Who the fuck is Michael

So remember that one time a little bit back
when you Michael, Chris, and I were hanging out?
it was like January or something
We were going out and this one sketchy guy
in the van asked us if we wanted to smash some pumpkins?
we said yeah and you got in the van and he stabbed you with a cd something
well turns out
the next day
remember when we were hanging out at my house
and the cops showed up
mid-game through apples to apples
and asked me if we were illegally growing watches
I was like: YEAH
he told me I should not do that
I said: NO
he shot me in the leg and stole all my watches
well it turns out
since I was still storing some in my dog
I could at least cut him open
and get some revenue for the period of time
and then when I got back to school I was called to the principals office
they said that a student told them that I was making school shooting threats every day
for the past month now
I said yes
but because of the duck from summer the previous year
you see,
he turned every molecule of air into pure concentrated crack cocaine
and man I took a good whiff of that stuff
the greatest high of my life anyways
back to the story.
so they didn't believe my story
and I was sent to a juvenile detention facility
turns out that duck was breaking in to get this one pot head outa there
that guy fucking stabbed a man
I mean if your on pot
wouldn't you be like chill or something?
anywho
so I got outta that and went over to McDonald's
I did a stick up there with some friends from the facility
we got like 50 McNuggets outa that.
the best heist EVER
and I gotta say, out of all the times you could have saved us
I don't think that would be useful
so how's Sally at the house?
Mark growing up well?