(yikes) Gnomes

 My opinion on Gnomes

Src: https://steamcommunity.com/groups/weeabear/discussions/7/1636416951446447368/

“I believe that all races are equal. Gnomes, however, are less equal than others. You see, Gnomes are the product of polygamy, incestuous breeding, and corporophilia. It is no exaggeration, nor hyperbole, that all evils of the world are endorsed and committed by gnomes. A gnome feels no empathy, nor remorse---no common humanity that separates us from simple beasts. The only “love” a gnome can feel, if you dare describe it so, is that for money. A gnome would sooner sell his own mother for a pouch of silvers than do a single good deed in his entire gaping hole of an existence. They are unbridled, evil-minded cosmopolitans, profiteers with no roots and no conscience... Grown on the rotten yeast of bourgeois cosmopolitanism, decadence and formalism... non-indigenous nationals without a motherland, who poison with stench our proletarian culture. The Gnomes belong to a dark and repulsive force. One knows how numerous this clique is, how they stick together and what power they exercise through their unions. They are a race of rascals and deceivers. A gnome will cry out in pain as he strikes you. The Gnome is immunized against all dangers: one may call him a scoundrel, parasite, swindler, profiteer, it all runs off him like water off a raincoat. But call him a Gnome and you will be astonished at how he recoils, how injured he is, how he suddenly shrinks back: “I’ve been found out.” One cannot defend himself against the Gnome. He attacks with lightning speed from his position of safety and uses his abilities to crush any attempt at defense. My anti-Gnomism is nothing but the antagonistic attitude produced in non-gnomes by the Gnomish group. This is a normal social reaction: to hope to see the very concept of Gnomery completely obliterated. A good gnome is a dead gnome.

Gnomes were the inventors of capitalism, created when humans threw away their morality and embraced Gnomish practices like usury. All the world suffers from the usury of the Gnomes, their monopolies and deceit. They have brought many unfortunate people into a state of poverty, especially the farmers, working class people, and the very poor. The Gnomes have practiced usury since the time of Garl Glittergold, and oppressed the other peoples. Meanwhile, the Humans were only rarely usurers, falling into disgrace when they did so. We ought to ban the Gnomes from commerce because they abuse it . . . The evils of the Gnomes do not stem from individuals but from the fundamental nature of the people.

Some suggest that we should use Gnomes instead of dogs to sniff out large amounts of concealed cash or anything else worth smuggling at airports due to their sensitive Gnome noses. Obviously, this is a horrible idea, because the pay is bad, and the dirty Gnomes would probably form a union and demand more money, thus increasing the burden on taxpayers everywhere. It's worth noting that currency and the nose of the Gnome also go hand in hand with one another. A Gnome’s nose, is so large and powerful that it can act as some natural metal-detecting device that magnates and rips out all shiny objects and treasures from every environment they are in, such as coins, dollar bills, and Gnomeelry. So you lost your expensive wedding ring somewhere in your backyard when you were working out in the garage? Don't panic, and certainly don't waste your money buying one of those pricey metal detectors to snake for it; just grab the closest Gnome available in your area! PROBLEM SOLVED.... but again, be sure to grab it before the Gnome's nose absorbs and digest the gold as nutrition.

Gnomes, though a virulent species of parasite, remain fatally behind Humans, Dwarfs, and of course, the Orcs when it comes to reproduction. This is because Gnomes need the blood of innocent children to be able to produce larvae, like mosquitoes. In some cases, desperate Gnomes will rape and eat their relatives and expect some welfare from it as well. Gnomes will do any means of predation or deception to get to the supply of fresh kids to inject Gnome-worms into, which zoologists believe may be due to their large number of natural predators. There are some, however, who speculate that modern condoms are simply too large for their penises and that contraception should be adapted as to accommodate our poorly-endowed “friends”.

One can most easily tell a Gnome by his nose. The Gnome’s nose is bent at its point. It looks like the number six. We call it the Gnome six. Many Humans also have bent noses. But their noses bend upwards, not downwards. Such a nose is an eagle nose. One can also recognize a Gnome by his lips. His lips are usually puffy. The lower lip often protrudes. Gnome eyelids are mostly thicker and more fleshy than ours. One can tell from his eyes that he is a deceitful person. Gnomes are usually small to mid-sized. They have short legs. Their arms are often short, too. Many Gnomes are bow-legged and flat-footed. They often have a low, slanting forehead, a receding forehead. Many criminals have such a receding forehead. The Gnomes are criminals too. Their hair is usually dark and often curly like an Orc’s. Their ears are very large, and they look like the handles of a coffee cup. Every Gnome does not have these characteristics. Some do not have a proper Gnome nose, but have Gnome ears. Some do not have flat feet, but Gnome eyes. There are even some Gnomes with blonde hair. But when one looks carefully, one can always tell it is a Gnome. One can recognize a Gnome from his behavior. The Gnome moves his head back and forth. His gait is shuffling and unsteady. The Gnome moves his hands when he talks. He "jabbers." His voice is often odd. He talks through his nose. Gnomes often have an unpleasant sweetish odor. If you have a good nose, you can smell the Gnome.”