coat, and then slowly took out something.
- “Please…”
- That’s the MAX coffee can that she just bought earlier. Probably because it was in her
- pocket all the time, touching it still gave me a feeling of well-preserved warmth.
- “Ah, thanks a lot… wait, but why?”
- “You still have work to do after this right? I’m just out here to take a break. I’ll go drink
- something once I’m back to the club room.”
- While saying so, she stood up from the bench.
- I waved my hands at her to try to stop her. I knew that it simply wouldn’t work. So I
- quickly stood up as well.
- “Wait a second… Eh, what should I get for you then?”
- I took out the coin change from my pocket, which made a tinkling sound. Yukinoshita
- heard the sounds and shook her head.
- “It’s okay. Keep the money yourself and buy some treat for your club members.”
- “No, it makes no sense if only I got the treat. If you are treating me drinks to provide me
- moral support then I have to properly return the favor. That’s good manner. Can I get the
- same thing for you? I was planning on getting the MAX can anyways.”
- After hearing my long excuses, Yukinoshita seems to be slightly disturbed, staring at me
- with dissatisfaction. Nevertheless, perhaps sensing my strong will to defend my actions,
- she sighed again to signal her will to surrender. She then gave me an honest smile.
- “Nothing but sophism...”
- Knowing that she couldn’t refuse my favor anyways, she kept her smile and returned to
- the bench. She looked up to me, her head slightly tilted.
- “... then the same thing for me please.”
- I acknowledged quietly to her broad smile. I quickly ran to the vending machine and
- returned with another can of MAX coffee. Still being slightly out of breath, I handed over
- the MAX can that was still hot.
- “Careful. It’s hot!”
- Yukinoshita then stretched her cardigan sleeves a little over her hands. With extra care,
- she took the hot coffee can that I passed over, and had her sleeves in between them to
- insulate the heat.
- “Thank you....”
- I shook my head in reply to her expression of gratefulness. I returned to the bench and
- removed the cap from the MAX Coffee can that I was holding. The steam rising from the
- can deflected the orange light going through, and gradually dissolved in the wind. I took
- a sip of my coffee. The sweetness quickly spreaded over my mouth and the coffee soon
- warmed up my body.
- While I was drinking the coffee one sip after another, Yukinoshita held the can firmly to
- warm up both of her hands.
- We both kept the silence undisturbed and let the time pass by. Sometimes, either I was
- going to say something, or she was going to, but in the end, only breaths remained.
- However, thanks to the quiet breaths and the darkness of the environment, we were able
- to notice even the slightest gestures, expressions, or actions between us. I was already
- missing this sense of distance then.
- In the end, we were never able to have any proper conversations, but only to indulge
- ourselves in this speechless period of time together. Suddenly, an abrupt sound broke
- the silence. It came from out of my pocket. My leg felt the vibration. I pulled out my
- smartphone and found an incoming call.
- “Excuse me.”
- After my brief apology, Yukinoshita shook her head gently, implying that she didn’t mind
- it at all. I nodded to her and returned to my smartphone - on the screen it said it was a
- call from Yui. Just as I was about to pick up the call the vibration halted immediately. Just
- when I was wondering “What was that about?”, I heard footsteps made by loafer heels
- hitting the ground. Yukinoshita turned her face to the source of the sound and then so
- did I.
- “Good evening, Yuigahama-san”
- “Good evening…. Yahallo, Yukinon!”
- Like a greeting during a quiet night. Yuigahama lowered her voice and waved her hand
- gently right above her chest to us. Then she slowly approached the bench towards us.
- The street light lit up Yuigahama wearing a scarf on top of her coat and carrying her
- backpack on her back. Apparently she was prepared to leave.
- “... What’s up? Heard anything from Hayama?”
- “Right. He wanted me to tell you that we can get dinner together and take our time to
- talk.”
- When she was answering my question, she waved her smartphone gently at me. Given
- that Hayama had already reached out to me, I don’t think I had any other reasons to stay
- here. As for his suggestion to get dinner together, I guessed it was better just to meet him
- near the train station.
- I finished up the remaining coffee and stood up.
- “Work?”
- “Yeah.”
- I nodded to Yukinoshita, as she looked up and asked me. She also checked the time, put
- the MAX Coffee can back into her pocket and stood up.
- “I’m also going back to work”
- “Wait!”
- Just when they were about to pass each other without meeting, Yuigahama took
- Yukinoshita’s hand. Perhaps caught by surprise, Yukinoshita froze and looked at
- Yuigahama in doubt.
- Being speechlessly stared at, Yuigahama got a little bit embarrassed and quietly touched
- her hair bun with one hand.
- “I feel like, for some reason, we have not seen each other for a long time. It’s strange… I
- wonder for how many days have we not met each other...?”
- “Right…. I was so occupied with my work that I couldn’t find any spare time.”
- In response to Yuigahama’s shy smile, Yuikinoshita returned her a gentle smile. After
- seeing that smile, Yuigahama quietly looked downward.
- “No, I don’t think that’s the reason. Am I being … avoided deliberately?”
- Yuigahama gently raised her face up, asking modestly as if trying to peek into
- Yukinoshita’s heart. Hearing that, Yukinoshita suddenly straightened up her body and
- switched to a firmer attitude.
- “That’s not the case. That’s not true. It’s just that there’s so many communications
- coming in and out about the prom preparation and arguments against the prom event. I
- had too many things to deal with…”
- She argued vehemently, but then suddenly she softened her voice and looked down. She
- then lost her words and instead made a long sigh. Yuigahama gently bit her lip, faced the
- downward-looking Yukinoshita and apologized powerlessly.
- “Em, sure, right. I’m sorry...”
- They stayed speechless for a while after that.
- I feel compelled to say something. So frustrated at myself, I opened my mouth without
- carefully crafting words that fit into the atmosphere,
- “...Hey.”
- Hearing my voice, Yukinoshita suddenly raised her face while keeping a firm grip on
- Yukinoshita’s hands. Surprised by this situation, Yukinoshita also raised her face up and
- said,
- “I am actually helping Hikki”
- That totally caught me by surprise. It left me astonished and speechless at first.
- “...oh... Did I not tell you…?”
- I mumbled. I thought we kept in touch over LINE somehow and thus I took it for granted
- that I already told Yukinoshita about the fact that Yuigahama’s is helping me. Keeping
- Yukinoshita informed should be my responsibility, not Yuigahama’s. I regretted and
- blamed myself so much that Yuigahama ended up having to say it in a terribly awkward
- situation like this.
- Thereupon, Yukinoshita turned her face to me and shook her head, suggesting me not to
- worry about it. After that, she turned to Yuigahama, firmly gripped Yuigahama’s hand in
- return, and said,
- “Don’t worry about it. I understand it.”
- “... No, I don’t think you do.”
- Yuigahama tilted her face in sadness.
- “I was thinking about doing *it* properly. After we are finished with all of this, I will get
- *it* done properly. Therefore.... I will make sure your wish never comes true.”
- She kept staring into Yukinoshita’s eyes, trying to organize her words earnestly.
- Yukinoshita nodded, just to confirm that Yuigahama had finished her words.
- “... I see. But I do hope that your wish comes true though.”
- It appeared that her smile was so genuine, without even a slightest sense of sadness, that
- her words were honest and truthful.
- However, Yuigahama’s stern face didn’t clear up at all after she heard Yukinoshita’s
- words. After two or three breaths, Yuigahama cast a gaze that seemed to cling firmly on
- Yukinoshita.
- “... Do you actually… know my wish? Are you sure you know *it* clearly?”
- “Yes. I think it’s probably the same thing as mine.”
- Yukinoshita replied without any hesitation. Her smile was certainly soaked with love and
- affection. In her clear pupils was no hesitation or perplexity whatsoever.
- “I see… then.. it’s okay.”
- Yuigahama exhaled deeply, released Yukinoshita’s hand gently and took a step back.
- Seeing that Yuigahama’s hands dropped powerlessly, Yuigahama wore a very slight and
- thin smile on her face.
- “Sorry, but I have to leave now.”
- Saying that, Yukinoshita firmly doubled her fist with her empty hand. While my eyes said
- goodbye to Yukinoshita, Yuigahama however kept her face down without looking up.
- Yukinoshita sighed with a troubled face. Finally, she turned her back on us. Only the
- sound of loafers hitting the brickstone ground resonated in the courtyard, and step by
- step it was going further and further away.
- I saw her off with my eyes before taking a short breath. Even so, that didn’t alleviate the
- heavy feeling that got stuck in my stomach at all.
- “It’s about time. Let’s get going.”
- I said that to Yuigahama, who stood there still and paralyzed. I don't think those are the
- right words to say, but I'm simply too deplorable - I know I had to say something in this
- situation, but I just didn't know what to say.
- Yuigahama nodded to me, with an almost vanishing voice "alright...". But apparently, she
- had no intention to walk out and leave.
- Yukinoshita stepped into the shadow below the school building. I could see her fleeting
- figure dissolving into the background and her footstep pitching higher.
- Before I was able to see the scene through the end, Yuigahama suddenly raised her face
- up, and with all her strength she started dashing over in Yukinoshita’s direction.
- Yukinoshita was taking her time to walk away slowly, but after hearing the footsteps, she
- turned her face back.
- It all happened in a moment. Yuigahama suddenly jumped into Yukinoshita, hugging her
- back wholeheartedly.
- Leaking an almost inaudible voice of surprise and confusion, Yukinoshita stumbled a few
- steps forward, almost dropping her coat from her back. But before that happened,
- Yuigahama held onto her coat firmly and buried her face quickly into the slim collars.
- "When the prom ends, we should get lunch together. Besides that, I'd like to stay
- overnight at your apartment again. When the spring comes, we'll go to Disneyland
- together; we'll go to the Seaworld again. And after that we can all stay overnight in my
- place. And then when it's April,..."
- With her wavering voice, Yuigahama's words came out so quickly just like an arrow
- shooting immediately after another arrow. She snorted, then looked up after taking a
- breath and smiled gently.
- "What shall we do in April? We can do all sorts of things. So much to do that it could take
- us years or decades."
- Dimmed orange light emitted from light poles sank into Yukinoshita's pupils. She relaxed
- her fist and her hand stretched over to reach Yuigahama's shoulder. She then gently
- touched Yuigahama's shoulder and tried to cover her face with her other hand touching
- her forehead.
- "That's... that's really a lot to do... I wonder if we can actually do all of them."
- "We can! We'll be together until we finish doing all of them... So, it's not a problem."
- Being hugged tightly, Yukinoshita sighed in confusion. But Yuigahama did not seem to
- care. Instead, she put in more strength in her arms and asked.
- "Do you understand?"
- As if she was being playful to a kid, Yuigahama laid her cheek on the back of
- Yukinoshita's neck to comfort her. Yukinoshita twisted her body a little bit, maybe out of
- slight shyness.[44]
- "Yeah, I understand. I understand it."
- "Like really understand it crystal clear?"
- "Yes.. yes. So could you just release me a little bit..."
- Yukinoshita did not force herself to part from Yuigahama. And Yuigahama released her
- slowly and gently. Yuigahama froze briefly after they took some distance apart. While I
- was watching all of this, I made a short sigh.
- Just as usual, we are so bad at communicating with each other. 'I meant to say this; I
- meant that I knew this; I meant that I understood this.' - with thoughts like this piling up
- among us, we have reached where we are today. I think we didn't grow mature at all, not
- even a little bit.
- We all know that there's an easier way to communicate our feelings.
- However, I do not believe that's the right way.
- But I know I can do one thing at least - avoid making mistakes.
- As if I was praying, I fixed my eyes on both of them without moving.
- 6-3
- After seeing Yukinoshita off back to the Student Council room, Yuigahama and I headed
- over to the station.
- The temperature dropped quickly as the sun set. To avoid the chilly wind, we walked in
- between the residential buildings. The 'kyu-kyu-' sound of me pushing the bicycle got
- mixed with the buzzing sound of dry wood along the street, both of which gradually
- vanished in the end.
- Along the way, Yuigahama walked next to me and talked to me about various things, but
- did not mention anything about Yukinoshita. I think she was deliberately avoiding it.
- Since Yuigahama clearly has subtle consideration about it, so I should not touch it either.
- [45]
- Of course, our topic of discussion naturally went into a different direction.
- "Soccer club people certainly practice until very late, right?"
- "Ah, right, especially today their training took an even longer time."
- Although our campus isn't that big, we have soccer club, baseball club, rugby club and
- the track and field club, all of which need places to carry out their activities. Hence, they
- have to coordinate with each other on activity time and places to stay organized.
- As I explained to Yuigahama, she made a "hoe-"[46] sound.
- "Hmmm I see. You really know the details."
- "Nah, it's normal"
- It's not like Yuigahama's reaction implied anything, but it made me look like I'm really
- interested in the soccer club. So I ended up coughing once or twice to cover it up and
- divert the subject.
- "Ah, btw, tomorrow is the day to take photos, right?"
- As I changed the subject intentionally, Yuigahama also redirected her attention and
- nodded to me.
- "Hmm... Taking photos..."
- "I was thinking about taking it by the sea. Could you please do be a favor and be the
- model?"
- "Ehhh!? Me!? Ah, that's kind of embarrassing for me..."
- Yuigahama caressed her hair bun with her glove gently.
- "It's okay just to show a back view. I've seen quite a few of those kind of photos. I think
- it'd be good to have two or three people in the photo like this."
- I held my bicycle aside and took out my smartphone - trying to look up images as
- references. Yuigahama came closer little by little to peek into the screen.
- "I see... It's just barely safe if it's from the back... I will try to ask Yumiko and Hina as
- well."
- That closer up distance unchanged, we kept walking side by side. Feeling a little uneasy, I
- closed my opened coat, brought my scarf all the way up to my mouth and speeded up my
- pace.
- Finally, we navigated ourselves through in front of the station and arrived at the Saizerya
- storefront.
- I parked my bicycle and entered the restaurant, immediately starting to look around for
- the customer who arrived earlier.
- I only hadn't been here for a couple days. It didn't look that the place had changed a bit. If
- I had to say one thing that did change, it's the Hayama Hayato cheerfully waving his
- hands at us with a refreshing smile on his face.
- Hayama moved his body to spare some space for us from that 4-people seat. He raised
- his hand facing upward as if saying "Here please, my Milady."
- That proud and impertinent pose looked like it could become part of a painting. This is
- making me angry and uneasy. Speaking of which, what's even making me more uneasy is
- this guy sitting next to Hayama eating pasta with a carefree face...
- "Why's Tobecchi here?"
- After taking her seat, Yuigahama said it before I could. Meanwhile, Tobe got choked by
- the food and said,
- "Ubbeee(crap)-... I shouldn't have come...? Cuz Hayato told us everyone is grabbing
- dinner together and so I'm here..."
- Scared by the situation, Tobe looked at Yuigahama, who then gently waved her hand and
- smiled at him.
- "Oh, that's not it. You weren't invited but you ended up coming anyways..."
- Yuigahama didn't seem to say that out of ill will. But saying it lightly wearing that smile
- can certainly cause extra damage. Tobe's mouth suddenly cramped, awkwardly put
- down the fork and cast his eyes towards Hayama and me, as if those eyes were saying
- "Eh? Is this bad? Should I leave? Is it better for me to go home? Ah crap...",saying so in a
- quite annoying way.
- "... Well, it won't make a difference no matter if you are here or not."
- Having said that, I cast my eyes towards Hayama. I could barely see from the side of my
- eyesight that Tobe was mumbling "Crap... the way he said that is so... terrible...". Hayama
- showed a bitter smile to Tobe and turned his face to us.
- "I'm sorry for taking your time." Yuigahama closed her palms together to express her
- apology and gratitude.
- "Well, I can't really say no to Yui's request." Hayama smiled and responded. If I were the
- person asking him, I wonder if I'd just get rejected... I cast my dubiously questioning eyes
- to Hayama. He then simply switched to the main topic.
- "So, what's the deal for today?"
- "You know this so-called 'prom' thing,right?"
- "Yeah, more or less."
- Just like Isshiki, I guessed Hayama also learned or heard about it from Yuigahama. Hence
- I asked him knowing that in mind. Hayama answered it frankly without hesitation. As I
- nodded in return, I continued.
- "So the situation right now is that, some of our parents think it's not wholesome and thus
- are strongly against holding the prom. We are cornered now and was told to act with
- 'self-restraint'. To deal with it, we then unilaterally created this new plan to carry out a
- prom with even greater scale."
- As I finished explaining, Tobe suddenly stopped his hand holding his pasta.
- "... Wait, what, why??"
- "To make sure that the prom takes place."
- I said so without looking at Tobe, but straight at Hayama. Hayama folded his arms and
- then held his chin, thinking silently.
- "... in other words, it's a stalking horse?"
- Hearing that, I tilted one side of my mouth and put up an evil smile.
- "Your quick understanding makes things easier, thankfully."
- "No, I cannot understand, to be honest."
- Perhaps confused, Hayama shrugged his shoulders at my smile. Tobe, on the other hand,
- looked at us back and forth, trying so hard to understand the situation. Yet, looked like
- he just gave up, as he leaned forwarded over the table and asked Yuigahama "What's
- going on?" for an explanation. Yuigahama then "So, let me think, here's what's going
- on...", started explaining the whole thing quietly.
- Well, it's okay even if Tobe doesn't understand. The only person that I'm here to deal
- with is Hayama. I quickly glanced sidelong at the whispering two, and then cut in to the
- main topic.
- "So, I want some support from the Club President Association."[47]
- "I don't think we can offer any meaningful help. It's not like we have a great deal of
- authority or say over school matters."
- "I know. But still I'd like to ask for one thing."
- As Hayama was about to say no and just end the conversation, I raised my hand and
- suggested 'well, hear me first'.
- "You guys are planning to this Oikon thing right? Isn't it better if all clubs can jointly hold
- this thing? To follow up and tag along with Oikon, we can make a new prom proposal."
- [48]
- "Oikon..."
- After finishing up the pasta, Tobe froze his hand again while trying to reach out to the
- doria. He tilted his head in confusion and looked at Hayama. Hayama smiled bitterly.
- "Look like you learned about it from somewhere else."
- I looked at Hayama with my questioning eyes asking "what do you mean?". Hayama
- reached out to his coffee cup and then took a sip. It was espresso but he didn't show even
- a slight expression of bitter taste. He started talking composedly.
- "The student council has already reached out and asked us about Oikon."
- Sounds like now I'm the one making a bitter face. Nevertheless, Hayama's face kept its
- composure after seeing my reaction and continued,
- "We already decided to help out the student council. Or should I rather put it, we are a
- subdivision under the student council. So obviously we cannot help you guys out."
- "Ugu..", I lost my words.
- They got it before us. While we were still conceiving it they already got it done... I guess
- besides enhancing her prom proposal, Yukinoshita already thought about using some
- help from the Club President Association.
- I don't know why but in this world, people all hold this strong belief that sports clubs
- must be wholesome. Probably those old people, after committing some light crimes,
- would easily cover them up with some pranks or tricks. They certainly, and strangely,
- are very tolerant to those young people who are sweating invigoratingly and holding
- strong passions. In reality, they are not wholesome at all. Every year they cause turmoils
- and apologize for things like 'team activity temporarily in halt', 'bowing out right before
- a competition due to scandals'. More recently, there are even bolder conducts such as
- sexual harassment, power harassment, drug abusement and so on.
- So, it's annoying if I just end up giving up now. Knowing that I'm doing useless and
- meaningless resistance, I still have to continue my negotiation. If I don't, then all my
- effort would go for nothing.
- "... in that case, how about as an individual? Would Hayama Hayato, as an individual
- without any titles, help out with us?"
- "Helping you as an individual would be the most unwilling thing for me to do."
- Hayama tilted his face, expressing genuine unwillingness deep from heart. His
- expression looked like the one that a boxer would make after his liver gets punched and
- gouged out. Okay, now it's the time to attack!
- "It's also okay if we can just borrow your name."
- "Doesn't look like I'm ever going to have it back."
- "Ah... you are right..."
- Punched right into my face by his sharp and eloquent argument, I dropped my jaw. He's
- right. If I get to borrow Hayama's name I'd use every inch of it, Just like borrowing a
- stamp and use it to apply for a loan and buy a house.[49] Good for you Zaimokuza, you get
- to buy a new apartment!
- While I nodded to myself, Hayama looked at me and rolled his eyes.
- "I cannot accept this. You are the type of person who would borrow a game, write your
- own name on it and even sell it later! I hate that so much."
- "Don't get me wrong. I won't do it. I don't even have a friend who can lend me a game in
- the first place."
- As I argued it fair and square, Hayama sighed deeply. Tobe was like "That's him! Those
- who use markers to write stuff on goods and resell them on GEO[50] and then mesmerize
- the buyers... I wonder if Akkun is still okay...[51]"
- Instead, Yuigahama dropped her jaw in astonishment. She stared at us speechlessly with
- her eyes asking "what's going on right now". Looking at her unbelievable face, Hayama
- smiled gently and said,
- "What's up?"
- "Ah... I was a little surprised"
- Yuigahama looked at and compared Hayama and me side by side, 'ehehe-' laughed
- happily. Meanwhile, embarrassed Hayama had decided to keep his mouth shut. And then,
- pretending to sit up straight, Hayama leaned his body aside and moved away from me.
- Well, had I only known the kind Mr. Hayama Hayato, maybe the posture of ‘repulsiveness
- against me' would somehow end up looking pretty nice. Hayato-san, you have quite a
- personality.
- As I was thinking that, Tobe, who apparently knows Hayama a lot better than I do,
- proudly straightened up his neck and said,
- "Well, it's because sometimes Hayato-kun you do say pretty tough things too."
- Tobe smiled and tried to seek consensus. Trying to cover up and divert things, Hayama
- coughed a couple times.
- "To begin with why do you have to do this? I didn't hear anything about this 'stalking
- horse' proposal from Yukinoshita though?"
- "Of course you didn't. It's all my unilateral actions."
- Hayama leaned his head slightly, with his eyes inquiring what I meant by that. I didn't
- really want to explain to him, I answered him in only few words. After that, I stopped
- elaborating further, resting my chin in my hand. We then entered a brief moment of
- silence.
- "Looks like you two are not working on it together this time... What happened?"
- He seemed to noticed my unwillingness to elaborate further, following up with yet
- another question. He didn't dodge his eyes away from me as he asked, but rested his
- elbows on the table and had his fingers crossed[52]. His attitude looked like he'd wait
- forever until I gave an answer. I sighed quietly.
- "It's my own business, not something that you should care about."
- The moment I said so deep inside Hayama's pupil something dark started moving. His
- gaze on me stifled me. Despite so, Hayama shrugged his shoulders.
- Hayama's didn't relaxed his gaze, leaving the atmosphere even drier. I could feel my skin
- getting stung and burned by his eyes. Perhaps those sitting next to me could also feel the
- tightened ambience. Tobe twisted his body uncomfortably.
- Yuigahama had her eyes down by herself, yet eventually she decided to open her mouth.
- "Yukinon... Yukinon wants to prove that she could do it on her own. Otherwise, she'd end
- up depending on Hikki and me. She decided not to let that happen."
- "...that's what she said..?"
- Hayama swallowed his breath out of discomposure. Just to make sure, he asked again
- slowly. Without raising her head, Yuigahama nodded.
- "I see..."
- Hayama sighed deeply and closed his eyes. I cannot grasp the meaning behind that long
- sigh. Only from his action of biting the lips, I could tell that he is stressfully troubled.
- As suffocating silence continued, I could sense that the restaurant was getting noisier.
- Without saying a word, both Yuigahama and I looked down on our hands.
- "Ah.... by the way, did you two eat? Are you hungry? Should I order something?"
- Maybe Tobe couldn't bear with the awkwardness, or maybe he was reading into the air
- and trying to do me a favor. Tobe forced his wide smile at us and opened the menu.
- Yuigahama looked at me implying "what should we do?". I shook my head in response.
- "No, it's fine. I am about to head out."
- Refraining from putting it into words, I used my eyes and mouth movement to express
- my gratefulness to Tobe, though I'm not sure if he'd get it. Tobe was like "O, oh..."
- seemingly confused.
- After we broke the silence, Hayama sighed shortly.
- "I will help out with the prom itself. However, I will NOT assist you as an individual nor
- as part of Club President Association. I won't dissuade other CPA members from helping
- out as individuals. That's my compromise."
- Without looking at me directly, Hayama fixed his eyes on the cup in front of him.
- Hayama's pupil reflected darkness and turmoil, and deep inside there was no light.
- "...well, that's what I guessed. It's enough."
- As I spoke, Yuigahama looked at me uneasily and anxiously.
- "Hikki, are you sure?"
- "Yeah."
- I think it's no problem that CPA is helping out with Yukinoshita. It's sufficient just to get
- Hayama's promise and commitment out. After all, my end goal is to make sure
- Yukinoshita's prom plan takes place. They[53] made their wise move ahead of us, but it
- won't change the outcome in the end.
- In that case, I just have to make use use of other cards in my hand.
- "I'm getting ready to leave. Thanks and sorry for taking your time."
- I took the check promptly and left the seat. Hayama was hesitating whether to stand up
- or not, sighed shortly, but then he gave up and stood up anyways. Left by himself, Tobe
- quickly devoured the leftover doria, poured the remaining coke into his mouth and
- chased us clumsily.
- 6-4
- After I paid the bill and left the restaurant, the night had already fallen.
- Due to the commute rush, many people were passing by the station area. I was pushed by
- the crowd and left alone walking by myself... maybe I should just head to the station for
- now... hence I ended up catching up with Yuigahama and Tobe while pushing my bicycle.
- And then I voice came from behind.
- "Can I borrow just a moment from you?"
- "Ugh?"
- As I turned around, Hayama was standing there aimlessly. Surprised at us two suddenly
- stopped walking, Yuigahama and Tobe looked at us, turned around and walked back to
- us.
- Hayama looked at Tobe and nodded with a little eye contact. Tobe picked it up. He
- stretched his neck and said,
- "Ah, hmmm, let me walk Yui home."
- That immediately caught Yui by surprise.
- "Ehh?? Why??"
- "Why? ehh, ehhh? Why do you ask?"
- While Tobe asked her back, Yuigahama waved her hand.
- "Well, it's not like my home lies in the same direction as yours. I live close by so I can go
- back just fine as normal."
- "That frantly?? Ah, but normally you should take my offer..."
- "Eh, ah, it's okay, really. Daijoubu."
- "uppee-(crap)... that really hurts..."
- Tobe was surprised by the unexpected situation and stood dumbfounded. Yuigahama
- then took a step towards me and gently raised her hand up.
- "See you tomorrow Hikki-, and Hayato-kun."
- "Yep, see you tomorrow."
- While I said so with a nod, Hayama waved his hand and said "Good night".
- Yuigahama soon walked away, followed by Tobe chasing her in confusion and
- dissatisfaction. Seeing both of them off, Hayama and I were left in the crowd.
- We waited until we could no longer see them. I then turned my face to Hayama.
- "...So, what's your problem?"
- "Shall we walk as we speak?"
- Dodging my question and not even waiting for me to say yes, he started walking. He
- didn't tell me where we were heading to but merely suggested to follow him.
- For a while, I followed his steps and pushed my bike without any exchange of words.
- We walked into a back street one block away from the shopping district, and then came
- out of a corner surrounded by trees. Seemingly an inhospitable place, it's a park
- equipped with swings and a playground slide.
- "Wait here for a moment."
- "eh, hey..."
- I was gonna stop him but he quickly ran away somewhere. It can't be helped, so I parked
- my bicycle and sat down on a bench in a gazebo.
- There's nobody here other than me. The park was really quiet. There's nothing much
- surrounding the park, leaving chilly wind blowing freely. I closed up my coat collar,
- tightened my scarf and put my hands into the pocket. I waited for Hayama with my body
- shaking and clattering.
- After breathing in and out a couple times, I heard sounds of trampled sand coming from
- my back. I turned around and saw Hayama holding coffee cans and walking back towards
- me.
- "Get ready."
- As he spoke, he threw one of the cans over at me. I quickly took my hands out of pocket
- in panic and somehow managed to catch it.
- "That was dangerous... Can't you just pass it over normally?"
- Following my bad attitude, however, was a relieving breath from my mouth. I could feel
- the warmth transmitting into my palms. 'Eh, hot!!' I mumbled. It's about time to drink, so
- I opened the can and started drinking sip by sip.
- Hayama, who looked at me and smiled in satisfaction, sat down on the bench next to the
- one I sat on. He first warmed his hands with the can, and soon also started drinking like
- me. After a brief sigh, he began to talk in scattered words.
- "I’ve come to remember things from the past."
- "What thing?"
- I peeked at his face from aside. Hayama leaned his body slightly forward and stared at
- his hand holding the coffee can. Light coming from the street lamps shed on his face,
- casting shadows on the ground.
- "... Things from the past. You know back in elementary school, she was isolated by others,
- right? Back then, she said something similar... 'I can do it just by myself. I do not want to
- rely on you. I do not need your help.'"
- "Huh... I felt like I heard about that from somewhere, maybe."
- "Yeah... Hence I came to remember it."
- Acknowledging my back-channeling, half-joking speech, Hayama raised his head up a
- little bit and replied to me in smile. Nevertheless, his delightful attitude quickly faded
- out.
- "...I wasn't able to do anything for her back then."
- Just like his falling voice, his eyes also looked down on the ground.
- "No, that's not accurate. In retrospect from the outcome, it ended up being a lot worse
- and awful. I offered my help halfway in the middle without wrapping it up, which caused
- even more damage. I was thinking that back then - I should have helped and gave it
- everything I had."
- Hayama cast his self-loathing smile at me, eyes turning gloomy. I shrugged my shoulders.
- "What is this? Repentance? You should do that facing a wall."
- "They are about the same."[54]
- Saying so in a half-joking fashion, Hayama, whose face illustrated by the street light,
- lowered his eyelashes with an apologizing face. In contrary to that face, the steel can was
- shaking in his hand. Cold wind started to blow at us again but that's definitely not why he
- was shaking.
- Besides, I can sense regretfulness and anger leaking from inside him.
- I recalled that day in that summer when Hayama and Yukinoshita had a conversation. It's
- not like I asked them to know precisely what they talked about, but at my best guess, it's
- probably about what happened to them in the past being repeated exactly as with
- Tsurumi Rumi, who was isolated likewise.
- It's not hard to imagine the young Yukinoshita Yukino standing out from all other kids in
- the crowd, thanks to her beauty, temperament and intelligence. It's also easy to imagine
- how someone as unique and special as Yukinoshita would be treated by the kids groups.
- In that situation, as Yukinoshita's childhood friend[55], Hayama Hayato took actions that
- were deemed to be the worst that one could ever conceive - in the most straightforward
- words, he tried to 'set her up to be friendly with' and made attempts 'to integrate her
- into' those girl-only groups.
- Unfortunately, that only brought him more trouble and displeasure. Of course, what a
- classic Hayama move, not to mention that it all happened during the time when kids
- were the most excessively emotional beings. It doesn't make sense to demand self-
- control from kids, as it simply won't work.
- There's no way for me to know whether Hayama back then was smart enough to notice
- it, but I'm quite sure the Hayama now would deem his actions as awfully stupid and
- inappropriate.
- "I really should have poured in all my effort to help her out back then. In that case,..."
- If that were the case, what would have happen...!? That really touched my nerves. Hence I
- narrowed my eyes and said,
- "How's your 'what-ifs' supposed to be meaningful now??"
- "At the very least, I am very aware and have made it clear to you that it's also against my
- will for her to end up like this."
- Taken my stares, Hayama laughed bitterly with self-mockery. The usual 'cool and
- refreshing' part of him was all gone, leaving only a gloomy eyes, in which only bad
- feelings and regrets resided.
- "You shouldn't give up midway, like I did. Face it seriously. I didn't have that motivation
- and the resolution back then. But you are different, right?"
- His words jabbing about the future, his imploring eyes, his mouth that spoke of the past
- that I didn't know of - all irritated me so much. I bit my teeth hard and said,
- "That was your regrets! You own them. Don't entrust them to me so lightheartedly!"
- Without noticing it, my words got sharp and my eyes stared at Hayama angrily. Hayama
- then quickly looked down.
- "You are absolutely right... I own my own regrets. I have been regretting the moment it
- happened until now. I am unable to forget any bit of it. It always came back at me... I was
- stuck there ever since, without making any progress."
- Suppressing his pain that seemed to tear his breast off, Hayama groaned bitterly. His
- used-to-be-handsome face warped out of pain, forcing voices out of his throat as if blood
- was going to come out.
- What would have those friendly buddies of Hayama reacted had they seen him now.
- Disappointed? Or sympathetic? Or even disdainful?
- Notwithstanding, I am jealous of him. Looking at his regretful face, I only feel jealousy.
- I could see how deep it got inscribed in his mind, as he treasured it so dearly, so much
- that he would never forget about it and kept thinking about it the rest of his life.
- I would not treat that feeling as regrettable at all.
- His suffering posture was so 'shiny' that my eyes had to dodge away. Thereupon, Hayama
- suddenly stepped on the sand and turned his face to me. He couldn't allow himself to
- look away from me anymore.
- "Hikigaya... You are doing it the wrong way. You shouldn't have to resort to this way."
- This time, I can't dodge my eyes nor can I turn my face away. So I closed my eyes.
- Nobody else but you.
- Nobody else but you said that to me.
- His words were hopelessly correct, ambiguous, and whatever.
- I'm glad that I know you, Hayama Hayato.
- You cannot overlook actions that hurt others. You will not forgive those who hurt others.
- Therefore, you are the one whom you will never forgive yourself.
- Bearing the hope that not a single person gets hurt, but ended up hurting the most
- important person. Even so, he couldn't defy or betray the image that he and other have
- set up for him. In the end, being forced into an impasse by yourself, you showed me that
- painful face and spoke of these meaningless but sounding arguments. Even until now,
- you are still hurting yourself.
- Knowing that he couldn't do it, knowing that I couldn't do it, nevertheless he still couldn't
- help but ask me.
- I hated this part of him so much, hated it from my heart.
- I really hated it.
- So, I've found my words to say.
- If it's someone else then for sure I wouldn't have said it.
- It's because you shared so much sympathy with me but still didn't understand it that I
- have to tell you. I had to say because they are the same thing but not one single thing, and
- so much of the two are the same but you won't forgive the tiny part that's different
- between the two. Therefore, I had to speak out, to someone like you who committed to
- never doing the wrong thing and always doing the right thing.
- "Shut up! I know what I am doing!"
- I knew I was doing the seemingly wrong thing. But I had no other choice. I did not know
- of any other ways.
- Without doing it that way, *we* wouldn't be able to understand or communicate with
- each other.
- There's only one thing that I could do.
- Only one thing.
- "I know it all. Knowing it I've come this far. There's no other ways to prove it."
- As I slowly opened my eyes, I saw white steams coming out of my mouth and gradually
- dissolved into the air, just like what I just said.
- "... What are you trying to prove?"
- Hayama directed his staring eyes at me. It's troublesome for me to be asked with that
- serious face. I hadn't been able to provide any good counter-arguments.
- Should I just fabricate something? Or just prevaricate it? Or just make a bluff? I thought
- about it briefly and eventually just spoke out what I had in my heart along with my
- breaths.
- "If she didn't demand any help from me, but I'm offering my one-sided help anyways,
- then this is not codependence. I want to be able to prove that."
- As I said so, I began smiling naturally.
- Maybe surprised by what I just said, or maybe even astonished at my smiley face,
- Hayama blinked his eyes and gave a bitter smile while losing strength on his shoulders.
- "Hikigaya, do you know what that feeling is called?"
- "Of course, it's called ‘guy’s stubbornness’."
- I boasted with my face twisted.
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