Mort - shout

He tiptoed back to the lattice and overheard the conversation thus:

“I am the most unfortunate of mortals, O Immanent Presence, to find such as this in my otherwise satisfactory squishi” said the Vizier, extending his chopsticks.

The Court craned to see. So did Mort. Mort couldn’t help agreeing with the statement, though— the thing was a sort of blue-green lump with rubbery tubes dangling from it.

“The preparer of food will be disciplined, Noble Personage of Scholarship,” said the Emperor.

“Who got the spare ribs?”

“No, O Perceptive Father of Your People, I was rather referring to the fact that this is, I believe, the bladder and spleen of the deepwater puff eel, allegedly the most tasty of morsels to the extent that it may be eaten only by those beloved of the gods themselves or so it is written, among such company of course I do not include my miserable self.”

With a deft flick he transported it to the bowl of the Emperor, where it wobbled to a standstill. The boy looked at it for some time, and then skewered it on a chopstick.

“Ah,” he said, “but is it not also written by none other than the great philosopher Ly Tin Wheedle that a scholar may be ranked above princes? I seem to remember you giving me the passage to read once, O Faithful and Assiduous Seeker of Knowledge.”

The thing followed another brief arc through the air and flopped apologetically into the Vizier’s
bowl. He scooped it up in a quick movement and poised it for a second service. His eyes narrowed.

“Such may be generally the case, O Jade River of Wisdom, but specifically I cannot be ranked above the Emperor whom I love as my own son and have done ever since his late father’s unfortunate death, and thus I lay this small offering at your feet.”

The eyes of the court followed the wretched organ on its third flight across the mat, but the Emperor snatched up his fan and brought off a magnificent volley that ended back in the Vizier’s bowl with such force that it sent up a spray of seaweed.

“Somebody eat it, for heaven’s sake,” shouted Mort, totally unheard. “I’m in a hurry!”

***

Mort p165-166