Kanto News Network

Kanto News Network

1) Tonight's top story, the once endangered species Bulbasaur is now thriving in Viridian forest. It was believed that only a few dozen still existed in the wild, but a population of thousands have been discovered in the quiet forest north of Viridian, otherwise known as Viridian Forest. One Pokemon Trainer claims that a mysterious boy continuously battles his Weedle every 8 minutes or so. As soon as the battle ends, the Trainer says, he exclaims "F***ing 15 again" and disappears, leaving his Bulbasaur and Pidgey behind.

2) Breaking news in Fuchsia City! Safari Zone officials have been under fire tonight as it is believed that in an attempt to maximize their profits, workers have began attempting to pass regular Poke Balls as Safari Balls. According to Safari-goers, these new balls have a crudely painted safari ball design over the top of them and are much less likely to capture Pokémon. The Warden of the Safari Zone denies all allegations, stating it is all confirmation bias.

3) Regarding the strange occurrences this week, KNN has managed to receive more info from the Police. "We're unsure of the cause, but looking at many eyewitness reports, these various incidents are caused by a 10 year old boy attempting to catch all Pokémon in existence, using any method he can" says Saffron Head of Police. "While we're not sure how he managed to pull off these stunts, the police intelligence network has suspicions that this 10 year old boy is only a mere puppet, controlled by a greater being that we can only imagine." We've been unable to reach this boy for comment, as he seems to have the ability to "warp" around places. Our investigation team has found a connection between this "warping" and the large amounts of items littered around various locations. We can only hope that these phenomenons can end soon.

4) Witnesses reported a strange, shady character approaching a Pewter City Resident from Route 3. Immediately after a short conversation, many witnesses saw the Pewter City resident as a ghostly form walking on top of and in the walls of Mt. Moon. A Bug Catcher was found dead, suspected to have committed suicide upon seeing this. Police have started their investigation into the matter, but have no leads.

5) A Saffron City Guard was seriously injured yesterday when what appears to be an entire story of a building mysteriously fell to the ground along the city's southern border. Witnesses say the structure materialized approximately eight stories above the ground and described the appearance of the object and the surrounding area when the incident occurred as "very glitchy". Investigation into the cause continues; investigators believe there may be a link between it and the recent uptick of trespassing in the Safari Zone and passing-off of counterfeit Celadon Game Corner coins, as well as the strange music some people have reported hearing sporadically in western Saffron over the past few months.

6) 50 people were killed today when a floor of the Celadon Mart suddenly collapsed under a pile of 4500 TMs, One eyewitness stated "I have no idea how this could happen. Some kid just bought a few X Attacks from my shop and seconds later, thousands of TM's began appearing from his bag." Sources also claim there was a maniac chanting "1... 2... 3..." at the scene just before the incident

7) Saffron police are investigating an incident regarding vandalism at the Saffron City Dojo. One Dojo employee claims that he has a possible lead on the suspect with this to say: "A strange silent kid entered the center a few times and battled me only with an Abra. I felt bad for the kid so I tried to take it easy on him, trying to give him a few free turns using Leer and X Attack. After he lost a couple times he stopped showing up until just before the Dojo collapsed." No sign of the child has been reported

8) Our Top Story Tonight! A new computer virus has been discovered. Police are attempting to disclose the location of the virus's origin and rumors have arised, stating that it all began in Vermilion's Pokemon Center. Vermilion Center Employee, Nurse Joy, claims that a small child entered the center to use the PC. Immediately, hundreds of items started to spill out of the computer. "I swear I could see the Game Corner through the door as the child left the center", Nurse Joy claims.

9) Another top story regarding the mysterious boy attempting to catch all Pokémon known to man! Many trainers on Route 11 have seen him "mutate" common Pokémon like Pidgey into more rare Pokemon such as Hitmonchan. Many eyewitnesses broke down upon remembering the horrific experience. "I watched with my Poliwag to see what would happen" a Gambler says, "When he sent out his Ditto, he stood there for some seconds, and suddendly, the Pokémon suddenly mutates into a grotesque creature, but upon capture its appearance changes entirely to a perfectly different, but normal Pokémon." Unfortunately, these occurances are rare. Most of the time, eyewitnesses say, only hear the boy complain about "Cooltrainer" not working, while he's battling with this Ditto. As of now, we are unknown of what this "Cooltrainer" is. More on this later.